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    Some DJs Can Leave You Spinning

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (Every night, the drugstore I work at does a closing announcement 15, 10, and 5 minutes before closing and also one at closing. I’ve just made the 10 minute announcement when a middle-aged man comes up to my register.)

    Customer: “Was that you making that last announcement?”

    Me: “Yes it was. We do a few of them every night.”

    Customer: “You sounded very professional! Are you going to do more of them?”

    Me: “Thank you, and yes. I’m going to do the five minute announcement shortly.”

    Customer: *very excited* “Can I do it?!”

    Me: “Uhh… well, I don’t think so. We have to do it at just the right time and we follow a script that I have memorized.”

    Customer: “Aww, man!”

    (I finish the customer’s transaction and everything seems fine. He walks away a few steps and starts messing with his wallet. I pick up the speakerphone to make the next announcement, but just as I start to talk, the man grabs the phone from me. As he does so, he slams it into my face and gives me a bloody lip in the process.)

    Customer: “HEY EVERYBODY! THIS IS DJ SEXY! IT’S THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT AGAIN!”

    (I’m completely shocked and try to get it back from the customer. However, he keeps ducking and moving so I hit the hangup button instead. By that point, the manager has come running up to us. The customer sees my manager, drops the phone, and runs out of the store.)

    Manager: “What in the h*** is going on?! Why did you let him do that?!”

    (Note that as my manager questions me, I’m dabbing my bloody mouth with a tissue.)

    Me: “Let him?! He grabbed it from me and hurt me in the process! That guy was crazy!”

    Manager: “Well… you should be more careful!” *walks off*

    (I tried to file an accident report with the store and asked the manager to call the police so that there would be a record of the event in case the guy came back. He refused to do either, so I quit that night!)

    This Happens With Alarming Regularity

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I finish a transaction for a customer and hand him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you! Have a nice day!”

    Customer: *eats receipt*

    Me: *stares, speechless*

    Customer: “It’s a good source of fiber!”

    Don’t Fake With Me

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (I work at a drugstore. When someone comes in with a fake ID, we can refuse to sell to them, but we can’t actually confiscate the fake. A teenage girl walks up to the counter.)

    Teenage Customer: “Just this, please.”

    (She puts a pack of Budweiser on the counter.)

    Me: “May I see your ID?”

    (She hands me an ID that is obviously fake; the state is spelled wrong.)

    Me: “What year did you graduate high school?”

    Teenage Customer: “Um…”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell to you.”

    Teenage Customer: “F*** you, you little ****! Just give me the f***ing beer!”

    Me: *deep breath* “Listen. I have had a very, VERY bad day. You can leave quietly and take your fake along, or I can call call the police and they’ll come arrest you. Which would you prefer?”

    Teenage Customer: *turns red, grabs her fake and runs out of the store*

    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 3

    | Florida, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I used to work at this drugstore store before I left to have my child; note that the bathrooms have a lock on them to avoid theft. This take place almost two years after I’ve gone. I’ve stopped in to have lunch with a former coworker, and have my daughter in a stroller when a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “You! I need to be let into the bathroom.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay…”

    Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to let me in?!”

    Me: “I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I’ve seen you here before!”

    Me: “Well, I used to work here, but that was almost two years ago.”

    Customer: “So, are you going to let me in?”

    Me: “I can’t. I don’t know the code.”

    Customer: “But you work here!”

    Me: “Sir, no I don’t. I haven’t worked here in almost two years. They change the codes every six months.”

    Customer: “You’re just being lazy and don’t want to work!”

    Me: “Why would I be at work with my kid?”

    Customer: “Don’t play games with me. Just open the d*** door!”

    (At this point, an assistant manager who I know walks over.)

    Assistant Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes! This lazy b**** won’t do her d*** job and open the bathroom up!”

    Assistant Manager: “She doesn’t work here, and you need to watch how you speak to people.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Assistant Manager: “Now I have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT!”

    Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I can. The bathroom is for paying customers only.”

    Customer: “Then I’ll buy something!”

    Assistant Manager: “That ship has sailed. I suggest you go next door to the fast food restaurant.”

    Customer: “I’LL SUE YOU!”

    Me: “For what exactly? Badgering another customer because you have some delusion that we are keeping the bathroom all to ourselves?”

    Customer:“You can’t talk to me like that! I DEMAND she be fired!”

    Assistant Manager: “You want me to fire someone who doesn’t work here?”

    Customer: “WHY WON’T ANY OF YOU DO YOUR JOBS?!” *runs out of the store, screaming about the bathroom*

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2
    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

    Good News For A Change, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Awesome Customers

    (It’s a very busy day at our drugstore. A customer comes to my register after waiting a very long time in line.)

    Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager immediately!”

    Me: “Is there something I could help you with?”

    Customer: “No, I want to speak with your manager now!”

    (I page the manager, and mentally prepare myself for whatever argument this customer is about to unleash.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I need to tell you… I was in here yesterday and this man was just screaming at your employees. Nothing would stop him, he was so angry! They were all trying to be so helpful and he just kept screaming! You should be incredibly proud of your employees! They handled themselves so well and never once argued back!”

    (She put a smile on all of our faces. When her transaction was finished, she told me to keep the change!)

    Related:
    Good News For (A Heckuva Lot Of) Change

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