Customer: “You seem a bit slow. Is this your first day?”
Me: “Actually, it is. I’m sorry if I held you up.”
Customer: “No problem. You’ll get the hang of it. I should know. I have seven sons, and they all work at fast food places just like you.”
Me: “Oh, that’s nice!”
Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s pathetic and disappointing!”
(At the fast food restaurant where I work, we’ve just introduced a burger that is very large. Three customers come into the store…)
Customer #1: “Can I get that new burger?”
Me: “Sure, would you like anything else?”
Customer #2: “Oh my God! You’re getting the new burger?!”
Customer #1: “Yeah!”
Customer #2, to me: “Hey, would that burger fit in my mouth?” *opens his mouth wide*
Me: “No, sir. I seriously believe it won’t.”
Customer #2: “What about now?” *opens bigger*
Me: “No, sir.”
Customer #2: “NOW?” *opens it as large as he possibly can*
Me: “No.”
Customer #3: “I apologise for his small mouth.” *hits the second customer on the head*
Me: “That’s okay.”
Customer #3: “So, would it fit in mine?” *opens mouth*
Me: “No it won’t, sir…”
Me: “Hi, can I take your order?”
Drive-thru customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Me: “Can I take your order?”
Drive-thru customer: “I know, I heard you. But why would you ask that question like that?”
Me: “Um, I need to know what food to have prepared for you.”
Drive-thru customer: “Don’t get smart with me! I heard what you said, and I would prefer it if you’d word your sentence differently.”
Me: “Oh, okay. May I take your order?”
Drive-thru customer: “That’s better! Yes, you may!”
Me: “Okay, what would you like?”
Drive-thru customer: “I’m not sure yet. Give me a minute!”
(A customer comes up to the register at about 11 pm, looking a little out of it.)
Customer: “Hi, how much is a double cheeseburger?”
Me: “With tax, it comes to $1.46.”
Customer: “Oh…okay…” (Searches through his pockets and comes up with 63 cents.) “Can I pay with this much cash and the rest on debit?”
Me: “Sure, that’s no problem. I’ll have to do the debit portion first.”
Customer: “Normally, I’d pay with the whole thing on debit, but I just bought a bunch of pot and I don’t know what’s left in my account.”
Me: “How did you manage to buy pot with your debit card?”
Customer: “Oh man! My dealer is so great! He just got one of those portable debit machines! He comes right to my house!”
Me: “Well, if you could just swipe your card…”
Customer: “Oh no! I didn’t protect my pin. What if you saw it?”
Me: “Oh, don’t worry sir, I was over there I wasn’t even watching, and anyways I have a terrible memory.”
Customer: “Ok, well it’s 6969. That’s my favorite number!”
(After leaving with his food I had to chase after him, as he had left his debit card in the machine.)
(I’m working register when a lady comes up leading her sobbing son. He has a big lump on his forehead that’s starting to turn black and blue.)
Customer: “Could I have some ice for his head? He hit it on something.”
Me: “Yes! Poor little guy.”
(I fill a glove with ice, wrap it in a paper rag and hand it over.)
Me: “First Aid is just down there.”
Customer: “Okay, thanks. Hey, while we’re here, could I get a grilled chicken salad?”
(While working at the drive-thru window early one morning, a woman starts talking to me as I am waiting on her food.)
Customer: “Can you name 7 planets?”
Me: “Uh…I can name 9, if you want to include Pluto…” *names the planets*
Customer: “What about the sun?”
Me: “The sun is a star.”
Customer: “Oh. What about the moon?”
Me: “The moon is our natural satellite…”
Customer: “Huh. But it doesn’t move.”
Me: “The moon revolves around the Earth.”
Customer: “But the moon doesn’t move. I can see it right now.”
Me: *hands her her food* “OK ma’am…have a nice day.”
Me: *in the drive-thru* “Hello, welcome to ****. What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “Yes, hi, I was just wondering, what are your apple slices?”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, I don’t understand the question. Are you asking for the price?”
Customer: “No, I want to know what they are. On the menu it says ‘apple slices’. What are they?”
Me: “They’re…slices of apple, sir.”
Customer: “That’s it?”
Me: “Yes sir.”
Customer: “Oh. I thought maybe they were something fancier than that. Never mind.”
(I had just finished taking an order for a customer. My parents are from Germany, so I have a slight accent.)
Me: “That will be $10.87, ma’am. Anything else for you?”
Customer: “You have a a very neat accent, miss. Where are you from?”
Me: “I was born in Colorado, ma’am.”
Customer: “Wow, really? What language do they speak there?”
Me: “…”
(I’m English and backpacking in New Zealand. I’ve just started work in a fast food place and am on the drive through for the first time.)
Manager: “Okay. What you have to do is talk to the customers and make them feel really welcome. Get a bit chatty if you can.”
Me: “Okay, no problem. Watch this…”
(A customer drives down to my window to pay for his food.)
Me: “Hey there, how you doing? That will be [price].”
Customer: “Where are you from?”
Me: “England.”
Customer: “Whereabouts in England?”
Me: “Hull.”
Customer: “ME TOO! I’m from *** Road!”
Me: “Sweet, I grew up just round the corner from there! Was it a nightmare having them build the new stadium right on your doorstep?”
Customer: “No way! Yer, was a right pain! Speaking of which, did you see the Tigers play the other night?”
Me: “Nah, I missed it. I was working. I heard the result though, get it!”
Customer: “Let’s see if we come out on top at the end of the season! Anyway, I best go pick up my food. I am sure you have other customers to serve. My name is *** by the way. What’s yours?”
Me: “I’m ***.”
(We shake hands through the window.)
Customer: “Nice to meet you man. I will be sure to see you around.”
Me: “Yeah, have a good day mate!”
(The customer drives to the next window. I turn to look at my manager who has a look of total disbelief.)
Me: “And that’s how you do that.”
Manager: “Yeah, I will leave you to it. I think you got the hang of it!”
Related:
Employee Of The Year
(It’s late at night and only one manager, another employee, and I are working. I’m manning the drive-thru when a car pulls up.)
Customer: *over speaker* “I just came through the drive-thru, and I got a fish sandwich.”
Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”
Customer: “There was a bite in my sandwich!”
Me: “I’m sorry? Please drive around and I’ll see what I can do.”
Customer: *at window* “What you can do, young lady, is get me a new sandwich.”
Me: “Um, sir, nobody here would have taken a bite of your sandwich. Are you sure it didn’t just break off?”
Customer: “NO! Give me a new sandwich! I just tasted this sandwich and it tasted terrible.”
Me: “Wait – you bit the sandwich after you found a bite?”
Customer: “No, you idiot! I bit the sandwich, and I need another one!”
Me: “…”
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