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    Crumbled Translation

    | Cranston, RI, USA |

    Customer: “I need a rain check.”

    Me: “Alright, what do you need it for?”

    Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you right. Would you please repeat that?”

    Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes!”

    Me:” I don’t believe we sell those.”

    Customer: “Yes you do. I saw them in the sale flyer!” *points to flyer which says ‘Au Gratin Potatoes’*

    Unaware Of My Space

    | Waterloo, Canada |

    (It is a few minutes after closing time and we lock the door. Moments later I hear the sound of breaking glass. I rush over and see a woman on the ground surrounded by glass. She had tried to walk through the door and broke it.)

    Me: “Miss, are you alright?! Are you hurt anywhere?”

    Customer: “No! No…I think I’m fine.”

    Me: “Miss, let me show you somewhere to sit while we wait for security and the ambulance.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t have time d*** it! I have to go write this in my blog!” *runs off*

    Close-Minded

    | Georgia, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [drugstore], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “What time do y’all close?”

    Me: “We’re open twenty four hours, sir.”

    Customer: “But what time do you close?”

    Me: “We’re twenty four hours.”

    Customer: “What does that mean? I don’t know military time!”

    Me: “We’re open twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year sir.”

    Customer: “You’re not listening to me. How am I suppose to know when to come if I don’t know when you close?!”

    Me: “Sir, we never close. We’re always open.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “No matter what time you come, someone will be here, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, what kind of stupid a** schedule is that?!”

    Me: “You’d have to ask corporate, sir.”

    Customer: “So wait…what time do y’all close?”

    Medical Wonders Of The After-Hours

    | New York, USA |

    (I work at a drugstore where the pharmacy closes a few hours sooner than the rest of the store. A customer bursts in holding a script from a doctor’s office, and yells at me from across the store.)

    Customer: “OH, NO! WHEN DOES THE PHARMACY CLOSE?!”

    Me: *glances at clock which reads 8:30pm* “Six. Sorry.”

    Customer: “Oh no. Oh God! What do I do?!”

    Me: “The pharmacy opens at nine in the morning, and closes at six, again. You can come back then and–”

    Customer: “Is there a number I can call?! There has to be, for this sort of thing?”

    Me: “No. I’m sorry. If you just–”

    Customer: “But what does this town do in case of an emergency?!”

    Me: “…we go to the hospital, ma’am.”

    Customer: “The hospital? Thank you!” *leaves still clutching script tightly*

    What A Lady, What A Night

    | New Port Richey, FL, USA | Top

    (I’m standing in line and overhear this conversation between a beautiful middle aged woman and the photo clerk.)

    Clerk: “… unfortunately, we are unable to print all of your photos. Some of them are in violation of a our content policy.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. All I took pictures of was a trip to Busch Gardens and then my son’s birthday party. What could be so inappropriate?”

    Clerk: “Were you at some point singing karaoke?”

    (The customers face goes from confusion, to understanding, to embarrassment, and finally to barely controlled rage.)

    Customer: “I will be right back.”

    (The customer goes down the aisle and begins grabbing a few additional items.)

    Clerk, to me: “She was naked. Pretty hot for an older lady.”

    (The customer returns with her new items and makes a phone call while the clerk processes the transaction.)

    Customer: *sweetly on the phone* “Oh, honey, you have been working so hard and have been so good to me. I am making you an amazing dinner. Can you pick up some makings for some cocktails on the way home? I am going to give you a night you will never forget! Love you, bye!”

    (As she says this, I notice the new items she’s buying: a sports drink, anti-diarrhea medicine, and a giant bottle of contact lens solution–the latter of which can give people diarrhea. The clerk finishes the transaction and the customer gives us the most evil grin right before she walks out.)

    Clerk: “Hopefully, she won’t let him suffer too long…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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