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    Picking The Wrong Employee To Mess With

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Uncategorized

    (I had a severe headache from having been locked in the store overnight while the floor was being stripped. The store opened on time and the manager arrived in street clothes to help move displays back to the tile.)

    Old Lady: “Do you want to look in my shopping bag?

    Me: “No, ma’am, you’re fine.”

    Old Lady: “LOOK IN MY BAG!”

    Me: “I don’t need to.”

    (The old lady comes over, opens it, and shoves it in my face.)

    Me: “Okay, then…”

    (I peeked in the bag and saw her groceries from another store.)

    Old Lady: “What the h*** do you think you are doing? I’m not a thief! Where do you get off doing something like that! Just because I am old doesn’t make me a thief!”

    Me: “What? Where do you get off coming in here and raising your voice at me?”

    Store Manager: *quiet*

    Old Lady: “There was no reason to look in my bag!”

    Me: “I don’t know what your problem is, but you are going to take it with you and leave this store right now!”

    Store Manager: *still quiet*

    Old Lady: “You had no right to look in my bag!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you demanded I look in that bag. Even the store manager heard you do it. I’m in no mood for your paranoid games. If you ever come back in here and treat any of my employees the way you have just treated me, I’ll escort you through that door so fast you’ll get whiplash.”

    Old Lady: *huffs out*

    Store Manager: “A little tired, are we buddy?”

    Phrase Of The Day: Obesity Epidemic

    , | Montreal, QC, Canada | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you sell baby mayonnaise?”

    Me: “… no. Seriously, I don’t think it even exists.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    We Can Also Give It Lots Of Benadryl

    | Ames, IA, USA | Uncategorized

    (Our new drugstore was assigned a phone number that had previously belonged to the animal shelter. We ALWAYS answered the phone with our store name and hours, but people don’t always listen. This became annoying, but one of my coworkers liked to have fun with it.)

    Caller: “Uh, yeah. I have this raccoon in my backyard.”

    Bill: “Hmm…that’s nice.”

    Caller: “Yeah, well it seems to be acting strangely…like it’s crazy.”

    Bill: “What do you want ME to do about it?”

    Caller: “Well, you should do your job and come out and get rid of it! Isn’t that why I pay my taxes?”

    Bill: “Okay then. Give me your address.”

    Caller: *gives out address*

    Bill: “Alright, after I close the drugstore I’ll be over with my shotgun around midnight. There will be a loud noise, so warn your neighbors. Since I don’t work for your taxes, just tape a $20 bill inside your mailbox, more if you want a fancy burial. Have a nice day!” *click*

    There Is No Spoon

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    (I was called back by the pharmacist to assist with a verbally abusive customer. The more the lady yelled, the louder her kid cried. None of the other customers in line behind her could get to the register. )

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Lady: “It’s about time you got back here to straighten this out! This s**thead won’t give me a medicine spoon!”

    Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, I’ve tried to explain that we are all out of the complimentary spoons.”

    Lady: “If my daughter ends up getting an overdose of her medicine, I’m going to sue you!”

    (I rolled my eyes and walked over to a display of dosing spoons, selecting one we sell for 99 cents.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry we don’t have any of the free ones. Let me buy this one for you.”

    Lady: “What? Do I look like a welfare mother to you? I don’t need your f**king charity!”

    Pharmacist: “You don’t need the spoon either. Those are chewable tablets…”

    Thank You, Dr. Frankenstein

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Top

    (I was helping a regular customer who had wandered in–as he did daily–from the nursing home across the street.)

    Old Man: “You’re working again?”

    Me: “Yes, every day.”

    Old Man: “You know what? Every time I see you, there’s a big smile on your face.”

    Me: “What can I say, I love my job.”

    Old Man: “Yes, you have a wonderful smile. You’ll make a good looking corpse.”

    Me: “…”

    (He got a wide berth after that.)