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    Listen For Those Nuggets Of Information

    , | UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I take orders in the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi, can I take your order, please?”

    Customer: “Can I have a large chicken nugget meal, please?”

    Me: “Sure, what drink?”

    Customer: “LARGE. CHICKEN. NUGGET. MEAL.”

    Me: “Yeah. What drink?”

    (The customer rolls their eyes and sighs before making some comment to the passenger about ‘kids these days.’)

    Customer: “Chicken—”

    Me: “Yes. I heard you say large chicken nugget meal the first time. I asked you what drink?”

    Customer: *laughs* “Oh. Coke!”

    Me: “Any dips?”

    Customer: “COKE!”

    The Bruise Is A Ruse

    , | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Holidays

    (The restaurant I work for allows us to dress up on Halloween, provided we do not wear a mask or anything revealing, too scary, or otherwise inappropriate. I dress up like a female biker as this is the easiest way to dress up and still follow the rules. To add little extra touches to my costume I would slap on some fake tattoos and use makeup to create a black eye. I am working drive thru and a few people comment on the black eye, but would just remark on what a good job I had done with the makeup. Then a gentleman pulls up to the window.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God. Are you okay?”

    Me: *joking* “Yeah. You should see the other guy, though.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “You mean to tell me a MAN did that to you! I thought you got into a fight with another girl!”

    Me: “No, sir. No one did this to me. It’s makeup.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? You don’t have to lie if someone is hitting you.”

    Me: “I’m perfectly aware of that, sir, but I assure you it’s just makeup. See?”

    (I wipe my finger on the ‘bruise’ and show him the color on my finger.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I thought I was going to have to beat someone up for you.”

    Me: “I can tell you right now: if someone ever hit me I would make sure they SERIOUSLY regretted it immediately!”

    Customer: “I bet you would!”

    Closed To All Reason

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s half an hour after closing, and we’re finishing our cleaning duties. All the food has been put away, the lights are off, and there are multiple doors with signs stating our daily hours. Despite this, a car drives up.)

    Customer: *comes up to the door* “Hey!” *tries to open door* “Hey, open the door!” *bangs on door repeatedly*

    (I see and hear him, but it’s been a rough day, and I’m not interested in dealing with him.)

    Customer: “Hey, I know you can hear me!” *bangs harder on the door* “I’m hungry, and I want food!” *starts violently shaking door* “I WANT A F****** [popular food item] OKAY! HOW HARD IS IT TO GET A F****** [food item] HERE?!” *starts to kick at the door*

    (At this point, I’m starting to get a little nervous that this guy is actually dangerous. I go to get my manager. As I’m talking to my manager, we hear a crash and the sound of shattering glass.)

    Manager: “What the f***?!” *runs to the front*

    (The customer has smashed in the door and is standing at the register, apparently ready to order.)

    Manager: “Sir, we are closed! What the f*** is wrong with you?! You will pay for all of the damage!”

    Customer: “What?! You guys are closed?! Why didn’t you guys tell me? I’ll come back tomorrow then!” *smiling, he casually walks away*

    (Fortunately, we got his license plate number and called the cops the next day, but not before he came in asking for the same food!)

    Funny Money

    , | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am working in the drive thru lane. A car with two women in it pulls up. Both look strung out, like they are on drugs.)

    Me: “That’ll be [total].”

    (The driver doesn’t say anything to me but pulls a bill out of her wallet, smells it carefully, then nods to herself.)

    Customer: “Okay. This one’s good.”

    (She hands me the money and I try not to be too obvious that I’m very gingerly handling it. I washed my hands after they left, just in case!)

    Unbalanced Customer

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A lady comes up to my register with a child on her hip. The boy has to be at least two or three years old, plenty old enough to walk on his own. His mother orders several meals with bright red fruit punch, value sizing all of them.)

    Me: “Here are your drinks. The food will be out shortly. Shall I carry your tray for you?”

    Customer: “No, I’ve got it.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It’s kind of heavy and wobbly, especially with you holding your child in one arm. It’s not a problem at all.”

    Customer: “NO. I’VE. GOT. IT!”

    (I’m still not sure she can get it on her own, but there is nothing I can do at this point.)

    Me: “Okay. I’ll bring your food out when it’s ready.”

    (The customer walks off, and I wince as the tray wobbles unsteadily in her hand. I turn back to my work, but not a minute later there is a huge crash from the back of the dining room, near the entrance to the kiddie play area. My coworker and I rush over to see what is going on. With one hand still holding her son and the other balancing a tray of three 32 ounce drinks, the customer had attempted to open the door to the play area. The busted cups, along with all 96 ounces of fruit punch and ice, are splattered on the floor. Note that there is a large sign posted that bans food or drink from the play area.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your drinks are ruined. Why don’t you have a seat? I’ll get you some new ones?”

    Customer: “Okay. We’ll be in there.”

    (The customer attempts to step over the large mess and enter the play area.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’ll have to ask you to sit at a table. If you want to watch your kids, we have several right here by the glass wall looking into the playground.”

    Customer: “But I want to eat in THERE.”

    Me: “I understand, ma’am, but we ask that you don’t bring food or drinks in the play area. There aren’t any tables in there anyway, just two small benches.”

    (The customer continues to get more and more irate.)

    Customer: “But I want to eat in there!”

    Me: *firmly* “Ma’am, please have a seat. Your food will be out in just a minute, and we will get you new drinks. I cannot allow you to break the rules. It’s too easy for the carpet and equipment to get ruined if you spill while in the play area. You’ve already caused a hazard by trying to go inside with two full hands.”

    (While we are speaking, I have to physically catch one little girl who tries to run out the door and slips on the drinks. I also have to stop several other children from nearly having the same accident.)

    Customer: “FINE!”

    (The customer sighed loudly and stalked over to a table. When my coworker came back, I got him to watch the door so I could get towels and a mop. I spent the next five minutes on my hands and knees, cleaning up a mess that temporarily stained both of my hands bright red. I also had to keep an eye out that no children came through quickly and hurt themselves or me. Then I had to spend longer drying it to completely eliminate any chance of injury by anyone. The customer spent the entire time giving me one of the dirtiest glares I have ever seen.)

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