October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

A Picture Perfect Resolution

| Lakewood, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I came in a couple hours ago to pick up my pictures, and my wife says we’re 17 pictures short! This always happens when we come here! Is it really so hard to keep track of one f***ing order?”

(The customer continues to rant for several minutes, getting louder and more obscene. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store], how may I help you?”

Caller: “I was in there an hour and a half ago and the dumb*** in front of me left 17 pictures on the counter that I accidentally took home with my pictures. What kind of moron leaves pictures on the counter?”

(I hand the phone to the irate customer.)

Me: “It’s for you.”

DJ Freud, Featuring The Oedipus Complexes

| Houston, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(I work in the beauty department and a customer comes up to me).

Customer: “I need a face wash for my son that will get rid of the semen on his face.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Are you deaf? He is too oily!”

Me: “You mean sebum?”

(The customer turns the brightest shade of red and runs out the store.)

Crumbled Translation

| Cranston, RI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need a rain check.”

Me: “Alright, what do you need it for?”

Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you right. Would you please repeat that?”

Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes!”

Me:” I don’t believe we sell those.”

Customer: “Yes you do. I saw them in the sale flyer!” *points to flyer which says ‘Au Gratin Potatoes’*

Unaware Of My Space

| Waterloo, Canada | Uncategorized

(It is a few minutes after closing time and we lock the door. Moments later I hear the sound of breaking glass. I rush over and see a woman on the ground surrounded by glass. She had tried to walk through the door and broke it.)

Me: “Miss, are you alright?! Are you hurt anywhere?”

Customer: “No! No…I think I’m fine.”

Me: “Miss, let me show you somewhere to sit while we wait for security and the ambulance.”

Customer: “No! I don’t have time d*** it! I have to go write this in my blog!” *runs off*


| Georgia, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [drugstore], how can I help you?”

Customer: “What time do y’all close?”

Me: “We’re open twenty four hours, sir.”

Customer: “But what time do you close?”

Me: “We’re twenty four hours.”

Customer: “What does that mean? I don’t know military time!”

Me: “We’re open twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year sir.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to me. How am I suppose to know when to come if I don’t know when you close?!”

Me: “Sir, we never close. We’re always open.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “No matter what time you come, someone will be here, sir.”

Customer: “Well, what kind of stupid a** schedule is that?!”

Me: “You’d have to ask corporate, sir.”

Customer: “So wait…what time do y’all close?”

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