Yellow Asparagus Will Make You Quite Green

, | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Okay, what kind of veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

Customer: “I’ll take lettuce, spinach, olives, and asparagus.”

Me: “Uh, we don’t have asparagus.”

(Her tone suddenly becomes very snide and she points at a bin of vegetables.)

Customer: “Well, what do you call that then?”

Me: “…banana peppers.”

Customer: “So that’s not yellow asparagus?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure if we sold yellow asparagus we’d be shut down. Asparagus is green.”

Customer: *embarrassed* “Well, I’m sure a lot of people make that mistake.”

Me: “Nope.”

The Kind Of Customer We Want

, | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I pull in to a local fast food drive-thru.)

Clerk: *through the speaker* “Hello and thanks for choosing [Company]. What will it be today?”

Me: *I’ve already decided, so I give my order with no hesitation* “I’ll have [order] with a [drink].”

Clerk: *playfully with a sassy tone* “All right! A man who knows what he wants.”

(We finish the order process. I pull around and wait my turn, several cars deep, before I finally get to the window.)

Clerk: “Hey! It’s the man who knows what he wants.”

Me: *jokingly* “I’ve changed my mind.”

Clerk: “Noooooooooo….”

Don’t Be Tardy With The Tardis Drink

, | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want a large chocolate shake, and can I still get burgers this late?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Customer: “Great! I want the grilled onion cheddar burger, but no cheese.”

Me: “So just the onions on the burger?”

Customer: “Yeah, sorry to be so complicated.”

Me: “It’s no problem, and honestly it’s not that bad. You’d be surprised at the kind of requests I get through here. Can I get anything else for you today?”

Customer: *joking* “I’d like a large coke in a small cup to go.”

Me: “Aw, I wish I could, but unfortunately our cups don’t have Time Lord technology, so they aren’t bigger on the inside.”

Making A Fuss Over Small Fry

, | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a fast food restaurant. We currently have a seafood special that comes with fries and a biscuit.)

Customer: “Do you have one that comes without fries and a biscuit?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “How much would that be?”

(I give her the price, plus tax.)

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take that. How much does a drink cost?”

Me: “A dollar.”

Customer: “So I’ll take that and a drink.”

(I ring up her order, making sure that she wants it without the fries and biscuit, to which she says yes. I assemble her order and give it to her. She’s not even away from the counter when she starts complaining.)

Customer: “This is all I get?”

Me: “Yes, you get eight pieces.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I paid five dollars for this?”

(Her total was five dollars and change because of the one dollar drink.)

Me: “I’m sorry. That’s how it comes.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous.”

(At this point she spots my manager, who comes over to assist.)

Customer: “It’s ridiculous that I just paid five dollars for this little bit of food!”

Manager: “Can I see your receipt? The food was $3.99 and the drink was a dollar, plus tax.”

Customer: “Oh, well, that’s still ridiculous.”

Manager: “Would you like the fries and a biscuit?”

Customer: “Yes, I think I would like that.”

(At this point, I open my mouth, ready to interject that she specifically asked for no fries and no biscuit, just the eight pieces of seafood. But I don’t.)

Manager: “If you give me one more dollar, you can get the fries and biscuit.”

(She hands over the dollar and my manager tells me to serve the fries and biscuit. Once I’m finished, I give it to her.)

Customer: “Thank you! God, that was ridiculous!”

A Win Fail

, | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(We’re currently running a promo.)

Me: “With a meal deal you get this offer. You can enter the code online and see if you win concert tickets at Red Rocks.”

Customer: “Whoa. So, how does this work?”

Me: “You can go to the website written on the card and enter the code to see if you can win concert tickets.”

Customer: “So I go to a website and enter a code?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So… what happens if I DON’T win?”

Me: “Then you don’t win the concert tickets.”

Customer: “Isn’t there a consolation prize?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What kind of contest is this? I’m not guaranteed to win concert tickets?”

Me: “A raffle.”

Customer: “What’s a raffle?”

(We are inside a university, as well…)

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