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    They Handle Suits For A Living

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Top

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up my jacket. The ticket number is [number].”

    Me: “Let me check…”

    (Upon checking the ticket, I realize that the jacket has been left two years ago. This most likely means that it’s since been donated to charity, or auctioned off. According to the state law, after being unclaimed for six months, clothing can be donated to charity or sold off to recoup the losses.)

    Me: “I’m going to go check if we have it in the back. I’ll be back in a minute.”

    (Sure enough, it doesn’t exist.)

    Me: “It looks like we don’t have your jacket anymore, since it was left here two years ago and has never been claimed.”

    Customer: “What do you mean it’s not here anymore?”

    Me: “Since your jacket had been left here two years ago, it was probably donated or auctioned off by the previous owner.”

    Customer: “No, that can’t be. Go back there check again.”

    (I go into the back again, but come out empty handed.)

    Me: “Nope. We don’t have it anymore. Sorry.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! You guys can’t just get rid of my clothes like that! It’s an expensive jacket! Do you know how much that jacket cost me?”

    Me: “Actually, yes, we can, according to the law, cited in section 399-BB. Any clothes left unclaimed for more than six months can be donated to charity or sold off.”

    Customer: “Nuh-uh! You find my jacket, or I’ll call the police!”

    Me: “I said it before and I’ll say it again: your jacket is not here anymore. I’d love to find your jacket so we can resolve this issue, but I can’t.”

    Customer: “It cost me $800!”

    Me: “I wish I could help you, but I can’t since it’s been disposed of by the previous owner.”

    Customer: “I’ll sue you! I’m going to the small claims court and suing your a**!”

    Me: “So, let me put it into perspective: you leave your precious $800 jacket here, come back out of the blue after two years, and then threaten to sue us, even though the law in this case, which was created specifically for situations like this, states that we aren’t responsible for unclaimed clothes that have been left at the premises for more than six months? Not to mention the fact that we have absolutely no recollection of this, since our family took over the store just a couple of months ago?”

    (Due to the inability to provide a rational response, the customer proceeds to flip out. Eventually, the police are involved after the customer made the phone call, and an officer is dispatched. I explain to the officer what has occurred, as well as the law regarding the matter, and he sides with us. The customer ends up leaving empty-handed.)

    When Press Comes To Shove

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

    (I’m working at a dry cleaners. It’s nearly closing time, so my 6’5″, 250 lb. fiancé is waiting out of sight in the back for me to finish up. A last minute customer arrives.)

    Customer: *angrily* “Are my shirts done yet?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Let me get those for you.”

    (I get the shirts, which the customer has waited a long time to pick up—several weeks. They are therefore not perfectly pressed anymore. The customer inspects them and is clearly not happy.)

    Customer: “This is terrible work! Look at this wrinkle!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but they were—”

    (The customer shoves himself aggressively over the counter and starts yelling abusively in my face.)

    Customer: “WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY DRY CLEANER ARE YOU ANYWAY!?”

    (Suddenly, my fiancé, who has heard all this, whips out from the back of the store and jumps in front of the counter, between me and the abusive customer. He moves to within three inches of the customer’s face, and looks down at him menacingly.)

    Fiancé: *softly, but in deep bass register* “DO. YOU. HAVE. A. PROBLEM?”

    Customer: *cowers back* “No, no…everything’s fine…”

    (The customer grabs his shirts and literally flees out the store.  I never saw him again.)

    Me: *to fiance* “I love you.”

    It’s Enough To Give You A Tick

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Top

    (A customer walks in with several trash bags full of clothes to be cleaned.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. I’ll need to sort and count all these items before I can give you a price. Would you mind opening that bag while I work on this one?”

    Customer: “Why would I do your job?”

    Me: “Of course, sir.”

    (The customer watches silently as I sort, count, and fold over forty items, including clothing, bedding, and towels. Essentially, I am touching his clothes with my bare hands for over twenty minutes.)

    Me: “Okay sir, your total comes to [price]. We’ll have them cleaned for you tomorrow after four.”

    Customer: “You can’t clean them sooner?”

    Me: “Is there a specific reason you need them sooner?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my kids have head lice. That’s all their contaminated stuff. They won’t have anything to sleep on tonight.”

    Irregular Regulars

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (At the dry cleaners where I work, an elderly woman comes in nearly every day. We think she has something wrong with her mentally, but she’s a sweet lady.)

    Customer: “Hi, girls!

    Me: “Hello again!”

    Customer: “It’s a very nice day today, I’ve just been on a walk!”

    Coworker: “Yes, looks bright and sunny!”

    Customer: “The sun has made me tired, I feel like I need a nap…”

    Me: “That’s a good idea, why don’t you take a nap?”

    Customer: “Okay!”

    (She takes me literally and lays down right there in front of the door.)

    Coworker: “Um… how are people going to give us their clothes for cleaning?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.” *doesn’t move*

    Me: “Can you please move?”

    Coworker: “Please, we need to keep the doorway clear.”

    Customer: “But I really like it right here!”

    Me: “Wouldn’t your bed be so much more comfortable?”

    Customer: “Oh, I guess so.”

    (Lady gets up, takes some more mints for her coat pocket, and shuffles out the door.)

    Me: “See you tomorrow!”

    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information

    | Doncaster, UK |

    Caller: “I was wondering what stains you can get out of fabric? Can you get everything out?”

    Me: “What is the stain, exactly?”

    Caller: “Well, I was watching this woman on telly and I got a bit excited–”

    Me: *cuts him off* “–Oh yes, we can get THAT out.”

    Caller: “Do you want to know who it was?”

    Me: “Ummm…”

    Eavesdropping coworker: *grabs phone* “Ooh yes, tell us!”

    Caller: “Dolly Parton. She really does it for me!”

    (All unusual customer requests from that day forward were known as ‘Dolly Partons’.)

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