November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Probably Wears Diapers

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me… HEY! Excuse me.”

Me: “How may I help you sir?”

Customer: “I need you to find a battery for my Timex.”

Me: “You are standing next to our entire selection. If it isn’t there, we don’t have it.”

Customer: “How do I know which one it is?”

Me: “Didn’t you bring the watch with you?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Well, sometimes it is stamped on the back cover.”

Customer: “I can’t decipher this. Can you open the watch and check?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t offer that service.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean, we don’t offer that service. I have neither the tools nor the training to work on your watch.”

Customer: “But you sell the batteries!”

Me: “Yes, we do. I’ll gladly help check that you are buying the right one, but I won’t work on your watch.”

Customer: “But you sell the batteries! You HAVE to put it in for me!”

Me: “Sir, I could also sell you toilet paper, but you would still have to do the wiping yourself…”

You Can Lead A Horse To Water, Part 2

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(The store in question was very small: eight aisles, total, in a nice, easy-to-see square configuration.)

Customer: “Where are your batteries?”

Me: “Aisle 3.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Aisle 3…” ¬†*points* “… just behind you.”

Customer: “Oh. Which one is aisle three?”

Me: “The one with the ‘3’ on it, sir. ¬†In between aisles two and four.”

Customer: “Thanks!” *wanders off into aisle 2*

Boss: “Don’t do that again.”

Some Questions Should Never Be Answered

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, before your photos were printed the technician noticed that they have a *ahem* content which we cannot print.”

Customer: “This is because I was nude, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well, that wasn’t the deciding factor in itself.”

Customer: “Are you saying that there is something wrong with the human body? That it is obscene?”

Me: “No, I cannot comment on that. But the use of certain… toys… in your photography did cross our line.”

Customer: “Well? What are you going to do for me?”

Me: “While I am forbidden to make and sell you the photos, the negatives are still yours. You can have them once you pay the processing fee.”

Customer: “Hmmmpph! Well, you can at least tell me how I looked!”

I Just Called To Say I Hate You

| Hammond, LA, USA | Uncategorized

(This conversation happened a week after Hurricane Katrina; the store was understaffed, we had more customers than we could handle, and prescriptions were taking 4-6 days to get filled. I also had a long line at the front of the store and was the only cashier up front.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how may I help you today?”

Customer: “I just want to let you know how angry I am right now.”

Me: “Well, what is the problem, ma’am? ”

Customer: “I brought a prescription in four days ago and it still isn’t ready.”

Me: “Ok, well hold on while I transfer your call to our pharmacy.”

Customer: “No! I already spoke with them and they said there was nothing they could do right now.”

Me: “Alright ma’am, well I can transfer you to one of my managers.”

Customer: “I don’t want to talk to them, I just want to let y’all know how angry I am right now.”

Me: “Look, I understand, would you like me to transfer you to a manager or the pharmacy?”

Customer: “I already told you no! I just want to let you know how mad I am right now and that I will not be shopping in your store again.”

Me: “Look lady, they pay me $6.00 an hour. I honestly don’t care, but I will be more than happy to transfer you to someone who might! I am the only cashier and have a very long line, I don’t have time for this!”

Customer: “I just called to tell you–”

Me: *click*

Full Of Sound And Fury, Signifying Nothing

| Cottage Grove, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(It was in between Halloween and Christmas and we were changing the promotional aisle and switching stuff out. ¬†There was literally nothing in the aisle but folded down cardboard boxes, and signs were up saying “temporary out of order”.)

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Okay, is everything alright?”

Customer: “No, I was walking down the aisle with cardboard and I fell. I am blaming you!”

Me: “I didn’t make you walk down the aisle… didn’t you see the sign?”

Customer: “I needed something down that aisle! I am going to have you fired for your rude attitude!”

(I call the manager on the PA system.)

Customer: “You’re going to be in trouble!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I fell down in the aisle with cardboard boxes. It’s all this kid’s fault.”

Manager: “You shouldn’t have walked down the aisle, then. I suggest you leave before I call the police for harassing one of my employees.”

Customer: *faking she’s in pain* “I don’t believe this! I am going to call the corporate office!”

Manager: “Right after I call the police.” *walks away to “call the police”*

Me: “You got him mad. He is a mean one when he is mad.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Oh yeah!”

Customer: ‘Um… I have to get my cell phone out of the car.” *leaves quickly*

(She never returned.)