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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Named And Shamed

    , | Sandy, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Funny Names, Top

    (My debit card has just gone missing. I think I left it at the gas station after I got gas earlier, and now I’m at work. My name is a European variation of a common American name, and though spelled similarly, is quite different. For example, Kristen versus Kirsten. As such, when people read my name, they often use the American version. One of my coworkers calls me over using my nickname.)

    Coworker: “Hey, can you come here a moment?”

    Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

    Coworker: “This guy’s trying to use his girlfriend’s card.”

    (The customer slides a credit card over that looks familiar.)

    Me: “Uhm, can I see your ID?”

    Customer: “It’s my girlfriend’s card; she’s out in the car. I can go get her.”

    Me: “What’s her name?”

    Customer: “Kristen [Last-Name].”

    Me: “Spell her first name.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Please?”

    Customer: *sighs* “K R I S T E N.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but she’s going to have to come in and authorize the purchase. I’ll keep the card in the back office until you get back.”

    Customer: “Give me the card, you b****!”

    Me: “I can’t do that when I know this card is stolen.”

    Customer: “It’s not stolen, c***! That’s my girlfriend’s card!”

    Me: “No. This is my card. As you can see, my name tag is spelled correctly, and you spelled it wrong. Also, if you were my boyfriend, I’d break up with you just for not knowing what my name was.”

    (I was very relieved to get my card back! Unfortunately, the customer had run up $300 worth of purchases, but luckily the restaurant I work at has a security camera, and we got his face on camera. I am later able to prove I didn’t make those purchases, so don’t have to pay for them!)

    One Sandwich, Hold The Plural

    , | Stillwater, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (I am working at a very popular fast food place. I am very sick, and have tried to call in, but as we were short-handed, I am asked to come and just work the lunch rush. Since the lunch rush is over, my manager tells me to help the last two customers, who appear to be construction workers, and then I can go home. I smile brightly despite feeling like crap.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I want [sandwiches]!”

    (I am confused, as he pluralizes the word and doesn’t specify the number of sandwiches.)

    Me: “Sure, how many would you like?”

    Customer: *glaring* “I… want… ONE… [sandwich]. Do you understand? ONE… [sandwich].”

    Me: “Sure, sorry for the misunderstanding. It’s just usually when someone pluralizes a word, that means they want more than one. Would you like the meal, or just the sandwich?”

    Customer: “I said ONE [sandwich]! I don’t want the d*** meal!”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Would you like anything else?”

    Customer: “Yeah, give me a small fry and an orange juice.”

    Me: “Sir, it would actually be cheaper for you to just get the meal, which comes with a medium fry, and then you could still get orange juice as the drink.”

    Customer: “I said I don’t want the meal! Are you stupid?”

    Me: “No, sir, just trying to save you money. But that’s fine. Your total is [total].”

    (His total is a couple of dollars more than how much the meal would have been.)

    Customer: “Wait. How much would the meal be?”

    Me: “Just one moment, and I’ll total that up for you.”

    (I press a few buttons, canceling out his order, and replace it with the meal with an orange juice.)

    Me: “Your total doing it that way is [new total].”

    Customer: “Huh. I guess it is cheaper. I’ll do that instead.”

    (The customer pays, and I help the next customer in line, who is apparently one of his coworkers. This one is much nicer than the other one, and even says please and thank you. I get off work and go to change out of my work clothes so I can walk home. On my way out of the bathroom, I’m stopped by the two men.)

    Customer: “Listen, I’m really sorry for how I treated you. There was no excuse for that. I’ve just had a really bad day.”

    Me: “It’s okay, sir, really.”

    Customer: “This is for you.”

    (He hands me an apple pie, which he had apparently gotten after I had gone into the bathroom to change.)

    Customer: “Your manager tells me that you are sick today, and still came in. I never would have guessed you weren’t feeling well. Your customer service is really extraordinary, and I told him so.”

    Me: “Thank you so much, sir. I hope you have a much better day from here on out, both of you!”

    (They wish me a good day also, and tell me they hope I feel better soon. Somehow, after that, I DO actually feel better!)

    Being Extra Extra Extra Polite

    , | Palmerston North, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi there, please place your order when you’re ready, thanks.”

    Customer: “Hi, could I get a [popular burger combo] with extra extra extra mayo, please?”

    Me: “Sure, that was [burger] with add mayo?”

    Customer: “Can you add more than that?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sure, I’ll add extra extra mayo. That’s [total], drive on up.”

    (When the customer gets to the window, I pack up her order, and laugh. They’d written ‘+mayo +mayo +mayo’ all over the burger wrap.)

    Me: “Here you go, miss, with extra extra extra mayo.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *opens up the bag, and laughs* “Or, should I say, thank you, thank you, thank you?”

    Chip Quip

    , | NM, USA | Food & Drink, Geography, Language & Words

    (I’ve recently moved to the USA from England, and have got myself a job in a fast food place. I keep saying chips instead of fries, which causes confusion.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Can I get two medium chips to go please?”

    Customer: “No, I wanted fries.”

    Me: “Oh yeah, my bad. I’m still not used to talking American.”

    Customer: “So where you from? Mexico?”

    (I have tanned skin, so this is a common question.)

    Me: “No mate, I’m British.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. So you’re not used to speaking English?”

    Me: “What? Us Brits speak English too; we invented the language.”

    Customer: “Oh sweetie, don’t worry! You’ll learn real English in America.”

    Me: “Okay.” *I decide to throw in a British colloquialism* “Here’s your order. Have a pukka day!”

    Customer: “See, I knew you British didn’t speak English.”

    Dumb By Any Metric, Part 2

    , | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway, Tourists/Travel

    (We sell burgers in 1/4 lb and 1/2 lb size. It is part of our job to clarify which burger the customer is ordering. I overhear my coworker’s exchange at the next till.)

    Customer: “I’d like a burger please.”

    Coworker: “Certainly. Would you like the 1/4 lb or 1/2 lb?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure; whichever is bigger.”

    Coworker: “That would be the 1/2 lb.”

    Customer: “Sorry, I’m from the States, and I don’t understand your Canadian measurements!”

    Related:
    Dumb By Any Metric


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