Customer: “I can’t get the microphone on my laptop to work. Do you think you could help?”
Me: “What were you trying to do with it?”
Customer: “I can’t get it to hear what I’m saying.”
Me: “That’s pretty common. The settings are probably a little off. Let me take a look.”
(I boot the computer. After switching a few settings, I get the microphone to work.)
Me: “There, you should be all set. The settings were just wrong. You should be fine now.”
(I clap into the microphone so she can see the sound bars going up and down. She thinks I am clapping in celebration of her now fixed computer. She begins to clap rapidly along with me.)
Customer: *clapping* “Yay! This is the best day ever!”
(A little old lady approaches the counter.)
Little old lady: “Do you carry flamethrowers?
(I witness this exchange between a customer and my manager.)
Manager: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave your backpack at the counter.”
Customer: “Don’t worry about it. My policy is not to shoplift when my friends can’t spare bail money.”
(The manager laughs and walks off, letting him keep his backpack.)
(A customer brings in his computer for service. While discussing his options, I mistakenly refer to a service that is twice as expensive as what he actually needs. He chooses a lesser service, signs his computer in, and leaves. After realizing the mistake, I find him still in the store.)
Me: “Sir, I just wanted to let you know that I misquoted the service, and we can actually do what you originally wanted, for the same price as the lesser service. I’m very sorry for the mistake.”
Customer: “Ah, that’s great! I’m glad I didn’t listen to the voice in my head.”
Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”
Customer: “The voice told me to rip your throat out when you told me the first price.”
Me: *nervous laughter* “Well now you get the service you originally wanted, and I get to keep my throat.”
Customer: *narrows eyes* “For now, yes.”
Customer: *hands me a printer* "Is this all I need to print? My last printer broke."
Me: "No, ma’am. You still have to purchase ink and a printer cable for it."
Customer: *grabs random ink off shelf* "Okay, here we go."
Me: "You have to get the specific brand and number listed on the box."
Customer: "Oh, well, normally you can just mix and match. I’m new to this web 2.0 nonsense but I think I know a little about setting up a printin’ machine!"