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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    An Un-Elf-y Obsession With Green

    | ON, Canada | Theme Of The Month

    (We are allowed to wear costumes to work on Halloween, and I couldn’t find anything super exciting, so my last minute costume consisted of a green shirt and a Kermit the Frog hat, which has eyes poking up from the top, and his face on the front.)

    Customer: “Are you an elf?”

    Me: “…No, I’m Kermit.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought you were an elf. Because you’re wearing green.”

    Me: “But I have a Kermit hat on…”

    Customer: “But it’s green.”

    Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 20

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer comes in to return a wireless mouse that apparently doesn’t work. I always check them in our own computer before returning them, because the customers are usually doing something wrong.)

    Customer: “This mouse doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s it doing?”

    Customer: “Nothing.”

    Me: “Okay, and you had the batteries in right?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “And you had it turned on?”

    Customer: “YES! I’M NOT AN IDIOT!”

    Me: “I wasn’t calling you an idiot. A lot of people don’t realize you can turn them on or off. ”

    (I check the batteries, turn it on and plug it in. It works.)

    Me: “Hmm, the mouse is working fine. Are you sure you had it turned on?”

    Customer: “YES! And I had the little thing in the mouse where it’s supposed to go!”

    Me: “What little thing?”

    Customer: “That little thing that sticks in the bottom of the mouse!”

    (I take the USB receiver out of the computer and hold it up.)

    Me: “This?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “You kept it in the mouse?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “That’s supposed to go in the computer…”

    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 19
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 18
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 17

    Her Query Is Ink-conclusive

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A fun new Polaroid style camera has come out and is extremely popular for Christmas gifts. I am talking to a middle-aged woman who should have grown up with film cameras.)

    Customer: “So the camera’s 100 bucks, and the photo paper is 20 bucks for 20? That’s so expensive!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s a little expensive.”

    Customer: “And how much is the ink?”

    Me: “There is no ink.”

    Customer: “So the pictures aren’t even in colour!?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re in colour.”

    Customer: “Right so when the ink runs out, I’ll have to get more.”

    Me: “No it doesn’t use ink; it’s film.”

    Customer: “What do you mean it doesn’t use ink!? How does the picture print?”

    Me: “It doesn’t technically print; it develops. It’s film.”

    Customer: “I don’t get what you mean.”

    Me: “The film is a special type of paper that reacts to light. When you take the picture, the light imprints on the paper, and when it comes out, it’s a picture. It’s like a Polaroid.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m sure the ink is expensive.”

    How To Fry Their Canadian Bacon

    , | Quebec, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Geography

    (I’m a European immigrant: I don’t necessarily look foreign, as I’ve been told by some… But I sound foreign. While serving an older customer:)

    Customer: “And what race are you?”

    Me: “I’m from the human race, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, of course? I mean what “race” are you?”

    Me: “There are no race among humans, ma’am. If you want to know my phenotype, I’m Caucasian, like you.”

    Customer: “I’m a proud Canadian!”

    Me: “That’s your nationality, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, uh, I’m never shopping here again!”

    Zero Chance Of Success

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

    (If someone’s phone number area code is 905, it is commonly said as ‘nine-oh-five’ instead of ‘nine-zero-five.’ Everyone who has ever sent a letter in Canada, also knows that Postal Codes are always Letter-Number-Letter, Number-Letter-Number. I am trying to do an online order for a customer, who has been very difficult throughout the entire transaction. I am taking his shipping information down.)

    Me: “Okay, and what’s your postal code?”

    Customer: “P, ‘oh,’ E, 5, Y ‘oh.'”

    (I type it in and ask for the rest of his info, but the computer tells me the postal code is wrong.)

    Me: “Hmm, that’s weird, it’s telling me the postal code is incorrect. Maybe I typed it in wrong. Can you repeat it to me, please?”

    Customer: “P, ‘oh,’ E, 5, Y ‘oh.'”

    (I type in P0E 5Y0.)

    Me: “No, it still says it’s wrong. Maybe it doesn’t want me to put a space. Did your area’s postal code recently change?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll try again.” *I try again, and nothing*

    Customer: “You do know that when I say ‘oh’, it’s not a letter, right? It’s the number Zero.”

    Me: “Yes, I know that. I’m putting in zeros.”

    Customer: “Because ‘oh’ and zero aren’t the same thing. They may look the same, but they’re not.”

    Me: “I know. I put in zeros.”

    (I try again, but it still says it’s wrong.)

    Me: *to an associate* “Can you put his postal code in? I keep trying with capitals, no capitals, spaces, no spaces, and it keeps telling me it’s wrong. I’ll bet you if someone else just does it, it’ll work.”

    (My associate comes over and asks for the postal code.)

    Me: “P, ‘oh,’ E, 5, Y ‘oh.'”

    Customer: “They’re not ‘oh’s! They’re zeros! That’s why it’s not working!”

    Associate: “I know they’re zeros, I know that postal codes are always letter-number-letter, number-letter,number.”

    Customer: “But the computer doesn’t know that! The computer doesn’t know that you mean zero when you say ‘oh’!”

    Me: “It doesn’t have to, because we’re not typing in ‘oh’s, we’re typing zeros. We’re just saying ‘oh’ because it’s easier. Everyone calls them ‘oh’s; even you did.”

    (I tell my associate the postal code again, but I make sure to say ‘zero’ instead of ‘oh’ and when he types it in, it works.)

    Me: “Thanks, I knew I just needed someone else to do it.”

    Customer: “It’s because you were saying ‘oh’ the whole time! It’s not ‘oh’ it’s zero!”

    (I wanted to smack him…)

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