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    Beyond Help

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m at the pharmacy picking up some toothpaste, and I overhear two women standing behind on line.)

    Customer #1: “Uh God, this is so slow.”

    Customer #2: “I know, and I hate these self check-out things. I wish they would have a cashier, a real cashier, just one, for those of us who don’t want to use these things.”

    Me: “Ma’am. They do a have a cashier. She’s right over there. See those people?”

    (I point to the side of the store where a cashier is checking out customers.)

    Customer #2: “I don’t want to walk way over there!”

    Nothing Outlasts The Criticizer

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I want to return these batteries.”

    (She puts an opened pack of batteries on the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, so they didn’t work?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they worked for a few weeks, but now they’e broken. They’re not supposed to expire until 2015!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a ‘best if used by’ date, not an expiration date.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Batteries die. It’s just saying that you should use them before this date, not that they will last for 3 years.”

    Customer: “You mean I have to buy more batteries?!”

    Low On Sense

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Money

    (I am a cashier. When customers are polite, I have no problem letting them slide on few cents when they are short on change.)

    Me: “That’ll be $20.96.”

    Customer: “I got $20!”

    (He roughly slaps a $20 bill on the counter.)

    Me: “Um, it’s $20.96.”

    Customer: “I got a hundred.”

    Me: “Okay, I can break it.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s at my house. What am I supposed to do, go get it?! Just cover it, s***! It’s a couple cents!”

    (I make minimum wage and can barely make ends meet. I also don’t open my wallet for rude strangers.)

    Me: “It’s $0.96, so I’m not going to just give you a dollar. Do you want to put something back?”

    (I start taking items out of his bag to show him what he can put back.)

    Customer: “I need all that stuff!”

    Me: “You need two packs of cigarettes?”

    Customer: “Put the soup back, s***!”

    (I void his soup, ring up the rest of his items, and give him his change.)

    Customer: *as he’s leaving, sarcastically* “Thanks for your hospitality!”

    Me: “You’re welcome! Have a nice day!”

    (After he leaves, my coworker comes over.)

    Coworker: *laughing* “What were you supposed to do, pay him for being an a**hole?”

    They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I am a male. It’s the week of Easter and I’m walking through the store, when suddenly I hear someone scream at me.)

    Customer: “You don’t have any balls, do you?!”

    (I stop in my tracks, shocked. I turn around to see a little old lady.)

    Me: *laughing, embarrassed* “Um, what?”

    Customer: “Little balls!”

    (She shows me how small with her fingers. I stare at her, dumbfounded, jaw-dropped, and shrug.)

    Customer: “You know, the chocolate Easter balls!”

    Me: *erupting in laughter* “Oh, yeah, they’re right this way…”

    Urine A Lot Of Trouble Now

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (A man walks to the counter and sets his item down. I grab the box without looking and scan it.)

    Me: “How you doin’?”

    Customer: “You tell me!”

    (I look down at the box I’m holding. It reads “Urinary Pain Relief”.)


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