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    Acting Like A Print-cess

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes in pulling a suitcase on wheels.)

    Customer: “My daughter told me that if I bring in my old computer and my printer, I can trade my computer for an iPad, and you’ll set it up with my printer.”

    Me: “Well, we don’t do trade-ins here, but I can show you how to get the paperwork started online.”

    Customer: “No, no, no, never mind. Just let me buy the iPad, and set up this f****** printer.”

    Me: “Alright, so, just to let you know, we don’t sell this printer here. None of us are going to be trained on it, but I’ll be happy to take a look, and see if we can get it up and running for you.”

    Customer: “No! F*** that, I have lost my patience! I am a member of Mensa! Get me someone intelligent to talk to!”

    Me: “I can get you someone else, but I can tell you, no one else is going to be trained on that printer either. Like I said, I can definitely give it a shot; we may be able to figure it out.”

    Customer: “My daughter is an engineer. She told me you would take this piece of s*** laptop, and help me set the printer up.”

    Me: “And I’m definitely going to do my best to set up the printer, but we don’t have the proper equipment here to recycle your old machine; I’m sorry.”

    (The customer finally agrees. After half an hour, we have the printer up and running with her new iPad. She calms considerably. As she is leaving, she is on the phone to her daughter.)

    Customer: “They got my printer working! And I only used the f-word once!”

    Kicking Off Over A Kicking Off

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I am cashing out a couple who is buying a laptop and some anti-virus software. We have a deal; if you purchase a computer, your anti-virus will be free for six months or $20 for one year. One of the store managers is coaching me.)

    Me: “So, would you like six months of free anti-virus or one year for $20?”

    Customer: “The guy back there told us it was $17!”

    Manager: “No, it is actually $20.”

    Customer: “SO HE LIED?!”

    Manager: “Seems like he did.”

    Customer: “I’M GOING TO GO BACK THERE AND KICK HIS A**!”

    Manager: “Go ahead.”

    (The customer, her husband, and I are all taken aback.)

    Customer: “…Really?”

    Manager: “Actually, let me go get him.”

    (My manager leaves my register, and heads to our computer department. The customer’s wife is now laughing while the husband starts to sweat.)

    Customer: “Is he coming back? I was just joking! I still want the one year. I’m sorry! I was just joking!”

    (The couple quickly pays and leaves before the manager comes back to my register.)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17

    | Reston, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to get a refund for an item I purchased from your online store.”

    Me: “Sure, I can help with that. Just let me see the item so I can pull it up in our system.”

    Customer: “Well, the item hasn’t arrived yet. It’s still being delivered.”

    Me: “Oh, we won’t be able to issue a refund unless you actually give us something to refund. When the item arrives, bring it back here and we can give you your money back, no problem!”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t give me a freaking refund! This is unacceptable! I bought the item, and you d*** well better give me my money back!”

    Me: “Sir, I understand that you’d like to get your money refunded. Without giving us your item back, it’s like we’re just giving it to you. We can’t give you the money today, only to have you return here a few days later to give us the item back!”

    Customer: “Well, why would I need to return here? I would have already gotten my money back by then!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Refund Isn’t In The (Memory) Cards

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (A customer comes in trying to return a camera with no receipt. After I tell her I will not be doing the refund, she demands a manager.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Your store ruined my daughter’s graduation! This camera that your employees sold me wouldn’t work! I couldn’t take any pictures!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but without a receipt we can’t refund this.”

    Customer: “You are going to refund this! And the memory card too!”

    Me: “Okay, tell you what: why don’t I just try to fix your camera for you? Then we’ll go from there.”

    (The customer scoffs and shoves her camera at me.)

    Customer: “Yeah, sure, go ahead and try. I’m telling you, you sold me a defective camera.”

    (I turn the camera on. It works fine. I try to take a picture; it says it doesn’t have enough memory. I open the battery compartment to inspect the card and immediately see the problem.)

    Me: “This isn’t a memory card.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?! Your employees picked this card and sold it to me!”

    Me: “This is an adapter, which is fine. The memory card needs to be inside of the adapter as well. Do you have something that looks like it would fit in this?”

    Customer: “Oh, that little thing? I threw that away.”

    (She grabs her camera and slinks away.)

    Not Dropping The Charges

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes in to return a totally shattered phone.)

    Customer: “It’s really cold outside and I was using it and pop!”

    Me: “This looks like it was dropped.”

    Customer: “I didn’t drop it; it just cracked!”

    Me: “That’s not possible.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager.”

    Me: “That won’t be necessary.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “That won’t be necessary. Just like me, he is not going to want his intelligence questioned by someone who claims he just saw the laws of physics being broken, at the hands of an irresponsible user.”

    Customer: “…fine. I might have dropped it on the ice.”

    Me: “Now we’re getting somewhere.”


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