Not So Smart-Phone

| Merrimack, NH, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for a cable to hook my [brand] cell phone up to the computer. The plug looks like this.” *the customer shows me the broken end of a cable*

Me: “This doesn’t look like the plug for any [brand] phone I’ve ever seen. May I see the phone?”

(The customer hands me his phone, which is a bulky, inelegant phone/camera/portable TV and very obviously not a [brand].)

Me: “Sir, who told you this phone was a [brand]?”

Customer: “Some guy in Boston I bought it from. See, right there is the logo.”

(The customer points to a logo on the phone that looks exactly like the logo for one of [brand]’s famous product lines, but it is slightly modified so that one of the letters is different.)

Me: “Well, I think I see the problem. This is definitely not a [brand]; it’s a cheap Chinese knock-off, and that logo has one of the letters changed. See?”

Customer: “Let’s look at the manual. I’ve got it here.”

(The customer begins thumbing through what looks like a photocopied manual full of tiny text written in bad English.)

Customer: “You’d think the guys at [brand] would be able to write clearer instructions.”

Me: “Sir, I really recommend that you bring that item back if you can.”

Customer: “No way, I bought this because it’s a phone that doesn’t need the web. All they have these days are smart phones that go on the web. But I’m not smart.”

Me: “Did the guy in Boston tell you that?”

Related:
Not So Smart-Card

When Grave Concerns Are Warranted

| Canada | Technology, Top

(After talking to an elderly customer about a computer and all its benefits, I try to talk to him about our in-store warranty.)

Me: “So are you interested in purchasing this computer and having it protected for three years through us?”

Customer: “I would be dead by then.”

Me: “Then it would be a lifetime warranty.”

Customer: *laughs*

May Also Cancel Brain Waves

| St. Cloud, MN, USA | Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

(I am helping a customer looking at headphones. He reads one of the tags out loud.)

Customer: “Black noise canceling headphones. There’s such a thing as black noise?”

Me: “Sir, those are the color of the headphones.”

Customer: “Oh, because I’ve heard of that white noise, are you sure it doesn’t just cancel the black noise?”

Funds Are Not The Only Thing Lacking Here

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

Me: “So, your total comes to $47.63.”

(The customer swipes their card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it seems your card was declined.”

Customer: “Declined? Why?”

Me: “It says here because of ‘insufficient funds’.”

Customer: “But what does that even mean?”

Cooking In High Definition

| Adelaide, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “I will take one of these.” *points to a small white microwave oven*

Me: “Certainly, sir. Come right this way.”

(The customer goes to the checkout counter and pays for goods.)

Customer: “So, will I need an antenna for this?”

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