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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    If Life Can’t Give You Lemons…

    , | Monument, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a lemonade.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we do not have lemonade.”

    Customer: “Do you have diet lemonade?”

    Me: “…”

    Ordering Was Not His Calling

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work in a fish and chip takeaway, and have just had a phone order from a lady who ordered fish and chips, as well as a mussel fritter. After hanging up to pin up the order, the manager tells me we are out of mussel fritters, and since it is relatively quiet tells me to phone her back in order to ask whether she wants an alternative. I dial the number I’d written on the order. A man, who I assume is the caller’s husband, picks up the phone.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [Takeaway]. I’m calling about an order you’ve just placed earlier?”

    Customer: “What? Who is this?”

    Me: “This is [Takeaway]. I’m just calling to ask you about an order you placed earlier-“

    Customer: “You’re the takeaway?”

    (I’m worried I may have had the wrong number, but it’s highly unlikely.)

    Me: “Yes. I want to ask you about—”

    Customer: “No, why are you calling? You’re a takeaway, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m calling concerning your order-“

    Customer: “No, listen here. You’re a takeaway. You’re not supposed to be calling me. You don’t call people. I’m supposed to be calling you. Goodbye.”

    (He hangs up. I confirm through the phone system that I had called the right number, as the last two calls through the phone are the same number and matches the one on the order, but I don’t say anything. Later, a man picks up the order, the same one I assume took the call.)

    Me: *being very polite and making it out to be as much my fault as possible* “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise as I took your order, but we’d actually run out of mussel fritters. I tried to call you back but I couldn’t reach you, so we replaced it with a paua fritter. Is that okay?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a paua fritter. I don’t like the taste. Why didn’t you say anything when you took the order?”

    (Cue internal screaming.)

    How To Narrowly Avoid An Argument

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (It is late at night and I have been in the order taker booth in the drive-thru. The lane itself can be narrow at some points and many customers sometimes struggle in navigating it. A customer drives up and I can see that he has trouble navigating the drive-thru lane.)

    Customer: “Your drive-thru is really narrow. You should fix it.”

    Me: *with a weird look* “Well, I didn’t design the bloody thing 30-plus years ago, so why are you telling me?”

    (The customer then remained silent during the rest of the transaction and drove off.)

    Nut A Good Idea

    , | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m working the register at a sandwich shop.)

    Customer: *completely earnest* “I have a question about your cookies. I see here there are some labeled “White Chip Macadamia Nut.” Does that mean there are white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts?”

    Me: “I… uh… yes.”

    Customer: “So then I can’t give them to my son with a nut allergy, right?”

    Me: “That would be a bad idea, yes.”

    Customer: “All right, let me have one of those for me and one chocolate chip for my son.”

    Me: “I don’t think that would be a good idea, ma’am.”

    Customer: *getting irritated* “Well, why not? Do the chocolate chip cookies have nuts in them?”

    Me: “Well, no, but they do come into contact with nuts in several places. Like when we’re baking them, or when we use the same tongs to grab them. Or the display case in front of you where the chocolate chip cookies are touching the macadamia nut cookies…”

    Customer: “Fine, then, I won’t get him any cookies. Just give me my sandwiches and two small drinks.”

    Me: “Uh… I’m afraid I can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? I paid you didn’t I?!”

    Me: “Um… you haven’t ordered a sandwich yet.”

    (Luckily my manager came back from break and we were able to sort everything out before it escalated.)

    Shouldn’t Spit Out Those Words

    , | Bloomington, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (We have posted signs on our doors stating that our lobby would be closing for a manager’s meeting two hours earlier than usual. Three college-age boys come in at about twenty minutes till close, clearly oblivious. My manager is the one to ring up their food, and the following exchange ensues:)

    Manager: “All right, and I have to tell you, our lobby will be closing in about twenty minutes for the managers to have a meeting.”

    Customer: “Wow! What d***s!”

    Manager: “Well, technically I’m a manager, so. . . .”

    (The customer immediately goes white, then red.)

    Customer: “I am SO sorry!!! …Please don’t spit in my food!”

    Manager: “I mean, you can literally watch us make it, so. . .”

    Customer: “I’m sorry!”

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