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    Wired For The Stone Age

    , | San Luis Obispo, CA, USA | Top

    (I walk up to an older man playing with an iPhone in our electronics store.)

    Me: “Hello sir, do you need any help?”

    Customer: “Naw, but I was wondering…why does this darn thing work with my finger, but not my fingernails?”

    Me: “Well, your body has electricity running through it, but your fingernails don’t conduct–”

    Customer: “Electricity in my body? My body?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. We all have electricity running through our bodies.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! D*** technology! We didn’t have that s*** prancin’ around our bodies in back in my day!”

    Me: “Sir, we’ve always–”

    Customer: “Forget it! What’s the d*** world coming to?” *walks away mumbling*

    That’s One Giant Jump To Conclusions For Mankind

    | Oregon, USA |

    (At our electronics store, we had a stand with a WALL-E cut-out that talked when someone walked by it.)

    Movie Display: “Oooooooooh.”

    Customer: “What the–sir, SIR!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “That robot just moo’d at me.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “That robot over there, he’s made fun of me because I’m fat by saying ‘MOOOOOOO’.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it did not moo at you. It said ‘oooooh’. It has a sensor there for when people walk by it, making one of five pre-recorded sounds.”

    Customer: *infuriated* “No! It moo’d at me! You two are covering for each other to make fun of my appearance!”

    Double The 60Hz, Double The Fun

    , | Panama City, FL, USA | Top

    (I notice an elderly couple in my department, browsing TVs.)

    Me: “Welcome to [electronics store]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Husband: “Yes, we’re looking for a 46″ TV, but we aren’t sure what kind we need. Can you help us?”

    Me: “Certainly. First off, what will you mostly be watching? Sports, movies, video games?”

    Husband: “Mostly porn.”

    Wife: “Oh, don’t tell him that!”

    Me: “Well, then I suppose we’ll be needing an LCD with motion processing.”

    Wife: “Why’s that?”

    Me: “Well, we wouldn’t want it to blur during the good parts…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Two For The Price Of Dumb

    | Grand Junction, CO, USA |

    Customer: “I saw this same cord at [competitor] for $15. Why is it $20 here?”

    Me: “I don’t know, maybe they’re having a sale? I don’t set the prices.”

    Customer: “Well, will you price match?”

    Me: “If you can provide documentation, sure, I’ll do it.”

    Customer: “So if I bring in the receipt that shows $15 at [competitor], I can get it here for $15?”

    Me: “…so you want to go to [competitor], buy it for $15, and then come here to buy it again so that we can match their price?”

    Customer: “Yes. Will you match that?”

    Me: “Sure, why not?”

    The Secret Lives Of Customers

    , | California, USA |

    (I am helping a customer upgrade his cell phone, which was broken for some reason. I open the phone and set it on the counter.)

    Customer: “Gosh, I don’t know why it doesn’t–hey! It looks wet in there!”

    Me: “Oh? Well, it does, but the indicator says it’s not water, or at least it didn’t do any damage to the hardware.”

    (The customer picks up his phone, sniffs at it, touches the liquid and TASTES it.)

    Customer: “Oh! OH! The butter!”

    Me: “…sir…can I ask…how did you–”

    Customer: “You know, I’d rather not explain that one.”

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