(I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)

Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”

Me: “49.”

Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”

Me: “64.”

Customer: “E equals MC squared?”

Me: “What about it?”

Customer: “What does it mean?”

Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”

Customer: “Uhm…”

Me: “Would you like fries with that?”

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

Coworker: “Is that all?”

Customer: “YESSS!”

Customer: “You seem a bit slow. Is this your first day?”

Me: “Actually, it is. I’m sorry if I held you up.”

Customer: “No problem. You’ll get the hang of it. I should know. I have seven sons, and they all work at fast food places just like you.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice!”

Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s pathetic and disappointing!”

Related:
Childhood Dream, Meet Retail Nightmare

(At the fast food restaurant where I work, we’ve just introduced a burger that is very large. Three customers come into the store…)

Customer #1: “Can I get that new burger?”

Me: “Sure, would you like anything else?”

Customer #2: “Oh my God! You’re getting the new burger?!”

Customer #1: “Yeah!”

Customer #2, to me: “Hey, would that burger fit in my mouth?” *opens his mouth wide*

Me: “No, sir. I seriously believe it won’t.”

Customer #2: “What about now?” *opens bigger*

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer #2: “NOW?” *opens it as large as he possibly can*

Me: “No.”

Customer #3: “I apologise for his small mouth.” *hits the second customer on the head*

Me: “That’s okay.”

Customer #3: “So, would it fit in mine?” *opens mouth*

Me: “No it won’t, sir…”

Me: “Hi, can I take your order?”

Drive-thru customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Me: “Can I take your order?”

Drive-thru customer: “I know, I heard you. But why would you ask that question like that?”

Me: “Um, I need to know what food to have prepared for you.”

Drive-thru customer: “Don’t get smart with me! I heard what you said, and I would prefer it if you’d word your sentence differently.”

Me: “Oh, okay. May I take your order?”

Drive-thru customer: “That’s better! Yes, you may!”

Me: “Okay, what would you like?”

Drive-thru customer: “I’m not sure yet. Give me a minute!”

(A customer comes up to the register at about 11 pm, looking a little out of it.)

Customer: “Hi, how much is a double cheeseburger?”

Me: “With tax, it comes to $1.46.”

Customer: “Oh…okay…” (Searches through his pockets and comes up with 63 cents.) “Can I pay with this much cash and the rest on debit?”

Me: “Sure, that’s no problem. I’ll have to do the debit portion first.”

Customer: “Normally, I’d pay with the whole thing on debit, but I just bought a bunch of pot and I don’t know what’s left in my account.”

Me: “How did you manage to buy pot with your debit card?”

Customer: “Oh man! My dealer is so great! He just got one of those portable debit machines! He comes right to my house!”

Me: “Well, if you could just swipe your card…”

Customer: “Oh no! I didn’t protect my pin. What if you saw it?”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry sir, I was over there I wasn’t even watching, and anyways I have a terrible memory.”

Customer: “Ok, well it’s 6969. That’s my favorite number!”

(After leaving with his food I had to chase after him, as he had left his debit card in the machine.)

(I’m working register when a lady comes up leading her sobbing son. He has a big lump on his forehead that’s starting to turn black and blue.)

Customer: “Could I have some ice for his head? He hit it on something.”

Me: “Yes! Poor little guy.”

(I fill a glove with ice, wrap it in a paper rag and hand it over.)

Me: “First Aid is just down there.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks. Hey, while we’re here, could I get a grilled chicken salad?”

(While working at the drive-thru window early one morning, a woman starts talking to me as I am waiting on her food.)

Customer: “Can you name 7 planets?”

Me: “Uh…I can name 9, if you want to include Pluto…” *names the planets*

Customer: “What about the sun?”

Me: “The sun is a star.”

Customer: “Oh. What about the moon?”

Me: “The moon is our natural satellite…”

Customer: “Huh. But it doesn’t move.”

Me: “The moon revolves around the Earth.”

Customer: “But the moon doesn’t move. I can see it right now.”

Me: *hands her her food* “OK ma’am…have a nice day.”

Me: *in the drive-thru* “Hello, welcome to ****. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, hi, I was just wondering, what are your apple slices?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I don’t understand the question. Are you asking for the price?”

Customer: “No, I want to know what they are. On the menu it says ‘apple slices’. What are they?”

Me: “They’re…slices of apple, sir.”

Customer: “That’s it?”

Me: “Yes sir.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought maybe they were something fancier than that. Never mind.”

(I had just finished taking an order for a customer. My parents are from Germany, so I have a slight accent.)

Me: “That will be $10.87, ma’am. Anything else for you?”

Customer: “You have a a very neat accent, miss. Where are you from?”

Me: “I was born in Colorado, ma’am.”

Customer: “Wow, really? What language do they speak there?”

Me: “…”