(The customer is four cents short for his order.)

Customer, to friend: “Hey man, do you have a nickel or something?”

Friend: “Yeah man, here.”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. I’ll just get some out of here.”

(He reaches into the tip jar.)

Customer: “Can I just take out four cents from in here?”

Me: “Um, no. That’s actually our tip jar–”

Customer: “Too late. It’s happening.”

Me: *speechless*

(I take orders at a fast food restaurant. We have a secret menu with special type of fry we call “animal style”, which is pretty popular. A customer walks up.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing today? How may I help you?”

Customer: “I have heard about this secret style french fry you guys make. Could I have one order of french fries, doggy style, please?”

Me: “Um…do you mean animal style fries?”

Customer: *turning red* “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

Related:
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

(We have a survey that pops up randomly when receipts print out. The customers can go to a website and receive a code for a free sandwich upon completion of the survey. We only accept receipts with the codes written on it.)

Me: “Do you have a coupon for me, sir?”

Customer: *hands me coupon* “I’d like to redeem my free sandwich.”

Me: *looks at coupon* “Sir, there is no code on this receipt. I cannot accept this coupon.”

(The customer rips it out of my hand, tears it up into several pieces and throws it on the floorboard.)

Friend: “We’ll just pay for the sandwich, then.”

(Still infuriated, the customer picks the receipt pieces back off the floorboard and continues to rip them into smaller pieces, throwing them back on the ground.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

(This takes place while the customer is ordering at the drive-through speaker.)

Customer: “I want a [popular combo].”

Me: “What kind of drink?”

Customer: “No drink.”

Me: “Is that all?”

Customer: “No, I also want a Dr. Pepper on the side.”

Related:
Can’t Spell Without Without With

(Another employee and I are working the drive-thru and we both are able to talk to customers at the speaker box.)

Male coworker: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Well, I’ll take a number two and a number seven.”

(At this point, my coworker has to talk to another customer, so I finish talking to the customer. I am a woman.)

Me: “Okay, and what would you like to drink with those?”

Customer: “Wh-What happened to the MAN I was talking to?”

Me: “I’m sorry… he was helping another customer for a moment. Did you not want to talk to me?”

Customer: “That’s just rude and confusing for the customer!”

(I am working a very busy drive-thru. A 20-something year old woman has requested a very complicated ice cream order: a small milkshake, made with vanilla ice cream with caramel, hot fudge, peanuts, and snickers on top, unblended, in a medium cup. It takes me a minute to figure out how to enter this in the computer. By the time the woman has paid, her ice cream has been made correctly, but in the normal small cup.)

Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like this has already been made in the small cup. Is that okay?”

Customer: “No, I specifically asked for a medium so it won’t spill.”

Me: “Well, I can put a lid on it. Will that work?”

Customer: “No, I have to eat it now. Can you just dump it into a medium cup?”

Me: “I can scrape it into a bigger cup, but the toppings won’t be on top anymore.”

Customer: “Why not?”

(Searching for something to satisfy her, I find a cup sleeve that adds extra room to the top and fit it into her ice cream cup.)

Customer: “Will it spill?”

Me: “Well, it’s a removable sleeve. But if you keep it in there, the ice cream won’t spill.”

Customer: “But I have to eat it right now. Are you sure it won’t spill?”

Me: “If you spill it, ma’am, it will spill.”

(Note: I am working in a drive thru.)

Me: “Hello, can I take your order?”

(I hear the customer sigh. They then carry on talking to a friend.)

Me: “Hello, can I take an order please?”

Customer: “God! One minute please! Can’t a person just have some peace without being pestered for money?”

Me: “Um, sir, you’ve driven up to the drive thru speaker. I assumed you’d wish to order. If not, you should have gone into the car park.”

Customer: “You’re being extremely rude. And how did you know I was a man?”

Me: “There is a camera facing you, sir. I didn’t mean to come across as rude, but you are causing a queue, so if you do not plan to order, please leave the queue.”

Customer: *sigh* “Fine.”

(He gives an incredibly long order, with special requests. I read the order back to him to verify that it is correct.)

Me: “Okay, if that order is complete, check the screen and come to the window.”

Customer: “God, what took you so long?! *throws change on the counter and drives off*

(Ten minutes later, he comes back.)

Customer: “I am not happy!”

Me: “What’s the problem with your order, si–”

Customer: “I specifically asked for coke with no ice, and you put it in wrong! Guess what? There’s ice in my coke!”

Me: “Sir, I read the order back to you twice and then asked you to check the screen to ensure it was correct.”

Customer: “Well you serve people everyday. You should have been able to guess from experience that I didn’t want ice. My demeanor made it very obvious!”

(A customer bursts into the store and slams a bag of food onto the counter and immediately starts yelling.)

Customer: “I ordered six hamburgers and I only got…”

(The customer starts pulling the burgers out one by one counting them loudly for the whole store to hear.)

Customer: “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!”

(Her face turns bright red as she realizes her error.)

Customer: “…six.”

(The customer quickly throws the burgers back into the bag and runs out of the store.)