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    A Swing And A Miss

    , | Saskatchewan, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Electronics, please.”

    Me: “We’re an electronics store, ma’am. Could you be more specific?”

    Caller: “Umm…just one moment.”

    (She hangs up. Five minutes later, she calls back.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Electronics DEPARTMENT, please.”

    Me: “…”

    Geography, My Arch Nemesis, We Meet Again…

    , | San Jose, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** at Santana Row. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Your stores are having midnight releases for ‘World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King’, right?”

    Me: “Yes, certain locations are going to be open, but our store–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “It’s already midnight in the East coast – you can’t you sell them now?”

    Me: “Uhh… unfortunately not.”

    Customer: “BUT WHY?! IT’S MIDNIGHT IN THE EAST COAST!”

    Me: “Well, it’s not midnight here, so, NO, we can’t sell it.”

    Customer: “But people will be leveling up before me!! AGHHH! This is bulls***!”

    Me: “Either way, our location isn’t going to be open for the midnight release. The closest location that will be open for the midnight release is 45 minutes away.”

    Customer: “So if I go there, they should be selling them?!”

    Me: “Probably not. They’re still on Pacific Standard Time.”

    Customer: “What should I do then?! Everyone on the East coast will have a head start!”

    Me: “Maybe you should move to the East Coast.”

    Customer: “What time are you closing?”

    Me: “10:00 pm.”

    Customer: “I’m coming right now!”

    Me: “Ok…?”

    This…Is…Spyware!

    , | Texas, USA | Technology, Top

    Customer: “Hi, my son says that I have spartans on my laptop and I should bring it to you guys.”

    Me: “…Ma’am? Spartans?”

    Customer: “Yes, I called my son at school and told him that screens keep popping up all the time, and he said that I have spartans.”

    Me: “Oh! You mean trojans! That’s a possibility; let me run this analyzer on your laptop real quick and we’ll see what’s going on.”

    Customer: “Young man, my son is in college and he says it has spartans. You just stand here in a little uniform and make minimum wage. I think my son knows what he is talking about.”

    Me: “You’re right ma’am. I was hoping to run a diagnostic and find out that it wasn’t spartans, but just by looking at the login screen, I can tell that you probably have about 300 of the little guys running around.”

    Customer: “300?! Is that bad?”

    Me: “It’s horrible. They cram themselves into a bottleneck and kill wave after wave of data, until there is a wall of dead programs blocking any more traffic through your computer.”

    Customer: “Oh, that just figures. I’m going to go buy a new computer.”

    Me: “Ok, ma’am, I think that would be best.”

    It’s Pr0ning LOLcats And Blogs

    , | Ohio, USA |

    (I was teaching a 60 year-old or so guy how to use the internet.)

    Customer: “So… I can search for… ANYTHING?”

    Me: “Anything.”

    Customer: “And this will just find it for me?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    (We search for a baseball score, find it, and go back to Google. He clicks on the search bar again and “baseball scores” comes up.)

    Customer: “Oh, it keeps a list?”

    Me: “Yeah, so it’s easier to find the stuff you like next time.”

    Customer: *disheartened* “Can I get rid of that? You know, like if I… you know… buy my wife a present or something and don’t want her to know about it?”

    Me: “Yeah, just click on ‘Reset Safari’ and it will delete any evidence of what you searched.”

    (The guy is clearly dumbfounded at the world of opportunities now available to him.)

    Customer: “You just saved my marriage.”

    (Enjoy your porn, Gary.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Renamed: The iPod Please Touch The Frigging Screen

    , | Toronto, Canada |

    Customer: “Hello, I just bought this iPod, and I can’t make it go.”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “It won’t go.”

    Me: “Okay, how exactly?”

    Customer: “IT WON’T GO.”

    Me: “Can I see your iPod?”

    (The customer takes out iPod Touch and shows it to me. I turn it on and open up Safari.)

    Me: “It seems to be working fine.”

    (I hand it back to her. She presses the home button multiple times.)

    Customer: “How did you do that? It’s not working.”

    Me: “Ma’am, what kind of iPod is that?”

    Customer: “iPod Touch.”

    Me: “Yeah… so try touching one of the icons on the screen.”

    (She does.)

    Customer: “OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO COOL! YOU’RE A GENIUS!”

    Me: “Yeah, well.”

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