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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Shoulda Filled It With Apples

    , | Tampa, FL, USA | Top

    Customer: “I want to return this computer.”

    Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Where is it?”

    (The customer puts a badly damaged computer box on the counter. I open the box and find that it’s filled with oranges.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I’m unable to accept this for return.”

    Customer: “When I opened the box, it was filled with oranges! I want my money back.”

    Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands me a hand written receipt from a generic receipt book.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, this is not a store receipt. I’m unable to accept this.”

    Customer: “The guy I bought it from said he got it here for $99 dollars and if I didn’t like it, I could return it here. I want my money back, I got ripped off!”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize that you gave this guy your money, but it seems he gave you a box of oranges and a fake receipt. I’m unable to help you…”

    (At this point customer gets very loud and starts throwing oranges around the store. Someone calls the police and he is eventually arrested. To this day, I’m unsure if I should laugh or feel sorry for the guy.)

    Golly Gee, I’m So Smrt

    , | Cleveland, OH, USA |

    Me: *notices woman walking into store* “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I see you have two DVDs for 10 dollars.”

    Me: “Actually ma’am, that sale ended yesterday.”

    Customer: “Well, I have to buy some for my son for Christmas, so maybe you can be a doll and ring them up for me for that price.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because that sale ended yesterday.”

    Customer: “What difference is it to you the price you sell these DVD’s at?!”

    Me: “My job…”

    Customer: “How about it I give you $5.00?”

    Me: “…sure.”

    (I go and ring up the two DVDs, and take the woman’s money. With the five dollars she gave me, this adds up to the normal retail price so she’s saved nothing.)

    Me: “Have a happy holiday, ma’am.”

    Customer: *winks at me*

    Dirty Minds

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (Customer calls requesting a cable.)

    Customer: “Hi. I am trying to connect my iPod to my stereo.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a receiver, a small shelf system, or a boombox?”

    Customer: “It’s a smaller stereo.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a small plug that looks like a headphone plug that is labeled AUX, Audio IN, or anything of the sort?”

    Customer: “Yes, there is a small round plug that says AUX.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s easy. All you need is a 3.5mm male-to-male RCA cable.”

    Customer: “Male-to-male as in boy-to-boy.”

    Me, knowing what is coming next and not caring: “Yes, it is just referring to whether it is a plug or a receptor of a plug.”

    Customer: “Well, you are just disgusting!”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am, that is just an industry standard term.”

    Customer: “That is just one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard!”

    Me: “Sounds good.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Y, Will, Y Will, Rock U!

    , | Unknown Location |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I wanna know if you have any Y’s (pronounced “why”) in stock?”

    Me: “Y’s? I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “The Y’s! You know, the Y’s!”

    Me: “You mean the Wii?”

    Customer: “Yea, whatever.”

    Because Everything On The Internets Is Private

    , | Stroudsburg, PA, USA | Top

    (On Black Friday…when EVERYTHING is on sale.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Me: “Hey, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to know what’s on sale today.”

    Me: “Well, it depends on what system. You see, the DS only has three games on sale, while the XBOX has about 10. Not to mention, almost every console is running some sort of deal.”

    Customer: “No, I meant the secret sales.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The stuff in the catalog.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s all posted.”

    Customer, suddenly angry: “It better not be!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “Because I looked online for those sales.”

    Me: “What’s your point?”

    Customer: “Because I wouldn’t have done that if I’d known it was public!”

    Me: “The point of a sale is to make it public.”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER YOU A**HOLE!”


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