(This takes place toward the end of my shift in the drive-thru. Everything has been slow for awhile.)

Customer: “Two cheeseburgers and that’ll be it.”

Me: “Okay sir, your total will be–”

(The customer drives ahead to the window before I can finish.)

Me: “Evening, sir. Your total will be $2.14.”

Customer: “I KNOW how to add!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give you your total.”

Customer: *hands me money* “I know, I’m sorry.”

Me: *makes change* “Long day?”

Customer: “Yeah, lot of customers being a**holes.”

Me: “Yeah. I know the feeling. Have a nice day!”

(I have been out the back making dough before serving the customer. I haven’t had time to clean myself up a bit, so I have flour on my shirt.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: *looking at my shirt* “Can I speak to the manager right away, please?”

Me: *confused* “Um, okay.”

(I call the manager over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to complain about this employee. He has drugs on his shirt. He should be fired immediately!”

Manager: *joking* “But, then, where would I get my supply from?”

Customer: *looks shocked, and then storms out of the store*

Next customer in line: “Can I get a Hawaiian pizza on the thin base with extra drugs, please?”

(Sometimes, customers call the store when their order is wrong. This one was a little bit more special.)

Manager: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I didn’t get my food!”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “When I came through the drive-thru, I got my food. But when I got home it was gone!”

Manager: “Let me get this straight. You got your food at the window?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was in your car when you left?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was gone when you got home?”

Customer: “It wasn’t there anymore.”

Manager: “So between here and home, you lost your food? How do you expect us to fix it?”

Customer: *hangs up*

(I live in a relatively small town and have lived there all my life. Needless to say, I know the place inside out and walk through downtown to get to work pretty much every day.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?”

Me: “Of course, if you go–”

Older Man: “Yes it’s downtown right before the bridge detour you can’t miss it!”

Me: “Sir, I believe that’s [coffee shop], not Starbucks.”

Older Man: “No, it’s Starbucks!”

Me: “Sir, that’s [coffee shop]. There’s never been a Starbucks there.”

Older Man: “No, you’re wrong! When exactly did it become [coffee shop]?! Hmm?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s been [coffee shop] for about two years now.”

Older Man: “Well, unless Starbucks left and changed the name overnight, you’re wrong!”

Me: “It didn’t. It’s–”

Older Man: “Right! So it’s Starbucks and you’re wrong!”

Customer: “I’ll have two wings, one breast, and one side-breast.”

Cashier: “Side-breast?”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast…” *repeats order*

Cashier: “What’s that?”

Customer: “Well, you have the breast, which is the front of the chicken, and the side-breast, which is half of the breast.”

Cashier: “Well, we don’t do that. We have thighs, legs, wings, ribs, and breast.”

Customer: “No, you have side-breast! I always have side-breast! There it is–those ones there!”

(The customer points to a pile in one of the heating units.)

Cashier: “Oh, you mean rib!”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast!”