October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Technology, Transportation

(An elderly woman comes into the store and asks for a new GPS because her old one is “broken.”)

Me: “How long have you had the GPS?”

Woman: “Three years.”

Me: “That doesn’t seem that old. Usually, they last longer. What is wrong with it?”

Woman: “I was driving in Cobourg and it got me lost many times.”

(Cobourg is a town with new developments.)

Me: “When was the last time you updated the maps?”

Woman: “What?”

(I explain to her that she needs to update the maps in order to get accurate results. She responded by saying she does not own a computer and thought I was trying to sell her a computer she did not need. I show her some of the GPS that we have and recommended a basic one with lifetime maps.)

Woman: “Why can’t I get this one? It’s $40 cheaper.”

Me: “It does not have free map updates. To update a single map costs $60-$80, so you’re saving money.”

Woman: “I don’t need to update the maps. It tells you where you’re going!”

(I gave up. She bought the GPS that did not have the lifetime maps. I’m still waiting for her to come back and tell me the new GPS is broken.)

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

The Route Of Shared Pain

| USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Technology, Top

(I work tech support in a call centre, which can involve long and draining days. I take a break and head down to the mall adjacent to us and am browsing some items in an electronic store. Many of the items are the same ones I provide technical support for. I approach an employee to ask a question about a sale they have on their wireless routers.)

Me: “Hi, I wanted to ask about these wireless routers.”

Employee: *suddenly looking scared* “…Yes?”

Me: “I notice the sale is for the tri-band routers, but does it also apply to the quad-band?”

Employee: *looking surprised* “Oh. Sorry, it’s just I’ve been asked very different kinds of questions today.”

Me: “Let me guess. They’re surprised you have to plug them in because they should be ‘wireless?'”

Employee: “Yes! How did you know?”

Me: “I work tech support across the street. I had a call today asking why the ‘box of Internet’ had to talk to the clouds, and ‘why was the Internet all the way up there in the first place?'”

Employee: “Can… can I give you a hug?”

Hired And Fired And Tired

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m shopping at a large electronics store. I’m dressed casually in a blue graphic tee which, if you aren’t paying attention, for a second might look like what the employees wear.)

Other Customer: “I need you to find this for me.”

(I don’t respond as I am not aware that she is talking to me. I am reading the specs on the back of a box. The other customer then shoves an opened item in my hands on top of the box I am holding.)

Me: “What the h***?!”

Other Customer: “HELLO?! FIND this for me.”

Me: *hands it back to her* “I don’t work here. Work on your manners, lady.”

Other Customer: *she just stares at me for a minute* “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”

(I just shake my head and start walking away. She is really getting on my nerves.)

Other Customer: *following me* “STOP RIGHT THERE! You are NOT allowed to talk to paying customers that way!”

Me: “I’M a paying customer. I don’t work here! Go away!”

Other Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You need to be fired for your attitude.”

Me: “They can’t fire me if I don’t work here. Stop following me!”

(At this point, other people are staring, laughing at the lady, and sharing sympathetic looks with me.)

Other Customer: “Oh, we’ll see about that!”

(A manager steps in as this lady has made a scene in the store and a lot of people have taken notice.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Other Customer: “This b**** is giving me the worst attitude! I have never been treated so badly in all my life!”

Me: “And this psycho keeps following me around thinking I work here! I keep telling her I don’t work here!”

Other Customer: “You won’t be working here if you keep up your b****y attitude!”

(The manager is clearly very uncomfortable.)

Manager: “Uh, ma’am, she doesn’t actually work here.”

Other Customer: “You need to handle this! Fire this b**** immediately!”

(The manager looks around at the customers and employees who have gathered at a safe distance and are snickering at the scene. He looks at me and shrugs.)

Manager: *to me* “Uh… You’re fired, ma’am?”

Me: *dramatically and smiling* “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME BEFORE YOU’VE EVEN HIRED ME!”

Manager: *smiling* “I’d like to offer you a job as an associate. Awesome pay and benefits?”

Me: “I’ll TAKE it!”

Manager: “You’re fired.”

Me: “NOOOOOOO! How could you?!”

(The crowd starts laughing.)

Other Customer: “Are you MOCKING me?!”

Me: “He’s just giving you what you demanded. Now quit bothering me.”

(She turned bright red and stormed out of the store without another word.)

Keeping Borders Secure And Identity Insecure

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Top

(I am waiting in line, the next to be up, when I hear this a customer start shouting about how she refuses to show ‘some Mexican’ her ID in order to purchase something.)

Customer: “I don’t know where you get off asking to see MY ID! I don’t ask to see your green card!”

Employee: “Your credit card doesn’t have a signature on it, so I have to get an ID or I can’t let you use it.”

Customer: “This is so rude! I cannot believe you people are even allowed to ask for it, for ANY REASON!”

(Having had enough, and just wanting to buy my videogame, I start walking towards the customer.)

Me: “Ma’am, what’s the problem here?!”

Customer: “This illegal wants to see my ID!”

Me: “She’s obviously not illegal, but if you don’t want her to see your ID, then maybe you can just let me see both cards and I’ll verify it to her?”

Customer: “That’s fine. A nice American boy doing the right thing. Thank you.”

(The clerk hands me the credit card, and the woman hands me her ID. I look at them and nod to the clerk. I don’t hand the lady back her ID, though.)

Me: “So… your name’s [Name].”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “You live at [Address]?”

Customer: “That’s what the ID says.”

Me: “Do you know my name?”

Customer: “Uh, huh? No, I don’t. Of course not. Don’t be silly. We just met.”

Me: “Do you know my address?”

Customer: “Well, obviously I wouldn’t. What’s your point?”

Me: “[Full Name] who lives at [Address], why would you give me your ID without knowing who I am, what I want, or what I would do with it? I know who you are and where you live now.”

(The customer just stares at me, speechless as I hand her back the card and the clerk gives her the items she came in to buy.)

Me: “Oh, and by the way – I’m Italian, so think about how badly you just screwed up as you walk back to your car. I’m not saying I would change my locks. I’m just saying I’d be smarter about things!”

Radio Killed The Electronic Store

| BC, Canada | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help me with installing my car stereo?”

Me: “Of course! If you like I can book you a time with my installer and we can get you in! When would be a good time for you?”

Customer: “Actually, I don’t want to spend any money on it. I just want a step by step instruction guide on how to do it without paying anyone.”

Me: “Oh, well unfortunately I don’t think we have anything to that effect, but our installer would definitely be able to have a look at it if you are having issues.”

Customer: “What kind of customer service is that? I want it done for free!”