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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • She Also Speaks Ironic

    , | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

    (I manage a fast food restaurant. I’m currently serving a customer who is from East Asia. She is clearly new to the country, as she is having significant trouble with the transaction, and I’m finding it difficult to communicate. My coworker steps in.)

    Coworker: “Excuse me, where are you from?”

    Asian Customer: “I am from Korea.”

    (Suddenly, the next customer in line speaks up.)

    Customer: “Racist! You’re a racist!”

    Coworker: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I said you’re a racist! It doesn’t matter where this young lady comes from, she should be welcome in your store. You should feel ashamed!”

    (The shouting customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “You! Do something about her!”

    Me: “I absolutely agree. You see, my coworker here is studying a master’s degree in Asian studies. She was just asking because she could process this transaction in Korean, Japanese, Mandarin, Cantonese or Indonesian, and didn’t want to look like an idiot by making an assumption about someone she didn’t know.”

    Work Hard, Break A Leg

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m currently recovering from a broken leg. I am at work getting my schedule for the week. As I’m walking out the door, a customer entering the restaurant shoves the door open and hits me right in my bad leg. I fall to the floor, crumple over in pain, and the customer literally steps right over me without a word, as if nothing has happened and I am just in her way. She goes to order at the counter which is being manned by my manager, who has seen the whole thing happen.)

    Manager: “You need to leave.”

    Customer: “Why, because I hit that idiot? He was in my way.”

    Manager: “Yes. That’s one of my employees, and he just had surgery on the leg you hit.”

    Customer: “Well he shouldn’t have been standing there!”

    Me: “I was trying to open the door and leave; I wasn’t just standing in front of the door.”

    Customer: “That’s hardly my problem. Now take my order.”

    Manager: “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, especially self-centered morons. Now get the h*** out of my store.”

    Customer: “F*** you and f*** [restaurant chain]!”

    (The customer storms out, literally walking right over me again.)

    Manager: “[My name], why don’t you go ahead and take tomorrow off? I’ll cover for you.”

    Me: “Thanks, I’m probably gonna need it!”

    Smeagol, Medium Or Large

    , | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m working a double shift. It is 5:30 pm, and I’ve been here since 8 am. I am the manager on duty.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a large blizzard, m&m and cookie dough.”

    (I make the blizzard and place it in front of him. Large blizzards are in a 21 oz. cup.)

    Customer: “No, this isn’t a large and I ordered a large.”

    Coworker: “That is a large, sir.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. They usually make them in this size cup.” *motions to the 32 oz. cup*

    Coworker: “No, those are shakes. They don’t have m&ms or cookie dough in them.”

    Customer: “They do it on the day shift all the time! I want what they give me!”

    (I decide to step in, because my coworker is starting to stumble and get uncomfortable.)

    Me: “Actually, sir, I’ve worked the day shift for three years now, and I’ve never seen you before in my life. Now, the large is in a 21 oz. cup.”

    Customer: “Get your manager.”

    Me: “You mean me?”

    Customer: “Not you, your manager.”

    Me: “Alright, one moment.”

    (I walk in the back, and talk to myself.)

    Me: “Yeah there’s guy out there that wants to talk to the manager on duty. Oh, ok… Well, I’ll go talk to him. Yes, sir? I’m the manager on duty; what is the problem?”

    Customer: *takes the blizzard and storms out*

    Needs To Stop And Take A Minute

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (I work at a fast food chain, where most of the food just needs to be assembled on order. However, some items are rarely ordered, so we don’t prepare them since we’d have to throw them out if nobody purchases it within a certain time. It normally takes five to seven minutes to cook these items.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a [food item], please.”

    Me: “Sure, that’ll be [total].”

    Customer: *hands money* “Thank you.”

    Me: “No, problem, here’s your change. Just wait over there until your order is ready.”

    (The manager comes over as I’m making drinks for the customer.)

    Manager: “Did you inform the customer that there will be a five minute wait on [food item]?”

    Me: “I wasn’t aware there was, but I’ll let him know.”

    Manager: “It’s fine. I’ll talk to him; you’re busy.” *to customer* “Excuse me, sir, did you order [food item]?”

    Customer: *irritated* “Yeah, what’s the problem?”

    Manager: “We have to make that item fresh, so it’ll be about five minutes. Is that alright?”

    Customer: “No, it’s not f****** alright! You should have told me earlier. Now I don’t f****** want it!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. I told you as soon as I found out. If you like, I can offer you a refund, or you can have something else.”

    Customer: “F****** h***. Can’t you do anything right?! I’m not going to f****** wait for my d*** food.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir; it’s not my fault. I’ve given you the option of getting a refund if you’d like one.”

    Cook: *yells to manager* “The [food item] is ready!”

    Manager: “I’m really sorry about the wait, sir, but your food is ready! Would you like it?”

    Customer: “No, just give me my f****** money back.”

    Manager: “It’s ready though. Wouldn’t you rather—”

    Customer: “I want my f****** money! This has been terrible service with your f****** smug tone and inconsiderate attitude. You think you’re better then me and can just f****** act that way!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way; have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, f*** you.” *stomps out with his money*

    Manager: *to me* “I’m going for a smoke.”

    He Has Beef With The Cheese

    , | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Welcome to [store]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a cheeseburger, with no cheese.”

    Me: “Okay, so that’s one hamburger—”

    Customer: “NO. I want a CHEESE-burger with no CHEESE.”

    Me: “Right. So that’s a hamburger—”

    Customer: “NO! God, are you deaf or something? I want a f****** CHEESEBURGER with no f****** CHEESE!”

    Me: “…okay, so that’s cheeseburger, no cheese.”

    Customer: “Yes! Was that so hard?”

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