I work at a fast food place at a rest stop on a rural part of the freeway. We are surrounded by hundreds of square miles of farmland.

A customer who ordered a burger comes back up to me at the counter.

Customer: “Could you maybe pull the blinds down at your windows?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have any window blinds. Is the sun too bright?”

Customer: “It’s not that. It’s just that I can see all the cows in the field looking at me.”

I wait for a follow-up. The customer catches on that I don’t know what point he’s trying to make.

Customer: “The cows! Moo!” *Holds up his burger* “They’re making me feel guilty eating this!”

A mother and her young child are ordering. The child is getting the kids’ meal with a choice of toy. He has been staring at me without moving through the entire transaction.

Me: “What toy would you like?”

Child: *Deadpan, with zero blinking* “I want to toy with your emotions.”

Me: “Ooookay, so I’m just gonna give you the T-Rex.”

Child: *Deadpan, still no blinking* “That is acceptable.”

The mother finished the order like this was the most normal conversation in the world.

This was in the olden days, probably around 2001. My partner and I were in the car, and we were hungry. We turned into a nearby branch of a [Burger Place]. At this time, they were advertising a special: two double cheeseburgers for $2.00.

My partner loathes American cheese, so I asked for two double hamburgers for him and two double cheeseburgers for me.

Cashier: “[Total just over $6.00].”

Me: “Why is it so much?”

Cashier: “You have two double cheeseburgers for $2.00, a dollar each, and two double hamburgers at $1.79 each.”

Me: “A double hamburger is just a double cheeseburger with no cheese.”

The teenage cashier claimed they could not do it that way, and they implied that I was trying to cheat them in some way by asking for a double cheeseburger, hold the cheese. I got a manager, and — to his credit, I guess, given the other stories here — he backed up his employee. I explained that a double hamburger uses LESS food to make than a double cheeseburger, but he was unwavering.

I joked with my partner that if it cost -$0.40 for a slice of cheese, I should like to order my burgers with ten slices of it and they could pay US. We just drove off. I could not see paying them $1.70 for the PRIVILEGE of having a burger with no cheese. Our meal at the burger chain across the street was delicious.

Many years ago, our supervisor was leaving the company. The office sent out a card for us to sign. The card read:

Card: “We wish you the greatest sucness [sic] in your future endeavors.”

“Suckness” became our watchword for quite some time.

A customer is ordering at our Mexican fast food place.

Customer: “I want a quesadilla with no cheese.”

Me: “Then it wouldn’t be a quesadilla. Maybe you’d prefer—”

Customer: “What I’d prefer is to not be questioned by a fast food worker and instead be given what I ask for.”

Me: “Of course. It’s just that the quesadilla won’t hold together very well without the cheese.”

Customer: “Why are you still questioning me?”

I remain silent and get her the order. I see her then try to eat this ques-no-dilla at her table, and she immediately gets frustrated that the chicken slides out of the grilled tortilla. She brings it up to complain to the manager.

Manager: “Well, no s***, lady! That’s the ‘quesa’ part of a quesadilla! Know what you’re ordering next time!”

She did not get a refund and refused the offer of a replacement.