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    It’s Crazy Season(ing)

    , | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer has ordered a poutine, two large fries with seasoning and a rooter through the drive thru. My manager has informed me that it will take three minutes to cook up enough fries to fill the order, so I go to the window ask her to park her car while she waits.)

    Me: “Hi, so there going to be three minutes to cook—”

    Customer: “You forgot one of my drinks.”

    (Her order was for only one drink, but I just pour her another drink rather than argue.)

    Me: “There you go; sorry about that. It will just be three minutes for your fries—”

    Customer: “Can I get some ketchup packets too?”

    Me: “Sure I’ll put some in the bag. If you could—”

    Customer: “Can I get them now?”

    Me: “Here you go. So if you just want to—”

    Customer: “Can I get some more?”

    Me: “Sure. If you’ll go pull up in front of the building—”

    Customer: “Can I get a container of seasoning too?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I go ask the kitchen for a container of seasoning. While I’m waiting, my manager gives me a puzzled look and glances meaningfully at the drive thru timer; I just shrug and grimace. The customer looks inside the container when I give it to her.)

    Me: “Okay, so here you go. If you’ll pull up in front of the building, we’ll bring&mdash”

    Customer: “Can I get a lot more seasoning?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Coworker: “She’s not gone yet?!”

    Me: “She wants more seasoning first.”

    (My manager’s just shaking his head.)

    Me: “So here you go. Just pull up and we’ll bring you—”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

    (The customer drives through. At this point, she’s been sitting at our window for over two minutes, so her food is ready very quickly. I hand her the order out in the parking lot.)

    Me: “Alright, so there’s your poutine, and two large fries. Sorry about the wait. Have a—”

    Customer: scowls* “I hope no one spat in this!” *rolls up her window and drives away*

    Me: “—nice day.”

    Service With A Smile

    , | Peoria, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive thru and I’m in a good mood.)

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total comes to $3.47 and a smile!”

    (I smile at her.)

    Customer: “Excuse me? How rude! How dare you?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to smile, and you can’t make me. Just give me my d*** food.”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Manager: “What was her problem?”

    Me: “I ‘charged’ her a smile.”

    Manager: “I hate drive thru.”

    Karkat, Thor, And Loki Walk Into A Bar…

    , | Manchester, England, UK | Bigotry, Geeks Rule, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A con is going on nearby, and the fast food joint is full of people in cosplay. A rather attractive woman—dressed as a cheerleader with a pink chainsaw—leaves the building with her friends. They are whistled at by two rowdy customers entering.)

    Customer #1: “Hey dude, check out all these freaks in here!”

    Customer #2: “Oh, God! They’re everywhere! F****** freaks.”

    Customer #1: *to a male cosplayer in front of him* “Oi mate, what the f*** are you supposed to be?”

    Male Cosplayer #1: “M-me? I’m ‘Karkat’ from Homestuck.”

    Customer #1: “Well, you look like a joke. What the f*** are those on your head?”

    (The customer flicks the orange horns clipped to the cosplayer’s hair.)

    Male Cosplayer #1: “Please don’t do that; I made these myself and I don’t want them to break.”

    Customer #2: “You hear that? The little freak made his own horns! Ah, I guess it’s not all bad though; did you see that chick before with the massive rack?”

    Customer #1: “I know, you don’t see hot cheerleaders everyday. She’s totally going to get it off me later.”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, we’ll find her and give it to her good. I’m going to squeeze those t*** of her so hard.”

    Male Cosplayer #1: “Can you please stop?! It’s really degrading to talk about women like that.”

    (The whole restaurant goes quiet, and they turn to the rowdy customers.)

    Customer #1: “If the slag didn’t want it, should wouldn’t have them hanging out.”

    Male Cosplayer #1: “She was in costume! Besides, what does it matter how she was dressed? Clothing isn’t an invitation.”

    Customer #2: “Do you want to take this outside?”

    (Just then, another male customer in the corner, who also happens to be a cosplayer, speaks up.)

    Male Cosplayer #2: “If you fight him, you have to fight me first!”

    Customer #2: “Who said that?”

    (Male Cosplayer #2 stands up to reveal he is well over 6 ft tall, and very muscular, but in costume too.)

    Male Cosplayer #2: “I am Thor, Son of Odin, God of Thunder, who commands the Lightning and the Storm!”

    (At that moment, a third cosplayer stands up, revealing he too is very tall and muscular.)

    Male Cosplayer #3: “And I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose… to defend women from sexist pigs like you, and defend people’s right to cosplay!”

    (The two rowdy customers quickly remove themselves from the restaurant, while Karkat, Thor and Loki receive a round of applause.)

    Related:
    Link, Nyu And Sephiroth Walk Into A Bar…

    When Humans Fail The Turing Test

    , | Hertfordshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I work on the drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi there, can I take your order?”

    Customer: “HELLO?”

    Me: “Hi, can I take your order please?”

    Customer: “CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I can hear you. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I WANT TO PLACE AN ORDER.”

    Me: “Umm, yeah, can I take your order please?”

    Customer: “CAN I PLACE MY F****** ORDER?”

    Me: “Sir, can you hear me? I’m asking for your order?”

    Customer: “OF COURSE I CAN F****** HEAR YOU! I’M NOT DEAF! I JUST WANT A CHEESEBURGER! THAT’S ALL I WANT!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, drive to the first window to pay.”

    (The customer drives around, and looks furious. He pays by card.)

    Customer: “It says ‘insert card’.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Well, does that mean now?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, please insert your card and follow the instructions.”

    Customer: “Well now it’s saying ‘please wait’!”

    Me: “Yes, the machine is just checking your card. Please wait.”

    Customer: “‘Insert pin,’ does it mean the pin for this card, or my credit card?”

    Me: “It means insert your pin for the card in the machine.”

    (The customer finally pays and drives off, only to return moments later.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, can I help?”

    Customer: “HELLO?! HELLO ORDER-ROBOT! THIS CHEESEBURGER HAS PICKLES; I DON’T WANT PICKLES! AND I DIDN’T GET MY FRIES AND DRINK! ORDER-ROBOT, WHO DO I SPEAK TO?”

    Me: “Sir, you can speak to me! I’m a person not a robot. We can correct your order for you, but you only got a cheeseburger because that’s what you ordered.”

    Customer: “ORDER ROBOT, I WANT KETCHUP FOR MY FRIES! F****** machines are useless!”

    To Be, Or Not To Jollibee

    , | Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m in line at a very well-known chicken fast food place. It’s lunch hour, so the place is fairly packed.)

    Cashier: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Do I want a one-piece or two-piece meal?”

    Cashier: “Well, people usually order the two-piece at this time, since it’s supposed to hold them for a few more hours.”

    Customer: “Okay, a two-piece meal then.”

    Cashier: “Would you like that ‘Original Recipe’ or ‘Hot and Crispy?’”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What’s the difference?”

    Cashier: “Um, the ‘Original Recipe’ tends to have softer skin and a tangy flavor, while the ‘Hot and Crispy’ is spicy and crunchy.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m not sure which one of those I want. The ‘Hot and Crispy’ might be too spicy for me.”

    Cashier: “Don’t worry, our ‘Hot and Crispy’ isn’t really that spicy. It’s just enough for a kick in the taste buds, no more.”

    Customer: “Maybe, but I might want extra mashed potatoes with it.”

    Cashier: “If you order the full meal, you get a large side dish with your food.”

    Customer: “What if a large is too big? I don’t want to eat all that much.”

    Cashier: “Well, ma’am, the containers are behind me, so you can decide for yourself if large is too big.”

    Customer: “Hmm… wait, what if I don’t want chicken for lunch?”

    Customer Somewhere In The Back: “WELL YOU’RE IN THE WRONG F****** RESTAURANT, AREN’T YOU?! STOP HOLDING UP THE LINE!”

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