October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Must Feel Like A Real Dingleberry

| USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(Our fruit flavors for our milkshakes are described as “real fruit shakes” on our menu.)

Customer: *smugly* “Real fruit shakes, huh? Tell me, can you even make a ‘fake’ fruit shake?”

Coworker: “Sure you can, if you use artificial flavorings.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah? Then what makes your shakes ‘real’?”

Coworker: *holds up our actual strawberries* “This is actual fruit. Anything else for you, sir?”

(He furrowed his brow and paid.)

Lobbying For You To Leave On Time

| TN, USA | Awesome Customers

(It’s 10 minutes before closing time and I’m sick and tired when a group of 10 teenagers walk in and order dinner. After making their food, the other employees go outside to wait until they leave so we can close the store but I stay in the back to finish up cleaning so we can leave sooner.)

Kid: *knocks on kitchen door* “Hi, do you have a mop back here?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Kid: “We’re done eating and you guys are about to close so we’re cleaning up the lobby for you guys before we have to leave.”

Me: *smiling ear to ear and near tears* “You guys don’t have to do that. I’ll get it after you all leave.”

Kid: “It’s fine, ma’am. It’s the least we can do since you guys stayed open to cook for us, and now you can go outside with your friends and relax some.”

Taste Of Your Own Fast Acting Medicine

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “I want a number-one-medium-with-a-coke-and-a-large-frosty-with-a-kids-meal-chicken-nuggets-and-apple-slices-and-orange-juice—”

Me: “M—”

Customer: “—also-a-number-seven-with-a-diet-coke-large-and-an-apple-salad.”

(Fortunately I am able to type all of that in and keep up with her despite that and speak it back to her just as fast as she had said it.)

Me: Okay…so you want a number-one-medium-with-a-coke-and-a-large-frosty-with-a-kids-meal-chicken-nuggets-and-apple-slices-and-orange-juicealso-a-number-seven-with-a-diet-coke-large-and-an-apple-salad?”

Customer: “Wait… what?”

If Life Can’t Give You Lemons…

, | Monument, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a lemonade.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we do not have lemonade.”

Customer: “Do you have diet lemonade?”

Me: “…”

Ordering Was Not His Calling

| Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in a fish and chip takeaway, and have just had a phone order from a lady who ordered fish and chips, as well as a mussel fritter. After hanging up to pin up the order, the manager tells me we are out of mussel fritters, and since it is relatively quiet tells me to phone her back in order to ask whether she wants an alternative. I dial the number I’d written on the order. A man, who I assume is the caller’s husband, picks up the phone.)

Me: “Hi, this is [Takeaway]. I’m calling about an order you’ve just placed earlier?”

Customer: “What? Who is this?”

Me: “This is [Takeaway]. I’m just calling to ask you about an order you placed earlier-“

Customer: “You’re the takeaway?”

(I’m worried I may have had the wrong number, but it’s highly unlikely.)

Me: “Yes. I want to ask you about—”

Customer: “No, why are you calling? You’re a takeaway, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, I’m calling concerning your order-“

Customer: “No, listen here. You’re a takeaway. You’re not supposed to be calling me. You don’t call people. I’m supposed to be calling you. Goodbye.”

(He hangs up. I confirm through the phone system that I had called the right number, as the last two calls through the phone are the same number and matches the one on the order, but I don’t say anything. Later, a man picks up the order, the same one I assume took the call.)

Me: *being very polite and making it out to be as much my fault as possible* “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise as I took your order, but we’d actually run out of mussel fritters. I tried to call you back but I couldn’t reach you, so we replaced it with a paua fritter. Is that okay?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want a paua fritter. I don’t like the taste. Why didn’t you say anything when you took the order?”

(Cue internal screaming.)

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