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  • Obviously Infected With Selective Hearingitis

    | Arizona, USA | Language & Words, Technology

    (On an unusually busy day during the slow summer sales period, a customer comes into our department and begins talking to a coworker of mine.)

    Customer: “Hey there! I’m looking for this anti-virus program that my friend told me about. I don’t remember the name, but I know it starts with a ‘k’. Oh, and it sounds Russian! I know I would remember it if I heard i or saw the box!”

    Coworker: “Oh! You must mean Kaspersky! I know it quite well, because it is the only anti-virus that I have used for the last three years.”

    Customer: “No! No, that is definitely not it! You must not know what you’re talking about. I’ll just go find it myself.”

    (I happen to be standing right next to a section nearby that houses only Kaspersky products. The customer looked around a little, and then came up to me.)

    Customer: “Hey there, I talked to one of your friends over there before, and she obviously didn’t know what she was talking about. Ha!”

    (He then repeats the same thing he said to my coworker.)

    Me: “Oh, do you mean Kaspersky?”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s the one! That other girl obviously didn’t have a clue!”

    Related:
    A Nasty Case Of Selective Hearingitis

    Your Weekend Makes My Grief Extend

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Bizarre

    Customer: “So, how are you spending your long weekend?”

    Me: “I’m working here.”

    Customer: “Why would you be here?”

    Me: *confused* “Because I’m working?”

    Customer: “But why?”

    Me: “Um, because I’m scheduled to work.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!” *walks away*

    At Least She Brought Windows Cleaner

    | Oslo, Norway | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

    (A customer has just bought a cellphone. She wants me to show her how to insert the SIM card. I open the cover on the phone and reach for the SIM card when she shouts, startling me.)

    Customer: “No! Don’t touch it!”

    Me: “But I have to put the SIM card in—”

    Customer: “No! You can’t touch it!”

    Me: “I have to touch it to insert the SIM Card into the cellphone.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want you to touch it! It will get viruses on it! I’ve heard it can happen! Just show me how to do it, and I’ll do it myself!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the viruses you’ve heard about are digital programs, and can not be transmitted from a person touching the SIM card. But if you absolutely don’t want me touching it, you may insert the SIM card yourself.”

    Customer: “I don’t want viruses in my cellphone! I’ll do it myself, thank you.”

    (At this point the customer takes out a bottle of window cleaner spray and towel, sprays it on her hands, and dries them off. Then, she very carefully grabs the SIM card on the edges and slides it inside the cellphone.)

    Customer: “See?! No viruses!”

    Me: “Well done, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

    Questionable Questioning, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Can I ask a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Camera. Wrist strap.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Camera. Wrist strap.”

    Me: *trying to guess* “Um, do cameras come with wrist straps?”

    Customer: “No! Do you sell them separately?!”

    Related:
    Questionable Questioning

    Take Back That Rollback

    | UK | Crazy Requests

    (It’s promotion changeover day, so I’m making my way around the store removing all of the old price tickets that need to be changed and replacing them with new ones. Some of them have lower prices on.)

    Customer: “How dare you?!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “How dare you lower these prices? You’re taking money away from this business! Get me your manager, please!”

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