Fast Food | Maryland, USA
(I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)
Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”
Me: “49.”
Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”
Me: “64.”
Customer: “E equals MC squared?”
Me: “What about it?”
Customer: “What does it mean?”
Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”
Customer: “Uhm…”
Me: “Would you like fries with that?”
Fast Food | Rochester, NY, USA
Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”
Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”
Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”
Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”
Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”
Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”
Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”
Coworker: “Is that all?”
Customer: “YESSS!”
Fast Food | Connecticut, USA
Customer: “You seem a bit slow. Is this your first day?”
Me: “Actually, it is. I’m sorry if I held you up.”
Customer: “No problem. You’ll get the hang of it. I should know. I have seven sons, and they all work at fast food places just like you.”
Me: “Oh, that’s nice!”
Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s pathetic and disappointing!”
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Fast Food | NSW, Australia
(At the fast food restaurant where I work, we’ve just introduced a burger that is very large. Three customers come into the store…)
Customer #1: “Can I get that new burger?”
Me: “Sure, would you like anything else?”
Customer #2: “Oh my God! You’re getting the new burger?!”
Customer #1: “Yeah!”
Customer #2, to me: “Hey, would that burger fit in my mouth?” *opens his mouth wide*
Me: “No, sir. I seriously believe it won’t.”
Customer #2: “What about now?” *opens bigger*
Me: “No, sir.”
Customer #2: “NOW?” *opens it as large as he possibly can*
Me: “No.”
Customer #3: “I apologise for his small mouth.” *hits the second customer on the head*
Me: “That’s okay.”
Customer #3: “So, would it fit in mine?” *opens mouth*
Me: “No it won’t, sir…”
Fast Food | Minneapolis, MN, USA
Me: “Hi, can I take your order?”
Drive-thru customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Me: “Can I take your order?”
Drive-thru customer: “I know, I heard you. But why would you ask that question like that?”
Me: “Um, I need to know what food to have prepared for you.”
Drive-thru customer: “Don’t get smart with me! I heard what you said, and I would prefer it if you’d word your sentence differently.”
Me: “Oh, okay. May I take your order?”
Drive-thru customer: “That’s better! Yes, you may!”
Me: “Okay, what would you like?”
Drive-thru customer: “I’m not sure yet. Give me a minute!”
Fast Food | Hamilton, ON, Canada
(A customer comes up to the register at about 11 pm, looking a little out of it.)
Customer: “Hi, how much is a double cheeseburger?”
Me: “With tax, it comes to $1.46.”
Customer: “Oh…okay…” (Searches through his pockets and comes up with 63 cents.) “Can I pay with this much cash and the rest on debit?”
Me: “Sure, that’s no problem. I’ll have to do the debit portion first.”
Customer: “Normally, I’d pay with the whole thing on debit, but I just bought a bunch of pot and I don’t know what’s left in my account.”
Me: “How did you manage to buy pot with your debit card?”
Customer: “Oh man! My dealer is so great! He just got one of those portable debit machines! He comes right to my house!”
Me: “Well, if you could just swipe your card…”
Customer: “Oh no! I didn’t protect my pin. What if you saw it?”
Me: “Oh, don’t worry sir, I was over there I wasn’t even watching, and anyways I have a terrible memory.”
Customer: “Ok, well it’s 6969. That’s my favorite number!”
(After leaving with his food I had to chase after him, as he had left his debit card in the machine.)
Fast Food | Cincinnati, OH, USA
(I’m working register when a lady comes up leading her sobbing son. He has a big lump on his forehead that’s starting to turn black and blue.)
Customer: “Could I have some ice for his head? He hit it on something.”
Me: “Yes! Poor little guy.”
(I fill a glove with ice, wrap it in a paper rag and hand it over.)
Me: “First Aid is just down there.”
Customer: “Okay, thanks. Hey, while we’re here, could I get a grilled chicken salad?”
Fast Food | Kennesaw, GA, USA
(While working at the drive-thru window early one morning, a woman starts talking to me as I am waiting on her food.)
Customer: “Can you name 7 planets?”
Me: “Uh…I can name 9, if you want to include Pluto…” *names the planets*
Customer: “What about the sun?”
Me: “The sun is a star.”
Customer: “Oh. What about the moon?”
Me: “The moon is our natural satellite…”
Customer: “Huh. But it doesn’t move.”
Me: “The moon revolves around the Earth.”
Customer: “But the moon doesn’t move. I can see it right now.”
Me: *hands her her food* “OK ma’am…have a nice day.”
Fast Food | Manitoba, Canada
Me: *in the drive-thru* “Hello, welcome to ****. What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “Yes, hi, I was just wondering, what are your apple slices?”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, I don’t understand the question. Are you asking for the price?”
Customer: “No, I want to know what they are. On the menu it says ‘apple slices’. What are they?”
Me: “They’re…slices of apple, sir.”
Customer: “That’s it?”
Me: “Yes sir.”
Customer: “Oh. I thought maybe they were something fancier than that. Never mind.”
Fast Food | Idaho, USA
(I had just finished taking an order for a customer. My parents are from Germany, so I have a slight accent.)
Me: “That will be $10.87, ma’am. Anything else for you?”
Customer: “You have a a very neat accent, miss. Where are you from?”
Me: “I was born in Colorado, ma’am.”
Customer: “Wow, really? What language do they speak there?”
Me: “…”
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