I was at an electronics chain, and a family was trying to replace a television (or maybe a computer monitor).

Family: “It just stopped working!”

The tech did something, and it turned on the backlighting on the screen. You could see a perfect impact pattern of what it looks like when you throw something like a baseball at a screen.

They left without a free replacement.

A customer was looking at a Pioneer Elite Plasma TV. At the time — so long ago! — they were $4,999. It was a big, bad-a** TV for its day

Customer: “I’m interested in this TV, but it’s very expensive.”

Me: “I understand, but it is state-of-the-art with—”

Customer: “I don’t care about any of that. I know you work on commission, so I want you to know that I’ll only buy it if it comes in a woodgrain finish that will match my credenza.”

Me: “I’m afraid it only comes in the color you see here.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand why all electronics are black or grey these days. Anyway, you just lost a sale.”

She left the store — hopefully, to enjoy her credenza.

It is the late 1990s:

Customer: “I want a camera!”

Me: “What kind?”

Customer: “The kind that takes pictures, obviously!”

Me: “As opposed to?”

Customer: “The kind that doesn’t!”

Me: “What kind of camera doesn’t take pictures?”

Customer: “Like… older ones!”

I found out she was trying to describe digital cameras that “show” the picture on the back and comparing them to film cameras.

One day in 1989, a customer comes up to me:

Customer: “Hey! Where are your escalators?”

Me: “Our what?”

Customer: “Your escalators.”

Me: “Sir, this is a one-story store. We don’t have—”

Customer: “Your flyer said you had escalators on sale.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “YOUR ESCALATIN’ FANS. YOUR STAND-UP ESCALATIN’ FANS!”

I politely, quietly show him our oscillating fans… 

Related:
That Escalated Quickly, Part 3
That Escalated Quickly, Part 2
That Escalated Quickly

A guy in his twenties is looking at the original iPad when they’re still kinda new.

Customer: “So, does it have a camera?”

Me: “No, the newer iPad 2’s have cameras, but the original doesn’t.”

Customer: “So, I guess I could just download it or something?”

Related:
It’s Just Not App-ening, Part 3
It’s Just Not App-ening, Part 2
It’s Just Not App-ening