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    (Not The) Scent Of A Woman

    | Newton, NJ, USA |

    (A female customer is looking at the perfume display.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, it says that this smaller bottle of [brand] perfume is the same price as this larger bottle of [brand] perfume. But they are the same product.”

    Me: “Actually, this larger one is men’s cologne and this smaller one is women’s perfume.”

    Customer: “No, no, they’re both for women. You’re looking at the wrong one.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, if you look right here, this larger one says ‘por homme’ on it. That means ‘for men’.”

    Customer: “No, they’re both for women. See how this one is light blue? That means for girls.”

    Me: *giving up* “My mistake, ma’am.”

    (On the bright side, the next time she came in, she smelled like a man.)

    Little White Lies Vs. Big Green Addictions

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am ringing up a customer when her 7-8 year old son notices the scratch and win tickets under the plexiglass counter.)

    Child: “Ooooo! Mom! We can get some lottery!”

    Customer: “No.”

    (He looks longingly at all the bright tickets.)

    Child: “Are you sure? I could win a lot of money.”

    Customer: “No, not today.”

    (The child starts to whine loudly and the customer is obviously getting ticked off at her kid.)

    Me: “Oh, you don’t want those ones. I checked them earlier and they’re all losers.”

    (The customer bursts into laughter. I can see the child’s face working to see if he’s going to believe me or not.)

    Child: “Really? No winners?”

    Me: “Yup, not a single one.”

    Child: “Oh…I guess I don’t need one then.”

    (He runs off to put the shopping cart away.)

    Customer: “Thank you so much!”

    Feel-up On Aisle 5

    | South Paris, ME, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am dusting and organizing a shelf when someone comes up and punches me in the back really hard, twice. So hard, in fact, that the wind is knocked out of me. I turn around and there’s a man I’ve never seen before.)

    Customer: “Oops…sorry! Thought you were someone else!” *walks off*

    (My coworker runs over to me to see what’s going on.)

    Coworker: “Did he just hit you? What was that about?”

    Me: “Yeah…he said he thought I was someone else.”

    Coworker: “Why don’t you go sit out back for a minute and maybe have some water? I’m going to go tell [manager] what happened!”

    (I go out back for a minute or two. Suddenly, I hear people yelling and come back in. I see the manager chasing the man who had hit me out of the store and yelling that he was calling the police.)

    Me: “What is going on?”

    Coworker: “Well, I was on my way to speak to [manager] when a customer stopped me. That guy came up behind me and squeezed my left boob! Then he said, ‘Oops…sorry! Thought you were someone else!’ and walked off. I ran up to [manager] and then [coworker #2] came running up and said the same guy had just grabbed him in the crotch and had said the same thing!”

    Me: “Wow! I guess I got off easy!”

    Blocks UV-A, UV-B, And Omega-3

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

    (I am standing at the cash registers when a customer approaches me with two bottles of sunscreen.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could you tell me the difference between these two?”

    (I explain to her they are different brands, different prices, and of different SPF.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay. But is one of them fat free?”

    (Not So) Smooth Counterfeiting

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (I am ringing up a customer when he hands me a 100 dollar bill.)

    Me: “Alright, I just need to check it really quick.”

    (I hold the bill up to the light.)

    Customer: “It’s okay. I just printed it.”

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