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    The Color Of Death

    | Canton, OH, USA | Funny Names, Technology

    (A customer comes in looking for a new ink cartridge for his printer.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you could help me find ink?”

    Me: “Sure! Do you know the brand, number, and color you need?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s [Brand] number eight cyanide!”

    Me: *pauses for a few seconds, not sure if he’s joking* “Um, yeah. It’s right over here.” *give him the cyan ink*

    Customer: “Great, thanks so much for your help!”

    (I don’t have the heart to correct him as he continues on his merry way!)

    Sadly It Isn’t Illegal To Be An Idiot

    | KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a small, locally owned electronics store. 95 percent of my job is putting customer’s old home movies on DVD, but since we’re located downtown, I get a good deal of work from law firms as well. One day, a known customer comes in. He’s always slightly annoying to deal with, but he’s friends with the owner.)

    Me: “What can I do for you today, Mr. [Customer]?”

    Customer: “My lawyer gave me these videos but they won’t work in my DVD player.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me take a look at them real fast.”

    (I put the disc in my computer and notice it’s in an obscure format that needs a specific software that’s used exclusively in the legal system.)

    Me: “I see the issue. These won’t work in any DVD player. You need a specific computer software to view these.”

    Customer: “I don’t own a computer.”

    Me: “Well, that’s fine. I can easily convert these into a format your DVD player can read.”

    Customer: “Great. Can I get six copies of it?”

    Me: “Sure thing. I should have it ready for you tomorrow morning.”

    (I take the discs, make a DVD out of the video and the make the requested copies. The next day, the customer picks up his order along with the original discs his lawyer gave him. About a week later he returns.)

    Customer: “These discs don’t work.” *hands me the originals*

    Me: “These are the discs your lawyer gave you.”

    Customer: “Yeah, they won’t work in my DVD player.”

    Me: “Right. Remember I told you need a computer to view these discs?”

    Customer: “But I don’t have a computer! All the other discs you gave me work fine. Why won’t these work?”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t change the information on these discs. Once the disc is written, it can’t be altered. That’s why I gave you new discs that can be played on a DVD player.”

    Customer: “Well, these are no use to me. I need something that works on my player.”

    Me: “I can do it again if you want. But since there was nothing wrong with the other discs, I’ll have to charge you again.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. I need three copies this time.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (Once again I complete his order and have it ready for him next day. This time, to avoid confusion, I put a post-it on the originals that says ‘Must Have Computer.’ Another week passes, and he returns again.)

    Customer: “These still won’t work in my player.”

    (He hands me the discs. Right on top is my post-it note.)
    Me: “Sir, we’ve already been through this! You must have a computer to use these discs!”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “These discs are in a different format. Your player won’t recognize these. That’s why we made the other discs. Twice now.”

    Customer: “Yeah, those all worked fine.”

    Me: “So why don’t you just use one of those?”

    Customer: “I gave them all away. But I need these videos for a lawsuit I’m in.”

    Me: “So you want me to do this a third time?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    (This time, I don’t wait. I have the customer sit next to me as I go through the whole process step by step. Once the disc is finished burning, I put it into one of our DVD players to show him it does work. I once again hand him his new disc and the original, and once again charge him. Another week passes. I’m coming back in from my lunch break when my boss approaches me.)

    Boss: “Mr. [Customer] dropped by while you were out. He said there was a problem with these discs.”

    (He hands me the discs. My post-it note still sits on top. This time I don’t say a word. I simply take the discs, sit them on a shelf in my office, and there they sit to this day. The customer never asked about them again.)

    Managed To Serve Them With No Charge

    | Hilleroed, Denmark | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at the service desk at a local electronics store. A customer walks up to the desk and lays his cellphone, complete with box, on the table.)

    Customer: “There’s a problem with this phone. I bought it yesterday and started charging it as soon as I got home.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Even after about four hours of charging, the phone still can’t switch on.”

    (I quickly grab the phone, plug in the charger and, sure enough, nothing happens. I remove the back of the phone and a light dawns on me. I open the box, grab the battery, place it in the phone and hands everything to the customer.)

    Me: “There you go. It should work now.”

    Customer: “Oh… uhm… Promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

    Me: “I honestly can’t promise that. You just made my entire week.”

    He’s Furbious

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Holidays, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working the register in the store where we sell electronics including toys, like Furbies, robot dogs, etc. A scruffy-looking customer comes in, followed moments later by twenty-something woman and her boyfriend. The couple begin looking at tablets, when the woman spots our Furbies.)

    Woman: “Oh look, Furbies. They’re so cute! These must be new ones. They have digital eyes! They’re smaller than mine, too. Hey, Furby!”

    (She starts to have a silly conversation with the Furby. Her genuine excitement is pretty adorable. I exchange an appreciative smile with her boyfriend as she chatters away. Suddenly, the scruffy customer storms over to them and grabs the Furby, throwing it hard to the ground. I come running.)

    Boyfriend: “What the h*** are you doing?!”

    Me: “Excuse me. If that Furby is broken, I’ll need you to pay for the damage. Now, please back off.”

    Scruffy Customer: *aiming abuse at the woman* “F*** the lot of you! She was doing my head in. The stupid little b**** is acting like a kid. Are you special?! Did you get out early from your special school, *****? People like you f*** off! I f****** hate people like you when I’m trying to f****** buy stuff!”

    (The woman is clearly speechless and her eyes are watering. Her boyfriend is livid and yells at the guy. I quickly pick up the Furby to check it’s not broken. The guy starts flailing his arms and tells the boyfriend that he’s going to ‘do him in.’)

    Me: “Get out now, mate. You’ve threatened violence to my customers, and us three are witnesses. I’ll call the police right now. Leave.”

    Scruffy Customer: “Aye. Well, **** you too you, cow. Both you f***s!”

    (The boyfriend suddenly grabs the scruffy customer by the collar and turfs him out of the shop. The scruffy customer clearly gets a fright at the boyfriend’s strength and runs for it, cursing all the way down the street.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry about that guy. What a moron. Are you guys okay?”

    (The woman nods, crying a little, and her boyfriend cuddles her.)

    Boyfriend: “I couldn’t take any more of that. She has Asperger’s, and sometimes can seem a bit childish to people who don’t know her. Thanks for trying to help.”

    Me: “Ah. No problem. I hate seeing anyone get hassled by an idiot like him. Hey, I’m going to log this Furby as being smashed by a customer. I’d have to bin it, so you can just take it if you want.”

    Woman: “Oh, no. That’s okay. I don’t want you to get in trouble. There are security cameras in here and you could get into bother for being seen doing that.”

    Me: “Nah. My boss is more like a mate. He’d understand if it came up. Trust me. Here. It sounds like you struck a bond with it, anyway!”

    (We all laugh and chat for a little while longer before they leave with their new Furby. Two days later I came in to work to find a Christmas card had been left for me, by them, as well as a £15 gift card with a note saying my lunch was on them for being so nice!)

    Free Lager For Free Labor

    | UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’ve just fixed a customer’s laptop which had an issue outputting to a monitor. I decide not to charge him, as the problem is minor and the fix didn’t take very long.)

    Customer: “Thanks a lot for that. I appreciate it. Wait here a sec.”

    (The customer leaves the store and I continue serving customers. Half an hour later, he returns.)

    Customer: “Here you go, mate. Hope you drink lager!”

    (He puts a case of beer down on my counter and begins walking out.)

    Me: “Whaa… are you serious? What’s this for?”

    Customer: “For fixing my laptop!”

    Me: “I… I really appreciate it, but you didn’t need to—”

    Customer: “You fixed my problem quickly and with a smile. I’m not the best with technology but you were very patient with me, which is more than I can say about the staff over at [Competitor]. So enjoy that, and I’ll definitely be shopping here again!”

    (That guy made my shift!)


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