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  • Hired And Fired And Tired

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m shopping at a large electronics store. I’m dressed casually in a blue graphic tee which, if you aren’t paying attention, for a second might look like what the employees wear.)

    Other Customer: “I need you to find this for me.”

    (I don’t respond as I am not aware that she is talking to me. I am reading the specs on the back of a box. The other customer then shoves an opened item in my hands on top of the box I am holding.)

    Me: “What the h***?!”

    Other Customer: “HELLO?! FIND this for me.”

    Me: *hands it back to her* “I don’t work here. Work on your manners, lady.”

    Other Customer: *she just stares at me for a minute* “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”

    (I just shake my head and start walking away. She is really getting on my nerves.)

    Other Customer: *following me* “STOP RIGHT THERE! You are NOT allowed to talk to paying customers that way!”

    Me: “I’M a paying customer. I don’t work here! Go away!”

    Other Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You need to be fired for your attitude.”

    Me: “They can’t fire me if I don’t work here. Stop following me!”

    (At this point, other people are staring, laughing at the lady, and sharing sympathetic looks with me.)

    Other Customer: “Oh, we’ll see about that!”

    (A manager steps in as this lady has made a scene in the store and a lot of people have taken notice.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

    Other Customer: “This b**** is giving me the worst attitude! I have never been treated so badly in all my life!”

    Me: “And this psycho keeps following me around thinking I work here! I keep telling her I don’t work here!”

    Other Customer: “You won’t be working here if you keep up your b****y attitude!”

    (The manager is clearly very uncomfortable.)

    Manager: “Uh, ma’am, she doesn’t actually work here.”

    Other Customer: “You need to handle this! Fire this b**** immediately!”

    (The manager looks around at the customers and employees who have gathered at a safe distance and are snickering at the scene. He looks at me and shrugs.)

    Manager: *to me* “Uh… You’re fired, ma’am?”

    Me: *dramatically and smiling* “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME BEFORE YOU’VE EVEN HIRED ME!”

    Manager: *smiling* “I’d like to offer you a job as an associate. Awesome pay and benefits?”

    Me: “I’ll TAKE it!”

    Manager: “You’re fired.”

    Me: “NOOOOOOO! How could you?!”

    (The crowd starts laughing.)

    Other Customer: “Are you MOCKING me?!”

    Me: “He’s just giving you what you demanded. Now quit bothering me.”

    (She turned bright red and stormed out of the store without another word.)

    Keeping Borders Secure And Identity Insecure

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am waiting in line, the next to be up, when I hear this a customer start shouting about how she refuses to show ‘some Mexican’ her ID in order to purchase something.)

    Customer: “I don’t know where you get off asking to see MY ID! I don’t ask to see your green card!”

    Employee: “Your credit card doesn’t have a signature on it, so I have to get an ID or I can’t let you use it.”

    Customer: “This is so rude! I cannot believe you people are even allowed to ask for it, for ANY REASON!”

    (Having had enough, and just wanting to buy my videogame, I start walking towards the customer.)

    Me: “Ma’am, what’s the problem here?!”

    Customer: “This illegal wants to see my ID!”

    Me: “She’s obviously not illegal, but if you don’t want her to see your ID, then maybe you can just let me see both cards and I’ll verify it to her?”

    Customer: “That’s fine. A nice American boy doing the right thing. Thank you.”

    (The clerk hands me the credit card, and the woman hands me her ID. I look at them and nod to the clerk. I don’t hand the lady back her ID, though.)

    Me: “So… your name’s [Name].”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Me: “You live at [Address]?”

    Customer: “That’s what the ID says.”

    Me: “Do you know my name?”

    Customer: “Uh, huh? No, I don’t. Of course not. Don’t be silly. We just met.”

    Me: “Do you know my address?”

    Customer: “Well, obviously I wouldn’t. What’s your point?”

    Me: “[Full Name] who lives at [Address], why would you give me your ID without knowing who I am, what I want, or what I would do with it? I know who you are and where you live now.”

    (The customer just stares at me, speechless as I hand her back the card and the clerk gives her the items she came in to buy.)

    Me: “Oh, and by the way – I’m Italian, so think about how badly you just screwed up as you walk back to your car. I’m not saying I would change my locks. I’m just saying I’d be smarter about things!”

    Radio Killed The Electronic Store

    | BC, Canada | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help me with installing my car stereo?”

    Me: “Of course! If you like I can book you a time with my installer and we can get you in! When would be a good time for you?”

    Customer: “Actually, I don’t want to spend any money on it. I just want a step by step instruction guide on how to do it without paying anyone.”

    Me: “Oh, well unfortunately I don’t think we have anything to that effect, but our installer would definitely be able to have a look at it if you are having issues.”

    Customer: “What kind of customer service is that? I want it done for free!”