Mayo-Phased

, | Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Two girls order a foot-long and split it. One of them wants mayonnaise and the other one doesn’t.)

Coworker: “Do you want me to wrap this as two six inches?”

Girl #1: “No, thanks.”

(They take the sub and leave. About four minutes later, they walk up with a bite taken out of one half.)

Girl #1: “You didn’t put mayonnaise on my half.”

Girl #2: “You put mayonnaise on my half.”

Me: “Did you try swapping them?”

(The girls blink, look at themselves, and then at me.)

Girl #2: “Oh, my God. I’m an IDIOT!”

Girl #1: “I’m SOOO sorry for this!”

(They walk away laughing.)

He Has Mama Issues

| Stettler, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a fairly new cashier at a popular fast food restaurant. Our burgers have names, like ‘Mama Burger’ or ‘Teen Burger.’)

Customer: *obviously intoxicated* “I want a cheeseburger and I want it hot. I don’t want it sitting in the f******* warmer.”

(As there is no listing for cheeseburger, I automatically change it to a ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

Me: “Of course, sir, that’ll be $7.50.”

(I continue on with my job, cleaning trays and wiping tables, as someone else bags food. After several minutes I notice the customer is still standing there without his food. There is a bag sitting on the counter, and as I check the receipt I notice it is his ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

Me: “Sir, I believe this is your meal here. Your cheeseburger?”

Customer: “I ORDERED A GODD*** CHEESEBURGER OVER 10 MINUTES AGO! NOT A ‘MAMA BURGER’!”

(As he continues on, my manager steps in and I quietly go hide in the back room and watch and listen.)

Manager: “I’m sorry for the mix up, sir. This is a cheeseburger, but in this restaurant it’s called a—”

Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A D*** WHAT IT’S CALLED. I’VE WAITED OVER 10 MINUTES! THIS IS WHY YOU PEOPLE ONLY MAKE MINIMUM WAGE! ANY MONKEY COULD TAKE YOUR JOBS AND DO BETTER!”

Manager: *calmly* “I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: *snatches food from counter* “I’M SO MAD, I COULD JUST—” *raises his fist to manager’s face* “I SHOULD BURN THIS BUILDING DOWN ON TOP OF ALL OF YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF S***!”

Manager: “You should not be out drinking and driving. It puts everyone in danger.”

Customer: “I’VE NEVER HAD A SIP OF ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE! NO DRUGS EITHER!”

*storms out with his food*

Next Customer In Line: “That’s a lie. He has had to be removed by police from [Other Fast Food Restaurant] four times. We’re instructed to phone police if he enters the premises.”

Me: *comes out of hiding*

Coworker: “You saw that coming, huh? I was wondering why you were hiding.”

Me: “This job… It gets better, right?”

Coworker: “No.”

A Good Sign

, | San Jose, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

(I pull into a drive-thru for a quick lunch. The cashier greets me and asks for my order, and just as I’m about to give it to her, I notice they have a ‘sorry, cash only’ sign taped up next to the speaker.)

Me: “Yes, I’d like a— Oh, hold on, I just noticed your sign. Let me make sure I actually have cash on me before I order.” *checks wallet*

Cashier: “No, sorry, our card reader’s down— Wait, what? You READ the sign? I’m not sure that’s actually ever happened before!”

Combo Number Four(skin)

, | Des Moines, IA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I’m working the drive-thru at about nine pm. A car comes up and a teenager gives his order of a burger.)

Me: “And what size do you want for that?”

Customer: “Uh… circumcise me!”

Me: “You mean supersize?”

Customer: “Yeah! Circumcise me.”

(He drives to the first window, paying. I stick an extra plastic knife in his bag. When he drives to my window, I hand him his food.)

Me: “Sir, I included one of our plastic knives. Unfortunately, we can’t perform your request here.”

Customer: “What?”

(The girl in the passenger seat, presumably his girlfriend, leans over and whispers in his ear.)

Customer: *eyes widen and looks at me horrified*

Me: “You did ask.”

Customer: *steps on the gas and speeds out of the drive-thru*

Needs A Break(fast)

, | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have toast?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We—”

Customer: *points to greeter* “But SHE said I could have breakfast, so I want breakfast.”

Me: “Even though it’s lunch time, we serve pancakes, bacon, and oatmeal all day. Would you like—”

Customer: “You must be NEW because you don’t know ANYTHING!”

Manager: “We also have some breakfast burritos left if you’d like those.”

Customer: “Ring me up for PANCAKES, then. Pan… CAKES. She said breakfast. I want breakfast!”

Me: “Would you like syrup—”

Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! PANCAKES. I WANT PANCAKES.”

(Luckily, her pancakes come up pretty quickly, and she yanks the tray out of my manager’s hands.)

Customer: “SEE? Now you KNOW SOMETHING.”

Me: *to manager* “I am now aware that we have pancakes. I now have edumacation. I are smart.”

Manager: “You can leave early if you want…”

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