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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Sweet Holiday Bonus

    , | Singapore | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve just finished junior college, and a couple of friends and I get temp jobs as sales staff manning a small patisserie’s stall at a Christmas food fair. Everything they sell is made by hand by the co-owner’s mother and absolutely delicious. I’m rushing about the stall as usual, on my own. A customer gives me the usual ‘just looking’ brush-off and so I step back to leave them to it when two hands grab me about the arms. I jump and turn; behind me there is a tall, positively Amazonian lady. She’s in yoga pants and a tank top and flip flops, but she is unmistakably well-groomed.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I’d just gotten my nails done and it would have spoiled my pedicure.”

    (I thought I was in for a world of pain; but we both look down and admire her nails for a bit and the conversation turns to the wares. I offer her samples and give my spiel, and we chat while her husband, an older long-haired man just as casually dressed, stands around staring into space, occasionally munching the samples when offered. In the end she leaves with four massive shopping bags filled to the brim with cookies, gift boxes, and various other seasonal confectioneries. It is the largest sale I’ve ever made (not that I get a commission, but I am awed just keying that amount of money into my till as it was more money than I’ve ever seen in one place. They leave as my boss approaches, and they greet each other, chat for a bit, and move off. He comes to me.)

    Boss: “Do you know who they are?”

    Me: “Um… no?”

    Boss: “He owns [Large Business] and she’s the lady boss of [Car Dealership that is the exclusive distributor of a particular luxury car brand]. They’re very impressed with your service. She told me to pay you more.”

    (I’m stunned and it takes a while before it sinks in. On the last day of the fair our boss comes with our paychecks and pulls me aside to give me mine.)

    Boss: “Don’t show the others your pay-slip. You got more than them.”

    Me: “They know I put in more hours and overtime.”

    Boss: “No, your bonus is a higher percentage than theirs and it’s reflected there. [Customer] and [Husband] made sure to remind me, and [Hidden Partner] posed as a customer yesterday and he was really impressed with you, too.”

    (This was seven years ago, but as an awkward and really quite off-kilter seventeen year old, being told that my hard work paid was an insane boost to my self esteem. I still look for the stall every year at that food fair and make sure to say hi and buy something.)

    Crime Has Reached A Tipping Point

    , | YK, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’m at a local fair selling my arts and crafts. One of the things I do is make pins on the spot for people, and I have a sample of each pin design on display on a board. They’re very popular with kids as they’re only $2 each, so there are a few kids at the table. Most are pretty young, but this one was about 10.)

    Older Kid: “Can I have a pin of [design]?”

    Me: “Sure! $2 please!”

    Older Kid: *puts a $5 bill on the table*

    Me: “Okay, just one second. Let me just make it for you!”

    (I make the pin, and then hand it to the kid and pick up the $5.)

    Me: “Here you go, kiddo! Let me just get you your change!”

    Older Kid: “Thanks!” *he looks at the board, then suddenly grabs a display pin and RUNS from the table*

    Husband: *sitting next to me* “… Did he just steal a pin?”

    Me: *holds up the $5 bill* “Looks more like he tipped us!”

    Girls In Love Will Always Be A Mystery

    , | Toronto, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, School

    (I am at a school fund raising fair. At one table they are selling books and they have a category of ‘mystery books’ where the books are wrapped so you can’t see what you were getting until after you had paid your dollar. I am standing beside the table when I hear a voice:)

    Customer: “Oh, jeeze!”

    (Looking over, I saw a teenage boy holding a mystery book that he had just bought and opened. The title of the book was ‘Girls in Love.’)

    Screaming For Ice Cream For Other Reasons

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (It is Dickens Faire this weekend, so we have a constant line for ice cream for a good 6 hours straight on Saturday. By Sunday, we only have 4 flavors left; the unavailable ones are covered with lids. A middle-aged couple comes in and looks at the ice cream.

    Me: “Hi! The only ice cream we have left are the open ones.”

    Husband: “Oh, okay. So just the ones that aren’t covered?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. We had a huge rush of people yesterday and sold out of all but those 4 flavors.”

    Husband: “Hmmm… I’d like Buttered Pecan on a cone, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have any left. We only have the ones that don’t have the lids on them.”

    Husband: “Oh… well, how about Coffee?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. We sold out of coffee as well. The only four flavors we have left are Strawberry, Caramel, Strawberry Cheesecake, and Vanilla.”

    Husband: “Hmmm… well, I’ll take Mint Chocolate Chip then. In a cone.”

    Me: “We don’t have any of that left.”

    Husband: “Well what do you have left then?!”

    Wife: “She’s told you at least three times already. Only the ones that you can actually see the ice cream in are the ones they have.”

    Husband: “But I wanted Buttered Pecan.”

    Wife: “Well, too bad. Pick something else!” *to me* “I’ll have the Strawberry Cheesecake in a cup please dear.”

    Husband: “I want… Cookies and Cream in a cone.”

    Wife: “That’s it. No ice cream for you!”

    Rock Band Makes Real Musicians Fret

    | Puyallup, WA, USA | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m working a game booth at a fair. The prize for the day is electric guitars, sans cables and amp.)

    Young Boy: *comes up to the booth and looks at the prizes* “So, what are these for?”

    Me: “What?”

    Young Boy: “The guitars. Are they for a game or something?”

    Me: “Oh! No, they’re just regular guitars.”

    Young Boy: “Oh…” *walks away*

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