October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Phrase Of The Day: Obesity Epidemic

, | Montreal, QC, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell baby mayonnaise?”

Me: “… no. Seriously, I don’t think it even exists.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

We Can Also Give It Lots Of Benadryl

| Ames, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(Our new drugstore was assigned a phone number that had previously belonged to the animal shelter. We ALWAYS answered the phone with our store name and hours, but people don’t always listen. This became annoying, but one of my coworkers liked to have fun with it.)

Caller: “Uh, yeah. I have this raccoon in my backyard.”

Bill: “Hmm…that’s nice.”

Caller: “Yeah, well it seems to be acting strangely…like it’s crazy.”

Bill: “What do you want ME to do about it?”

Caller: “Well, you should do your job and come out and get rid of it! Isn’t that why I pay my taxes?”

Bill: “Okay then. Give me your address.”

Caller: *gives out address*

Bill: “Alright, after I close the drugstore I’ll be over with my shotgun around midnight. There will be a loud noise, so warn your neighbors. Since I don’t work for your taxes, just tape a $20 bill inside your mailbox, more if you want a fancy burial. Have a nice day!” *click*

There Is No Spoon

| Orlando, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I was called back by the pharmacist to assist with a verbally abusive customer. The more the lady yelled, the louder her kid cried. None of the other customers in line behind her could get to the register. )

Me: “How may I help you?”

Lady: “It’s about time you got back here to straighten this out! This s**thead won’t give me a medicine spoon!”

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, I’ve tried to explain that we are all out of the complimentary spoons.”

Lady: “If my daughter ends up getting an overdose of her medicine, I’m going to sue you!”

(I rolled my eyes and walked over to a display of dosing spoons, selecting one we sell for 99 cents.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry we don’t have any of the free ones. Let me buy this one for you.”

Lady: “What? Do I look like a welfare mother to you? I don’t need your f**king charity!”

Pharmacist: “You don’t need the spoon either. Those are chewable tablets…”

Thank You, Dr. Frankenstein

| Orlando, FL, USA | Top

(I was helping a regular customer who had wandered in–as he did daily–from the nursing home across the street.)

Old Man: “You’re working again?”

Me: “Yes, every day.”

Old Man: “You know what? Every time I see you, there’s a big smile on your face.”

Me: “What can I say, I love my job.”

Old Man: “Yes, you have a wonderful smile. You’ll make a good looking corpse.”

Me: “…”

(He got a wide berth after that.)


| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Top

(We’re selling tons of over-the-counter, store-brand medications at buy one, get one free. I ring up a lady who has two bottles of cough syrup with her. She keeps a stern eye on the cash register monitor as I check them through.)

Lady: “That’s not right.”

Me: “What isn’t?”

Lady: “The coupon says buy one at $6.99, get the other one free.”

Me: “Precisely. You’re getting both of these for $6.99.”

Lady: “But one’s ringing up as $3.50 and the other at $3.49.”

Me: “That’s correct. The register divides these differences automatically.”

Lady, growing fidgety: “But that’s not what the COUPON says.”

Me: *after a pause* “Well, $3.50 plus $3.49 is $6.99.”

Lady: “So this is how you scam customers!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty certain that we here at [drugstore chain] do not scam our customers when even basic math can rule out any differences.”

Lady: “I only want one. Put this other one back, I don’t want it. I’m not paying an extra $3.49 for this. The ad said buy one, get one free, and I’m not getting that one for free.”

Me: *head-desk*

This Is Why Math Is Your Friend

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