November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Networking Not Working

| Denver, CO, USA | Technology

(I work in the electronics department of a store. Each of us there has some expertise in what we sell, but we aren’t required to be walking encyclopedias of the entire department. A woman and her husband walk up to me to ask a question.)

Woman: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, how may I help you?”

Woman: “I’d like to buy a wifi router.”

Me: *gestures at aisle* “They’re right down that way, miss.”

(Woman remains where she is, glaring at me.)

Me: “Was there something else?”

Woman: “Aren’t you going to give me any suggestions or help me set it up?”

Me: *smiles sheepishly* “Well, I would, miss, but I don’t really know how to set up a wifi network.”

Woman: *getting irritated* “You’ve never set up a wifi network before?”

Me: “Nope.”

Woman: “And you’re working in electronics?”

Me: “Yup.”

Woman: “How can you not know how to set up a wifi network?”

Me: “Never done it before.”

Woman: *not bothering to conceal her irritation at this point* “So how can you work in the electronics department if you don’t even know how to set up a wifi network?”

Me: *shrugs* “I don’t know, but I also work over in fabrics. Would it surprise you to know that I can’t stitch a quilt?”

(The woman was speechless, and her husband doubled over laughing.)

Not A Laptop Flop

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Money, Technology

(I’m a consultant and cashier at a popular electronics store. Most people come into the store to buy laptops and computers, and it’s part of my job to promote our computer repair service on every purchase. It just turned dark and it’s my last customer I have to deal with, who’s buying an expensive laptop. Some kids are playing outside and making a lot of noise.)

Customer: “I don’t really want your protection plan. I’m really careful with my things.”

Me: “Are you sure? We have a discount that reduces that price every year you have it, and it’s not a high price to begin with.”

(After a minute of trying to convince him to buy it, he relents.)

Customer: “Whatever. I’ll get it, I guess.”

(I ring up his purchases, including the protection plan.)

Me: “Thanks for shopping at [Store], and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Yeah, you too—”

(Out of nowhere, a few of the kids playing outside bump into him and knock his things to the ground, including his laptop. I can hear some shattering noises from all the way from my station. The customer looks into the box he had his laptop in and everything in it is completely broken. He looks straight at me blankly and amused.)

Customer: “Good thing I got that protection plan!”

On A Preaching (Hard) Drive

, | UT, USA | Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(This occurs in northern Utah in a city where the majority religion is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a.k.a.: “Mormons”), to which I belong, but this is a big enough city that Christian churches were quite common. A couple approaches me about buying a computer.)

Me: “So, what do you need the computer to do for you?”

Customer: “I need to make some presentations.”

Me: “What kind? Business proposals? Slide shows? Videos?”

Customer: “Well, I’m a preacher, and I need something to make presentations and project them onto the wall for my congregation so they can have some visual aids during my sermons.”

Me: “Got it. Let me show you a few things.”

(We discussed specs, capabilities, accessories, security software, productivity software, and we’re just getting to the service contract options when the conversation takes an abrupt turn.)

Customer: “I just need to be sure it’s going to last a while. I have a small congregation right now, and we don’t have a lot of money. You see, I used to go to [Non-Denominational Christian Church] west of [City], but I didn’t like the pastor there, always lording over the people with what he thought was his authority and power. So I did some studying and started my own church.”

Me: “…I see. And you want to make sure the people coming to worship with you understand the important parts of your sermons.”

Customer: “Yes. PowerPoint will help.”

Me: “I’m sure it could. Now—”

Customer: “Do you have a church?”

Me: “Well, I don’t HAVE a church, but I go to one.”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, good. It’s always nice to meet another Christian.”

Customer: “What church do you go to?”

(I state my religion and mention which building in town I usually attend services. I’m about to steer him back to the service contract conversation when his whole posture changes. His face turns a little red, his back stiffens, his hands curl as if about to form fists, and his eyes widen.)

Customer: “You’re Mormon! Oh, Heaven help you! I preach the apostolic gospel of Paul as is written in The Bible. I left [Non-Denominational Christian Church] because [Pastor] refused to preach that gospel. Jesus declared that anyone who should preach anything other than the gospel of Paul will be cursed! That’s why I only preach from The Bible, and I only preach the apostolic gospel of Paul. You Mormons don’t even believe in The Bible!”

Me: “Actually, we do, but I try not to discuss my religion at work. Now, would you be interest—”

Customer: “No, you DON’T! You don’t even believe in Jesus! If you don’t give up your wickedness and become Christian and be saved, your soul will be destined for Hell. It is my duty, as a Christian and as a preacher and as a follower of Paul, to save your SOUL!”

Me: “I’m quite happy with my faith, thank you. Now, if you’ll look at this flyer, you’ll see we have a variety of pricing options for the service contracts, if you want to get one, and—”

Customer: “Here! Take my card! Come to my church! Save yourself! Let me save you!”

(His wife clears her throat and interrupts to tell me which service contract they might be interested in but that they need some time to think about the whole purchase. She thanks me for my time and turns to go.)

Customer: “It’s not too late! We meet in my living room every Sunday at 10:00 and every Wednesday at 7:00. Please come! Uh… Do you have a spec sheet for that second model?”

(I send him on his way. I notice a few other customers staring at me and at the two customers as if we are some gory train-wreck spectacle. I turn to the one who has been waiting the longest.)

Me: “Sir, are you here to save souls or to save money on a computer?”

Pretend You Weren’t Listening

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Technology

(I work in an electronics store and we sell speakers and sound bars for TVs. We sometimes sell our display units if we are out of stock. One of my coworkers has been talking to a customer about one for ages, but since he is about to leave, he says the customer is happy with it and asks me to pack it up for him. The customer has been watching me struggle with the packaging for about five minutes.)

Customer: “Thanks for packing that up for me; that looked like it was a hard one to do.”

(I’m currently putting tape over the box, sealing it in there.)

Me: “Yeah, it was. You get used to doing it while working, but sometimes it’s particularly difficult. I’m glad I FINALLY got it in though; sorry for taking so long.”

Customer: “That’s fine. Can I have a listen to it now?”

Me: “…”

Lined Up To Fail

| Norway | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(When a customer comes in to our store they first talk to a salesman who registers the product the customer wants.. After that, they come to me, the cashier, and after they have paid they collect their product out in the hall where we have our delivery point. Christmas time is our busiest time of the year. I’m the cashier.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy an iPad. It’s under the name [Name].”

Me: “Okay, that will be [price].”

(The customer pays and goes off to collect the iPad. I continue with the line. Soon he comes back, red in the face with anger. I’ve started helping another customer, but he is so mad he ignores that fact.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me. What is this!?”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer #1: “I’ve been standing in line for a very long time and now there is a line at the delivery point as well. I don’t have fu***** time for this.”

Me: “Your iPad is reserved to you so if you want to collect another time, you are free to do so if you don’t have the time right now. I’m sorry but they are working as fast as they can out there.”

Customer #1: “That’s not f****** good enough. Give me my money back and I’ll go to another store and spend my money there.”

Me: “Of course.”

(I ask the person next in line if it’s okay if I fix this really quickly. He smiles and says okay. While I type away the angry customer keeps insulting me.)

Customer #1: “This poor service. How dare they do this to me?! This service is s***!”

Customer #2: “Well, they do have pretty s***ty customers, too.”

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