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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Dirty Minds

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (Customer calls requesting a cable.)

    Customer: “Hi. I am trying to connect my iPod to my stereo.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a receiver, a small shelf system, or a boombox?”

    Customer: “It’s a smaller stereo.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a small plug that looks like a headphone plug that is labeled AUX, Audio IN, or anything of the sort?”

    Customer: “Yes, there is a small round plug that says AUX.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s easy. All you need is a 3.5mm male-to-male RCA cable.”

    Customer: “Male-to-male as in boy-to-boy.”

    Me, knowing what is coming next and not caring: “Yes, it is just referring to whether it is a plug or a receptor of a plug.”

    Customer: “Well, you are just disgusting!”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am, that is just an industry standard term.”

    Customer: “That is just one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard!”

    Me: “Sounds good.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Y, Will, Y Will, Rock U!

    , | Unknown Location |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I wanna know if you have any Y’s (pronounced “why”) in stock?”

    Me: “Y’s? I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “The Y’s! You know, the Y’s!”

    Me: “You mean the Wii?”

    Customer: “Yea, whatever.”

    Because Everything On The Internets Is Private

    , | Stroudsburg, PA, USA | Top

    (On Black Friday…when EVERYTHING is on sale.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Me: “Hey, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to know what’s on sale today.”

    Me: “Well, it depends on what system. You see, the DS only has three games on sale, while the XBOX has about 10. Not to mention, almost every console is running some sort of deal.”

    Customer: “No, I meant the secret sales.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The stuff in the catalog.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s all posted.”

    Customer, suddenly angry: “It better not be!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “Because I looked online for those sales.”

    Me: “What’s your point?”

    Customer: “Because I wouldn’t have done that if I’d known it was public!”

    Me: “The point of a sale is to make it public.”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER YOU A**HOLE!”

    That’s Nothing A Little Duct Tape Can’t Fix

    , , | Unknown Location |

    Customer: “I want a computer where I can type in Russian and it will print in English.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we don’t have Russian keyboards.”

    Customer: “No, that’s fine. I’ll just tape Russian letters on.”

    Me: “Sir, it will still be an English keyboard.”

    Customer: “Okay, so what if I glue the letters on?”

    Me: *thunk thunk thunk* “Still English.”

    Four Words: Bow, Chicka, Bow and Bow

    , | USA | Top

    (Working as a manager for a retail electronics business, I have a customer come in with a DVD player in a box, opened)

    Customer: “This DVD player doesn’t work. It won’t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?”

    Me: “Well, lets see if we can get it to work.”

    (I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)

    Me: “Oh, here’s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.”

    (I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)

    Customer: “Oh great! I knew something wasn’t quite ri…”

    (Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting ‘Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!’ and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I have ever moved, because by the time the first customer turned around to see what was going on, I had the AV cables yanked)

    Customer: “Uh… That’s where that went! Heh…” *VERY sheepish look*

    Me: “Okay, all fixed. Need me to help put this back in the box for you?”

    Customer: “No, thanks. I can do it. Thank you for all your help.”

    (I guess I wasn’t quick enough or just the sheer recognition of the music line, because I had two customers laughing very hard and one old lady who walked out very fast)

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