Your Drive Me Crazy! This week, we share five stories of customers who drive employees nuts—and the brave workers who are driven to serve them just the same!

1. Drive Hoo:
   Woohoo! Drive-thru customers can really drive you crazy!
2. Preserving Life, 1-Up At A Time:
   Proof that Pokémon-players take “Gotta Catch ‘Em All” VERY seriously.
3. Copycats…and Copy Dogs, Copy Sheep…:
   A customer wanting to clone his dog? Just another day at the bookstore!
4. That Was Random:
   One coffee shop customer takes a random walk on the weird side.
5. We Can Thank Hollywood And “Hacker” Films For This:
   Tech support can fix your hard drive, but not the car you drive!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(An older, unkempt-looking man comes up to my counter.)

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. Can I take your order, sir?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Me: “What would you like?”

Customer: *pauses* “What do you want?”

Me: “Sir, what would you like to eat?”

Customer: “Stop rushing me, woman! Let me have some coffee!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What kind of coffee would you like? We have—”

(The customer throws a twenty dollar bill on the counter and starts shouting profanities at me and the other customers in the line.)

Customer: “D*** kids these days! Just give me my f***ing coffee, b****!”

Me: “I apologize, sir, but I can’t serve you if you don’t tell me what kind of coffee you would like. Unfortunately, you are disrupting the other patrons and I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “I’LL LEAVE ‘CUZ I WANT TO LEAVE!” *leaves in a huff*

(In his haste, the customer left his twenty dollar bill on the counter. He never returned, so I ended up paying for the next few customers’ meals with the money that he left behind.)

(I’m in the back taking money and orders when a customer pulls up to my window.)

Customer: “I heard that your chicken sandwiches aren’t made of chicken. I heard they’re actually made of rooster.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your chicken sandwiches aren’t made of chickens, but roosters, right?”

Me: “Roosters are chickens, sir.”

Customer: “No, they’re not!”

Me: “Yes, roosters are male chickens and hens are female chickens.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s like that human thing, too…boy and girl! I see…” *drives off without ordering anything*

(I’m eating a hamburger. I see the man next to me carefully picking a slab of cheese out of his burger, wrapping it in a paper napkin, and eating the rest of the burger. It puzzles me, so I ask him about it.)

Me: *point at napkin* “Excuse me, but why did you do that?”

Man: “Oh, every time I eat a burger, I set one ingredient aside. At the end of the week, I have a free burger!”

Customer: “I would like a number eight. That comes with a fruit punch, right?”

Me: “It comes with a large drink of your choice.”

Customer: “The sign shows fruit punch.”

Me: “Yes, but you can get what you want.”

Customer: “But the sign shows fruit punch!”

Related:
Option Overload

(I work at a fast food restaurant gives customers their meals for free if they have been waiting a long time. This particular day, I’ve been told to void the next couple of cars. One girl in her 20s pulls up while talking on the phone.)

Me: “Hello! I’m sorry for your wait. Your meal is on the house.”

Customer: “Oh, really?! That’s awesome!”

Me: “There’s your meal! Have a great day.”

Customer: *into her phone* “Dude, [restaurant] just gave me my food for free! Yeah, and it was like a six dollar meal!” *quietly so we can’t hear* “I might be pregnant, but this just makes up for it!”

Attack Of The Tax! Tax season may be over in the U.S., but what happens when you mix clueless customers and too-high taxes? A ca-tax-trophe, that’s what!

1. War Can Be Taxing:
   The Revolutionary War of 2012: Founding Fathers doing revolutions in their graves due to a brainless populace!
2. Taxation With Agitation:
   It’s like the Boston Tea Party…except in a gas station…in Tennessee…
3. Bacon, Lettuce, and Taxes:
   We know that fast food customers will eat anything, but we never knew taxes could be tasty!
4. Taxing Customers:
   However you add things up, this retail customer is minus a few brain cells.
5. Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks:
   Wonder where your tax dollars go? To humongous, lake-covering umbrellas, of course!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Me: *holding a bag out the window* “Dave! Bacon cheeseburger and regular fries!”

Customer: *comes up and grabs the bag* “Thanks!”

Me: “Hey, I just took your order like a minute ago. Didn’t you get an ice cream cone?”

Customer: “Yeah, thanks.”

Me: “That’s not an ice cream cone; it’s a bacon cheeseburger and regular fries. Is your name Dave?”

Customer: “No!” *hands back the bag* “Where’s my cone?!”

Related:
To Whom This May (Not) Concern

Prank You Very Much! Happy April Fools’ Day, readers! This week, we share five stories that show the foolish hazards of pulling a fast one!

1. Impractical Jokes:
   Guys, take note: a fake stabbing to freak out your wife might result in a real stabbing—by your wife!
2. Bohemian Nobody:
   Customer, oo-oo-oo-ooh // Didn’t mean to make you cry // If you’re not back again this time tomorrow // Go away, go away // Your pranks don’t really matter…
3. Prankin’ Like It’s 1929:
   This elderly caller’s prank is probably older than your grandparents, but he proves laughter IS the best medicine—especially when it’s at your expense!
4. Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2:
   A caller learns the hard way that if you’re gonna prank an employee, at least be original!
5. Morbid Curiosity Killed The Cat:
   Note to prank callers: your cat is NOT a get-out-of-jail-free card!

PS: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

(A man approaches the counter.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering what days you guys are closed.”

Me: “We’re open everyday.”

Customer: “Yes, but which days aren’t you open?”

Me: “None. We are open every day.”

Customer: *irritated* “Are you deaf? Which days AREN’T you open?”

Me: “Sir, we are open on days that end with the letter Y.”

Customer: “Right! So you’re open 4 days a week! Why didn’t you just say that?”