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    Going From Positive To Negative

    , | Singapore | Top

    (This happens after I help an old lady with a home theater system for over an hour and a half, explaining every little detail and giving her a demo.)

    Customer: “Thank you very much, young lady. I’m sorry for taking too much of your time.”

    Me: “You’re welcome. No worries. It’s my pleasure to help you.”

    Customer: “I know some of my questions are stupid, but you are very patient.”

    Me: “Not a problem at all. Some of these things can be very confusing, even for myself, and I work here!”

    Customer: “I should give a compliment letter about you.”

    Me: “Wow, thanks very much. You can do that at the cashier. Oh, by the way–the remote control doesn’t have any batteries. Should we go get them now? It will save you a trip.”

    Customer: “That’s a great idea!”

    (We proceed to go to the battery section of the store.)

    Me: “So, here we are, you need two AAs.”

    Customer: “Do you have the [brand] ones?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry. I think we just ran out. We have other brands though. Would you like to try?”

    Customer: “You and your f***ing store! I’ve never received such terrible service! This is the reason why people don’t go back here! I will have you fired! You will never work again!”

    Me: *speechless*

    So Good It’s Not Even There, Part 2

    | Essex, UK | Technology

    Customer: “I need a printer cable.”

    Me: “Just a regular power cable?”

    Customer: “No, not one of those. One to go from my printer to my laptop.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a USB cable?”

    Customer: “Yeah, a USB cable, that’s it. That is wireless, yeah?”

    Related:
    So Good It’s Not Even There

    The Birds, The Bees, And The Brutally Honest

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A little boy is wandering around unattended, touching all the TVs.)

    Me: “Where’s your mom or dad?”

    Boy: “Well, my mom’s over there.” *points to mother*

    Me: “Okay, why don’t you go over to her?”

    Boy: “Yeah, sure. By the way, I don’t know who my dad is. My mom was a hooker.”

    GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2

    , | IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, here’s the thing. My husband and I are coming to you to return our GPS. It’s broken.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. So what is the problem?”

    Customer: “We weren’t sure where you are located, so we plugged the address into our GPS, and now we’re lost.”

    Me: ”Was this the same GPS that you were coming to return?!”

    Customer: “Yes, but we figured since we brought it to you, it would at least know how to find you.”

    Related:
    GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

    When A Computer Is Not A Computer

    | North Miami, FL, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I came into the store a few hours ago and bought a computer, but I think something is wrong with it.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Caller: “Well, it seems to turn on. The little light goes on and everything, but nothing comes up except ‘no signal’.”

    Me: “Is this a desktop computer, or a notebook?”

    Caller: “It’s one of the big screen ones. Not a laptop.”

    Me: “Alright, it’s a desktop. Are you positive you followed all the directions in the manual and connected everything properly?”

    Caller: “Huh? Why would I need to use the manual? It was pretty simple.”

    Me: “Well, just to be sure, could you please check the manual and make sure everything is plugged in properly?”

    Caller: “Well, there is one cord sitting there but I figured that it was the internet cable. We don’t have internet yet.”

    Me: “Is the cord coming out of the monitor or the tower?”

    Caller: “It’s not plugged into anything. The only thing I have plugged in is the computer into the wall.”

    Me: “What about the monitor?”

    Caller: “The what?”

    Me: “The monitor, as in, the screen.”

    Caller: “Right, the computer. Like I said, it’s plugged into the wall.”

    Me: “Sir, let me get this straight. You have the screen plugged into the wall and nothing else?

    Caller: “Right.”

    Me: “And you didn’t buy anything else, right?”

    Caller: “Right.”

    Me: “Sir, you just bought the monitor. That isn’t the computer. That’s just the screen.”

    Caller: “What are you talking about? Of course this is the computer! I’ve seen a whole bunch of computers before and they look just like this!”

    Me: “Did all those computer have a big piece of machinery sitting near them?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I guess. Why?

    Me: “That would be the computer.”

    Caller: “You’re joking, right?”

    Me: “Nope. Sorry, sir.”

    Caller: “Well d***. How much more does the rest cost?”

    Me: “It depends how powerful you want it to be. You could get a low-end computer for about $300 to $400.”

    Caller: “But, I already spent $150 on this thing!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. But if you want a computer you’ll, uh, need to buy the computer.”

    Caller: “To h*** with all this! I’m not spending that kind of money! I’m never buying a computer again!”

    Me: “Well, sir. You didn’t buy one in the first place.”

    Caller: *click*

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