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    The Kind Of Customer We Want

    , | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I pull in to a local fast food drive-thru.)

    Clerk: *through the speaker* “Hello and thanks for choosing [Company]. What will it be today?”

    Me: *I’ve already decided, so I give my order with no hesitation* “I’ll have [order] with a [drink].”

    Clerk: *playfully with a sassy tone* “All right! A man who knows what he wants.”

    (We finish the order process. I pull around and wait my turn, several cars deep, before I finally get to the window.)

    Clerk: “Hey! It’s the man who knows what he wants.”

    Me: *jokingly* “I’ve changed my mind.”

    Clerk: “Noooooooooo….”

    Don’t Be Tardy With The Tardis Drink

    , | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a large chocolate shake, and can I still get burgers this late?”

    Me: “Absolutely.”

    Customer: “Great! I want the grilled onion cheddar burger, but no cheese.”

    Me: “So just the onions on the burger?”

    Customer: “Yeah, sorry to be so complicated.”

    Me: “It’s no problem, and honestly it’s not that bad. You’d be surprised at the kind of requests I get through here. Can I get anything else for you today?”

    Customer: *joking* “I’d like a large coke in a small cup to go.”

    Me: “Aw, I wish I could, but unfortunately our cups don’t have Time Lord technology, so they aren’t bigger on the inside.”

    Making A Fuss Over Small Fry

    , | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a fast food restaurant. We currently have a seafood special that comes with fries and a biscuit.)

    Customer: “Do you have one that comes without fries and a biscuit?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Customer: “How much would that be?”

    (I give her the price, plus tax.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll take that. How much does a drink cost?”

    Me: “A dollar.”

    Customer: “So I’ll take that and a drink.”

    (I ring up her order, making sure that she wants it without the fries and biscuit, to which she says yes. I assemble her order and give it to her. She’s not even away from the counter when she starts complaining.)

    Customer: “This is all I get?”

    Me: “Yes, you get eight pieces.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I paid five dollars for this?”

    (Her total was five dollars and change because of the one dollar drink.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. That’s how it comes.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous.”

    (At this point she spots my manager, who comes over to assist.)

    Customer: “It’s ridiculous that I just paid five dollars for this little bit of food!”

    Manager: “Can I see your receipt? The food was $3.99 and the drink was a dollar, plus tax.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, that’s still ridiculous.”

    Manager: “Would you like the fries and a biscuit?”

    Customer: “Yes, I think I would like that.”

    (At this point, I open my mouth, ready to interject that she specifically asked for no fries and no biscuit, just the eight pieces of seafood. But I don’t.)

    Manager: “If you give me one more dollar, you can get the fries and biscuit.”

    (She hands over the dollar and my manager tells me to serve the fries and biscuit. Once I’m finished, I give it to her.)

    Customer: “Thank you! God, that was ridiculous!”

    A Win Fail

    , | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (We’re currently running a promo.)

    Me: “With a meal deal you get this offer. You can enter the code online and see if you win concert tickets at Red Rocks.”

    Customer: “Whoa. So, how does this work?”

    Me: “You can go to the website written on the card and enter the code to see if you can win concert tickets.”

    Customer: “So I go to a website and enter a code?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So… what happens if I DON’T win?”

    Me: “Then you don’t win the concert tickets.”

    Customer: “Isn’t there a consolation prize?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “What kind of contest is this? I’m not guaranteed to win concert tickets?”

    Me: “A raffle.”

    Customer: “What’s a raffle?”

    (We are inside a university, as well…)

    Driving Thru Justice

    , | Springfield, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a fairly popular fast-food restaurant. Our location is right next to three different college campuses, so our main customers are a lot of students and teachers in-between classes. This, of course, means our fast service is super-essential, especially in the middle of a rush-hour lunch period.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food]! How does a [Burger] sound today?”

    Customer: “What sounds good is a moment to order. Just wait a second.”

    Me: “Okie-dokie, just holla as soon as you’re ready to—”

    Customer: “Will you shut the f*** up and let me f****** decide?!”

    Me:  *shocked* “Um, okay. I—”

    Customer: “Um, um, um! BE QUIET. I AM TRYING TO ORDER!”

    (I stay quiet for four minutes, until she speaks again.)

    Customer: “Are you even f****** there?”

    Me: “Yeppers, and I’m ready to take your order whenever you are.”

    Customer: “Don’t you f****** take that tone with me! I’ll have a large number six with a [Soda], no ice.”

    Me: “Excellent, I’ve got a—”

    Customer: “What’s my total?”

    Me: “I’ll ring it up.”

    (The customer drives up before I am done punching it in, and parks at the first window. There is no one there, since that employee is on her break, and all of the service is left to me. Eventually, the customer seems to get the message, and I wave her up to the final window.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t there anyone f****** there to take my money?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He’s on break. It’s just me right now.” *I hand her her drink* “Your total came to $6.55.”

    Customer: “WHAT? That’s too much. I don’t have that!” *waves her credit card*

    Me: “I’m sorry. I was trying to tell you the total at the speaker—”

    Customer: “This [Soda] tastes like s***. I want a free one.”

    Me: “I’ll just pour you another one—”

    Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

    (I get my manager, who had heard the better part of our exchange over the headsets.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I swear I never do this, but I have been waiting forever to get my food, your worker is a f****** b**** and totally incompetent, and this isn’t the drink I ordered. And if I don’t get a free [Competitor’s Burger] and some pies or something, then I swear I’m never coming back and I will tell my kids and all of my grandkids and everyone I know to never come back to this restaurant ever again!”

    Manager: “That’s really too bad. If you want a free [Competitor’s Burger], you’ll have to get your a** down three blocks and b**** at the [Competitor]‘s people instead. And you’ll have to, now that I’m officially banning you. Get the f*** out of my drive-thru.”

    (At this, my manager slammed the window shut and told me to go ahead and eat the meal that the rude customer had left behind.)

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