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    Discussing Green Cards Until You’re Red In The Face

    | MI, USA |

    (I work in a drug store as a photo tech. Part of my job is taking passport photos. I take the photo then run it through a software program to ensure it meets standards for a passport photo. I have no leeway on the size of the photo. I cannot make it smaller or larger.)

    Customer: “I need a Green Card photo.”

    Me: “I can’t do Green Card photos.”

    Customer: “But I need a Green Card photo.”

    (He speaks pretty decent English, and his accompanying wife speaks flawless English.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not even sure where you would go for that. It needs to be taken in a very specific way and I don’t have the software to do a Green Card photo.”

    Customer: “Just take the photo!”

    Me: “I can take a passport photo for you, but it won’t be the right size.”

    Customer: “Take the photo!”

    Me: “I’ll take a passport photo for you, but it won’t be what you need.”

    (The customer speaks to his wife in their native language.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Shut up, she knows what she’s doing.”

    Me: “I actually don’t, because we don’t do Green Card photos and I assure you, this is not going to be what you need. This photo will be too large to use.”

    Customer’s Wife: “You’ll do fine, dear.”

    (I take the photo, explain to them again it will not be what they need. At their insistence, I process the photo and tell them as it develops it will not be what they need. I hand the finished product over.)

    Customer: “It’s not the right size!”

    Me:” I know. I do not have the capability to do a proper Green Card photo. This is the smallest photo I can make for you.”

    Customer: “It’s too big!” *brandishes credit card at me, mistaking it for Green Card* “This size, this size!”

    (I decide to make one last attempt at explaining this before I call my manager, who I love but I know is having a bad day.)

    Me: “I do not have Green Card specification software. The only identification photos I can take accurately are passport photos. My computer is not capable of making a Green Card photo.”

    Customer: *pauses* “Well, why the h*** didn’t you just tell me that?!”

    Me: “I did, love. Five separate times. Have a great day, folks!”

    Your Urgency Is Not My Emergency, Part 2

    | Kittery, ME, USA | At The Checkout

    (It is approximately five minutes past closing time at our drugstore. While my manager and I are counting the cash drawers, a man begins frantically banging on the doors and yelling at us.)

    Customer: “Why are your doors locked?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re closed for the evening. We close at 9 and it is now almost 10 minutes past.”

    Customer: “But I just need one thing! It’s an emergency!”

    (I look over at my manager who sighs and nods. He puts one of the cash drawers back into the register while I unlock the door and let the man in.)

    Customer: “You’re lucky you decided to unlock that door! I was about to break it down!”

    Me: “What is it that you need? I can help you find—”

    (The man pushes past me. After waiting for a few minutes, my manager is fed up.)

    Manager: *yells toward the back of the store* “Sir? What is it that you need? Sir?”

    (There’s no response from the customer, so my manager starts to head back to find him. They nearly collide at the end of an aisle.)

    Customer: “Hey, watch it! I got what I need. Why are you so impatient?”

    Manager: “Because we are supposed to be on our way home by now! My children are waiting for me to read them a bedtime story. Please pay for your items and be mindful of the store hours from now on.”

    Customer: “Don’t talk to me like that! I’m a paying customer!”

    (The man comes up to my register and drops his items on the counter: a bottle of personal lubricant, a bag of chips, and a bottle of wine. The customer pays and leaves. My manager is fuming.)

    Manager: “THAT WAS THE BIG EMERGENCY?!”

    Related:
    Your Urgency Is Not My Emergency

    Rage Before Beauty, Part 2

    | Maine, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    (A customer in her late 60s walks up with her granddaughter, who is probably 18-20 in age.)

    Customer: “I want to return this crap!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No, but you’d better take it back!”

    (I page a manager to approve a no-receipt return. It gets approved and we explain it’ll have to go on a store gift card. The customer is still angry, but the granddaughter helps us calm her down.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, here’s your gift card. There’s $24.83 on it.”

    (The customer snatches the card from my hands. Meanwhile, she watches the POS terminal like a hawk to see how things add up.)

    Customer: “NO, NO, NO! That was buy one, get one free!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am let me have someone check…”

    (As I page for someone on the floor to price check, I see a line of angry people forming behind her. We’re an insanely busy store in the summer, and it’s been a good ten minutes by this point. My coworker returns from checking the price.)

    Coworker: “It has no tag, or none near it. Where did you see buy one, get one free, ma’am?”

    Customer: “A couple weeks ago!  It was buy one, get one free!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t price modify for a sale a couple weeks old.”

    Customer: “You can and you will. Let me speak to your manager!”

    (I page the manager again, and they approve the modification while giving me a “Get this crazy customer out of our store” look).

    Me: “Alright ma’am, I’ve run your gift card. That leaves $10.21 remaining on your total.”

    Customer: “I should get it free for all the hassle you people put me through here!”

    (The customer throws a 20 at me. I make change and she storms off, with the total transaction time about 16 minutes. Next up is her granddaughter, who is calm and polite. She puts her nail polish on the counter and I ring her up. Whole transaction time? 20 seconds.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer’s Granddaughter: “You too!”

    Customer: *to her granddaughter* “Danielle, are you FINALLY done?! What took you so long?! I swear, you young people are SO inconsiderate, like that idiot behind the counter!”

    Related:
    Rage Before Beauty

    Some DJs Can Leave You Spinning

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (Every night, the drugstore I work at does a closing announcement 15, 10, and 5 minutes before closing and also one at closing. I’ve just made the 10 minute announcement when a middle-aged man comes up to my register.)

    Customer: “Was that you making that last announcement?”

    Me: “Yes it was. We do a few of them every night.”

    Customer: “You sounded very professional! Are you going to do more of them?”

    Me: “Thank you, and yes. I’m going to do the five minute announcement shortly.”

    Customer: *very excited* “Can I do it?!”

    Me: “Uhh… well, I don’t think so. We have to do it at just the right time and we follow a script that I have memorized.”

    Customer: “Aww, man!”

    (I finish the customer’s transaction and everything seems fine. He walks away a few steps and starts messing with his wallet. I pick up the speakerphone to make the next announcement, but just as I start to talk, the man grabs the phone from me. As he does so, he slams it into my face and gives me a bloody lip in the process.)

    Customer: “HEY EVERYBODY! THIS IS DJ SEXY! IT’S THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT AGAIN!”

    (I’m completely shocked and try to get it back from the customer. However, he keeps ducking and moving so I hit the hangup button instead. By that point, the manager has come running up to us. The customer sees my manager, drops the phone, and runs out of the store.)

    Manager: “What in the h*** is going on?! Why did you let him do that?!”

    (Note that as my manager questions me, I’m dabbing my bloody mouth with a tissue.)

    Me: “Let him?! He grabbed it from me and hurt me in the process! That guy was crazy!”

    Manager: “Well… you should be more careful!” *walks off*

    (I tried to file an accident report with the store and asked the manager to call the police so that there would be a record of the event in case the guy came back. He refused to do either, so I quit that night!)

    This Happens With Alarming Regularity

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I finish a transaction for a customer and hand him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you! Have a nice day!”

    Customer: *eats receipt*

    Me: *stares, speechless*

    Customer: “It’s a good source of fiber!”


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