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    That’s Nothing A Little Duct Tape Can’t Fix

    , , | Unknown Location |

    Customer: “I want a computer where I can type in Russian and it will print in English.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we don’t have Russian keyboards.”

    Customer: “No, that’s fine. I’ll just tape Russian letters on.”

    Me: “Sir, it will still be an English keyboard.”

    Customer: “Okay, so what if I glue the letters on?”

    Me: *thunk thunk thunk* “Still English.”

    Four Words: Bow, Chicka, Bow and Bow

    , | USA | Top

    (Working as a manager for a retail electronics business, I have a customer come in with a DVD player in a box, opened)

    Customer: “This DVD player doesn’t work. It won’t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?”

    Me: “Well, lets see if we can get it to work.”

    (I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)

    Me: “Oh, here’s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.”

    (I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)

    Customer: “Oh great! I knew something wasn’t quite ri…”

    (Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting ‘Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!’ and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I have ever moved, because by the time the first customer turned around to see what was going on, I had the AV cables yanked)

    Customer: “Uh… That’s where that went! Heh…” *VERY sheepish look*

    Me: “Okay, all fixed. Need me to help put this back in the box for you?”

    Customer: “No, thanks. I can do it. Thank you for all your help.”

    (I guess I wasn’t quick enough or just the sheer recognition of the music line, because I had two customers laughing very hard and one old lady who walked out very fast)

    I Think She Wants A Discount

    , | Toronto, Canada | Top

    Trainee: “Hey, this woman would like to buy an iPod Touch. But she’s asking for a discount.”

    Me, to the lady customer: “Hi, so you’re interested in an iPod Touch?”

    Customer: “Discount?”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t offer anything below our tagged price. It already has a guaranteed low price.”

    Customer: “Discount?”

    Me: “If you’re worried about money, you can choose to apply for a *** card (store’s credit card). With it you can buy this iPod Touch and have three months to pay interest-free.”

    Customer: “Okay, so I get a card and get a discount?”

    Me: “No, but you have three months to pay.”

    Customer: “What’s the price in three months?”

    Me: “It’s the same price as now.”

    Customer: “Okay. What’s the price after the three months?”

    Me: “It is the exact same price as you see here now. But with the card you get three months to pay for it.”

    Customer: “Discount?”

    Me: “Okay, let’s ring this up for you.”

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