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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Feel-up On Aisle 5

    | South Paris, ME, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am dusting and organizing a shelf when someone comes up and punches me in the back really hard, twice. So hard, in fact, that the wind is knocked out of me. I turn around and there’s a man I’ve never seen before.)

    Customer: “Oops…sorry! Thought you were someone else!” *walks off*

    (My coworker runs over to me to see what’s going on.)

    Coworker: “Did he just hit you? What was that about?”

    Me: “Yeah…he said he thought I was someone else.”

    Coworker: “Why don’t you go sit out back for a minute and maybe have some water? I’m going to go tell [manager] what happened!”

    (I go out back for a minute or two. Suddenly, I hear people yelling and come back in. I see the manager chasing the man who had hit me out of the store and yelling that he was calling the police.)

    Me: “What is going on?”

    Coworker: “Well, I was on my way to speak to [manager] when a customer stopped me. That guy came up behind me and squeezed my left boob! Then he said, ‘Oops…sorry! Thought you were someone else!’ and walked off. I ran up to [manager] and then [coworker #2] came running up and said the same guy had just grabbed him in the crotch and had said the same thing!”

    Me: “Wow! I guess I got off easy!”

    Blocks UV-A, UV-B, And Omega-3

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

    (I am standing at the cash registers when a customer approaches me with two bottles of sunscreen.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could you tell me the difference between these two?”

    (I explain to her they are different brands, different prices, and of different SPF.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay. But is one of them fat free?”

    (Not So) Smooth Counterfeiting

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (I am ringing up a customer when he hands me a 100 dollar bill.)

    Me: “Alright, I just need to check it really quick.”

    (I hold the bill up to the light.)

    Customer: “It’s okay. I just printed it.”

    The Times, They Are A Changing

    | Coral Springs, FL, USA |

    (On the overnight shift we are not allowed to open the safe. To make sure we have cash in our drawers, we put signs on all our debit card readers saying ‘No Cashback’.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $15.97.”

    (The customer hands me a 20 dollar bill, then reads the ‘No Cashback’ sign.)

    Customer: “So, I’m not going to get my change back?”

    Me: “Yes. Yes you are.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Good.”

    Full Time Care(less)

    | Omaha, NE, USA |

    (The following is what I overhear after I let a customer use the store phone.)

    Customer: “Come on, pick up the phone! You in a d*** wheelchair, I know you’re there! I left you upstairs for a reason!”


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