A customer comes up to the tech support counter.

Customer: “My brand-new laptop won’t turn on!”

I do what I normally do when someone tells me this, which is press the power button. Sure enough, the laptop turns on without a problem.

Customer: *Excitedly* “What did you do?”

Me: “I just used the power button.”

Customer: *Sheepishly* “Oh, I was pressing ‘Enter’ ‘cause, you know, I wanted to enter into the computer.”

I am in the printer section and find a customer looking confused.

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

He points at a printer/scanner.

Customer: “Yeah, where do I put the toast?”

I directed him to home appliances while he spoke about how his wife had sent him out for a new toaster and he wanted to make sure it was nice.

A couple walks in. The man is looking rather sheepish.

Male Customer: “I need to buy her a new iPhone.”

Female Customer: “And tell the nice man why.”

Male Customer: “I saw pics of a guy and got jealous and broke the phone.”

Female Customer: “And who was this guy?”

Male Customer: “It was me.”

Female Customer: “And why did you not recognize yourself?”

Male Customer: “Because it was me when I used to be skinny.”

He got her a top-of-the-line smartphone!

A young college-age woman comes in to complain.

Customer: “My new air card is wrong!”

For those who don’t know, an air card was a little thing for your computer that hooked you up to the Internet using a phone company network. You had to sign a contract, and they were limited to a certain amount of data per month — usually like 1GB or 2GB or something low like that. It was essentially for businesspeople to be able to check stuff on the go, not really meant to be your full-time Internet connection.

This customer didn’t realize that and thought she was smart for purchasing a $20-a-month air card to use for Internet instead of buying a whole package for TV, Internet, and phone for $100 per month.

She had been running all her Internet through this air card for a month and a half when the bill came. This included streaming, uploading photos and videos to FB, watching TV on the computer, and even downloading movies and such.

Thanks to the ridiculous overage rates, she received a bill just north of $2,000.

Customer: “You ripped me off! You’re scamming me!”

I showed her the contract including the BIG, BOLD LETTERS that specifically stated the amount given each month and overage rates, and I showed her where she had signed underneath it. She then broke down crying so we had to call [Cell Phone Company] for her, and they eventually halved the bill but wouldn’t do any more.

I’m working in an electronics store. A particularly nice elderly gentleman walks straight toward me and asks:

Customer: “Where can I find the liquid Internet?”

My smile melts halfway through my greeting and I just stare. The look on my face must be the greatest mixture of amazement and confusion, as he goes on:

Customer: “The liquid Internet that I saw advertised on TV.”

Being the usual online person, I hardly watch actual television, so not having seen this advert nor knowing exactly what he is talking about, I excuse myself under the pretense of asking a fellow “Computer Specialist”.

Quickly finding a friend with the most heinous expression of amusement on my face, I grab him and ask him about this “liquid Internet”.

Coworker: *After regaining his composure* “Please take me to this customer.”

I do so and ask him to repeat the question.

Coworker: “Sir, the advertised product is not ‘liquid Internet’, but the company has used the visual of liquid going through the wiring as symbolism for how fast their Internet can be.”

The customer looks quite confused for a moment and then catches on to how he has mistaken the ad, but something changes: he suddenly turns bright red at his oversight.

Customer: “No! I’ve seen it on TV! I want the liquid for myself, but you don’t want to sell it to me because I’m old!”

My coworker once again tells him that the liquid is fabricated, but he refuses to believe him. We go as far as to get two [Tech Team] employees to talk to him, show him the ad, and tell him why it’s not real. Even after a manager shows up, he does not accept this radical idea and angrily states:

Customer: “I will shop at [Competitor]!” *Storms off*

Manager: “Should we warn them?”