DJ Freud, Featuring The Oedipus Complexes

| Houston, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(I work in the beauty department and a customer comes up to me).

Customer: “I need a face wash for my son that will get rid of the semen on his face.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Are you deaf? He is too oily!”

Me: “You mean sebum?”

(The customer turns the brightest shade of red and runs out the store.)

Crumbled Translation

| Cranston, RI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need a rain check.”

Me: “Alright, what do you need it for?”

Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you right. Would you please repeat that?”

Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes!”

Me:” I don’t believe we sell those.”

Customer: “Yes you do. I saw them in the sale flyer!” *points to flyer which says ‘Au Gratin Potatoes’*

Unaware Of My Space

| Waterloo, Canada | Uncategorized

(It is a few minutes after closing time and we lock the door. Moments later I hear the sound of breaking glass. I rush over and see a woman on the ground surrounded by glass. She had tried to walk through the door and broke it.)

Me: “Miss, are you alright?! Are you hurt anywhere?”

Customer: “No! No…I think I’m fine.”

Me: “Miss, let me show you somewhere to sit while we wait for security and the ambulance.”

Customer: “No! I don’t have time d*** it! I have to go write this in my blog!” *runs off*

Close-Minded

| Georgia, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [drugstore], how can I help you?”

Customer: “What time do y’all close?”

Me: “We’re open twenty four hours, sir.”

Customer: “But what time do you close?”

Me: “We’re twenty four hours.”

Customer: “What does that mean? I don’t know military time!”

Me: “We’re open twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year sir.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to me. How am I suppose to know when to come if I don’t know when you close?!”

Me: “Sir, we never close. We’re always open.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “No matter what time you come, someone will be here, sir.”

Customer: “Well, what kind of stupid a** schedule is that?!”

Me: “You’d have to ask corporate, sir.”

Customer: “So wait…what time do y’all close?”

Medical Wonders Of The After-Hours

| New York, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a drugstore where the pharmacy closes a few hours sooner than the rest of the store. A customer bursts in holding a script from a doctor’s office, and yells at me from across the store.)

Customer: “OH, NO! WHEN DOES THE PHARMACY CLOSE?!”

Me: *glances at clock which reads 8:30pm* “Six. Sorry.”

Customer: “Oh no. Oh God! What do I do?!”

Me: “The pharmacy opens at nine in the morning, and closes at six, again. You can come back then and–”

Customer: “Is there a number I can call?! There has to be, for this sort of thing?”

Me: “No. I’m sorry. If you just–”

Customer: “But what does this town do in case of an emergency?!”

Me: “…we go to the hospital, ma’am.”

Customer: “The hospital? Thank you!” *leaves still clutching script tightly*

Page 9/12First...7891011...Last