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  • Too Much Information For Too Little Intelligence

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “I saw a paper shredder on your website saying it’s 50 bucks off for your Black Friday sale. Is that true?”

    Me: “Probably… let’s check the flyer.”

    (I look, but can’t see it in the flyer anywhere.)

    Me: “Was it possibly an online-only sale that you saw?”

    Customer: “No, it said online and in store, Friday only!”

    Me: “Okay, let me check the website, then. I don’t see it in the flyer for some reason.”

    (I look it up and see that it is in fact advertised on our website, from Friday-Tuesday.)

    Me: “I’m not sure why it wasn’t in our flyer, but yes, there is a paper shredder for 50 dollars off for the Black Friday sale. The sale starts on Friday, but for this item, it will still be on sale until Tuesday. I would still come in on Friday though, just in case, because they might sell out on the first day.”

    Customer: “Ugh! Is it on sale on Friday, or not!?”

    Me: “Umm, yes. It goes on sale on Friday and stays on sale until Tuesday.”

    Customer: “So, it’s on sale on Friday?”

    Me: “…Yes.”

    Does Not Com-Poo-te

    | TX, USA | Technology

    (I work at a computer repair store.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my laptop won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Okay, let me check it out for a few minutes and see if I can’t figure out what’s going on.”

    (I proceed to run my typical quick diagnostics when a computer won’t turn on. I try a different AC adapter, hold down the power for 30 seconds, etc. but nothing seems to work.)

    Me: “Well, sir, it looks like it’s still not wanting to work, but I can send it out for a fee. What happened to it?”

    Customer: “Well, my toilet exploded on it.”

    Me: “…Excuse me… what?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my toilet exploded on it.”

    Me: “Yeah, unfortunately we can’t fix that, but we have a bunch of new laptops you can look at.”

    (I then proceeded to scrub myself all the way up to my elbows in the bathroom, appalled that he didn’t tell me that until AFTER I had handled it!)

    Apps Never Have An Off Day

    | HI, USA | Technology

    (I am helping a customer become familiar with his new product by showing him how to turn it on and off.)

    Me: “If you press and hold the button on the top right hand corner of the device, you’ll see an icon on the screen that you can slide to turn it off.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought they would have an app for that.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “They have apps for everything else, so why not for turning it off? That seems silly.”

    Me: “Well, how would you turn it back on if it’s off and you can’t use the screen to get apps?”

    Customer: “Oh… well, I thought it was clever!”

    Burn The Other Cheek

    | Valley Stream, NY, USA | Religion, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Good morning, sir. Would you like to purchase our protection plan on this?”

    Customer #1: *very thick Jamaican accent* “Nah, your coworker explained that. I don’t want it.”

    Me: “Alright, sir.”

    (I proceed to remove the anti-theft device and scan the GPS.)

    Customer #1: “Does this…”

    (The rest of the question is so garbled by his accent that I can not make it out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir… could you repeat that?”

    (My coworker, who by chance is also from Jamaica, jumps in and answers the customer’s question. After about 30 seconds of discussion between the two, it’s clear the customer still has some unresolved questions, and since I am the only register open a line has been forming. I interrupt their conversation briefly.)

    Me: “Excuse me, I’m just going to suspend this transaction so I can take the next customer. As soon as you’re ready, I’ll finish up for you.”

    Customer #1: “Okay.” *continues asking my coworker questions*

    Me: *calling out* “Next, please!”

    Customer #1: “YOU BIGOT!”

    (Suddenly, Customer #1 throws the GPS at me, hard enough to crack the plastic clamshell case it’s in and giving me a small cut on my arm. He then storms out of the store. My coworker and I look at each other, confused, as the next customer, Customer #2, walks up to my register. Customer #2 is a middle-aged woman with a similar Jamaican accent. She is wearing a church t-shirt.)

    Customer #2: “That man was so rude to you for no reason.”

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I really have no idea why he called me a bigot.”

    Customer #2: “A good Christian should be kind. People like that should just die and rot in H***!”

    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 9

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store name and location]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering what time you closed? I need to bring in my computer monitor and exchange it for a new one.”

    Me: “We close at nine. If you don’t mind my asking, why do you need to exchange yours, ma’am? I may be able to help and save you the trip.”

    Customer: “Well, I saw that you all sold those wireless monitors and was going to get one but they’re so expensive. So I just decided to make mine a wireless one instead. But I guess I must have done it wrong because now it won’t work.”

    Me: “You… tried to make your monitor into a wireless one? How?”

    Customer: “Oh, I just cut the cord that was dangling out of it. Like I said, I must have cut it wrong though. So I need a new one.”

    Me: “I… see. Well, um, ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, but, well, I can’t just give you a new monitor because you destroyed your old one.”

    Customer: “Really? Well. We’ll just see about that, won’t we? I’m going to come in and speak to your manager. Then we’ll see who does what for whom!”

    (She came in with her self-destroyed monitor, and no, she didn’t get a new one!)

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 8
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 7
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 5
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless

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