(I’m English and backpacking in New Zealand. I’ve just started work in a fast food place and am on the drive through for the first time.)

Manager: “Okay. What you have to do is talk to the customers and make them feel really welcome. Get a bit chatty if you can.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Watch this…”

(A customer drives down to my window to pay for his food.)

Me: “Hey there, how you doing? That will be [price].”

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “England.”

Customer: “Whereabouts in England?”

Me: “Hull.”

Customer: “ME TOO! I’m from *** Road!”

Me: “Sweet, I grew up just round the corner from there! Was it a nightmare having them build the new stadium right on your doorstep?”

Customer: “No way! Yer, was a right pain! Speaking of which, did you see the Tigers play the other night?”

Me: “Nah, I missed it. I was working. I heard the result though, get it!”

Customer: “Let’s see if we come out on top at the end of the season! Anyway, I best go pick up my food. I am sure you have other customers to serve. My name is *** by the way. What’s yours?”

Me: “I’m ***.”

(We shake hands through the window.)

Customer: “Nice to meet you man. I will be sure to see you around.”

Me: “Yeah, have a good day mate!”

(The customer drives to the next window. I turn to look at my manager who has a look of total disbelief.)

Me: “And that’s how you do that.”

Manager: “Yeah, I will leave you to it. I think you got the hang of it!”

Related:
Employee Of The Year

(It’s late at night and only one manager, another employee, and I are working. I’m manning the drive-thru when a car pulls up.)

Customer: *over speaker* “I just came through the drive-thru, and I got a fish sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

Customer: “There was a bite in my sandwich!”

Me: “I’m sorry? Please drive around and I’ll see what I can do.”

Customer: *at window* “What you can do, young lady, is get me a new sandwich.”

Me: “Um, sir, nobody here would have taken a bite of your sandwich. Are you sure it didn’t just break off?”

Customer: “NO! Give me a new sandwich! I just tasted this sandwich and it tasted terrible.”

Me: “Wait – you bit the sandwich after you found a bite?”

Customer: “No, you idiot! I bit the sandwich, and I need another one!”

Me: “…”

(I’m working at the fast food drive-thru with a particularly large group of cars in line.)

Customer: “It sure got busy all at once.”

Me: “Yeah, it happens like that.”

Customer: “You know why that is, right?”

Me: “No, tell me?”

Customer: “We wait around the corner until we have a group of about ten cars, and then we swarm all at once!”

(And from that day forward, everything made sense.)

(I work at a restaurant that specializes in roast beef. A customer is standing at the end of the counter, staring at the meat slicer.)

Customer: “Can I touch the beef?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “The beef. On the slicer. I want to touch it.”

Me: “Uh, I can’t let you do that.”

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “Well, we can’t turn the slicer off during the lunch rush unless we’re putting a new roast on it.”

Customer: “Oh, you don’t have to turn the slicer off, I just wanna touch the beef!”

Me: “Well, I don’t want to serve anyone a sliced beef and finger sandwich today, so tough luck.”

(An old, drunken man stumbles in to our fast food restaurant.)

Me: “Hello, how are you tonight sir?”

(He stumbles to the front counter, leans over, and stares intently at my name badge.)

Me: “Umm, can I help you?”

Drunken customer: *reads my badge* “Tahiiinaaa..”

Me: “…yes?”

Drunken customer: “That’s a really pretty name. I want your name. Sell me your name!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you my name… do you want some chicken?”

Drunken customer: “I. WANT. YOUR. NAME!”

(Suddenly, the drunken guy lunges over the counter and rips my badge off of my shirt and runs out of the store laughing.)

Me, to my manager: “I think I need a new shirt…”

(I’m taking orders and money in the drive-thru booth during a rush. A customer pulls up to the window.)

Me: “Hi, your total is $6.54.”

Customer: *glaring* “I’m mad at you!”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “I went through **** earlier, and they didn’t have any french fries, so I had to come here!”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Yeah! And he’s mad at you too!”

(She points to the back seat, which is completely empty.)

Me: “Yeah, um, he…he looks pretty mad, I guess.”

Customer: *snaps* “C’mere, Sparkie!”

(A little poodle hops up into her lap.)

Customer: “Tell her how mad you are!”

(The customer then holds the dog up to the window to show me how mad it was.)

Me: “Wow, um, alright.”

(She pays and I give her the change.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: *smiling* “You too, sweetie!” *glares* “…but I’m still mad at you!”

Coworker: “Guys! There’s a car pulled in backwards in the drive-thru. They’re backwards!”

Backwards customer: “Hi, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. We don’t have those items. Is there something else I can get you?”

Backwards customer: “No, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, do you realize you’re at [Mexican fast food restaurant]? Would you like a taco?”

Backwards customer: “Okay, okay, we’re kidding! Alice, this is your mom and Aunt Marie!”

(I happen to be Alice. Family are the worst customers!)

(After serving them their fast food, a woman with a family of six runs up to the counter, furious.)

Customer: “You! You stacked our food wrong! Now my kids are crying!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Come look!”

(She brings me down to their table, where their three pre-teens are crying their eyes out and her husband looks incredibly frustrated.)

Customer: “Look!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see anything wrong with your food–”

Customer: “[Child #1] is supposed to eat first, but his food is on the bottom! We won’t be able to get it without moving the other things!”

Me: “I don’t think I understand.”

Customer: “He’s the first person on the left! He has to eat first, or Satan will claim his soul!”

Me: “Uh…”

(I decide to ask counter-clockwise around the table what everyone ordered, and hand them their food out off the pile.)

Customer:, “Oh, thank you! You will serve as a warrior of God someday!”

Me: “…right.”

(That family still shows up once a month or so, and suffice to say, I always run out to see what order they’re sitting in before I serve their food.)

Customer: “…and I’d like extra tomatoes on my sandwich, please.”

Me: “All right, that’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Why is it so expensive?!”

Me: “Well ma’am, you asked for cheese, bacon, and extra tomatoes. All those cost extra on the sandwich because they’re expensive products.”

Customer: “But your policy says that I can have it my way! Why am I being charged?!”

Me: “You can have it your way…you just have to pay for it.”

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God… like.. could we talk to the cook?”

Me: “… what?”

Teenage girl #2: “Yeah. Could you go get him?”

Me: “Why?”

Teenage girl #1: “He’s hot.”

Me: “Alright, then.”

(The cook then comes out to talk with them.)

Cook: “Yes?”

Teenage girl #2: “Like… what’re you doing after work?”

Cook: “Going home to see my one month old son and girlfriend.”

Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God, you have a son!? That’s so gross. You’re so young!”

Cook: “This is why you use condoms, kids. Stay in school!”