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    Full Of Sound And Fury, Signifying Nothing

    | Cottage Grove, MN, USA |

    (It was in between Halloween and Christmas and we were changing the promotional aisle and switching stuff out. ¬†There was literally nothing in the aisle but folded down cardboard boxes, and signs were up saying “temporary out of order”.)

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Okay, is everything alright?”

    Customer: “No, I was walking down the aisle with cardboard and I fell. I am blaming you!”

    Me: “I didn’t make you walk down the aisle… didn’t you see the sign?”

    Customer: “I needed something down that aisle! I am going to have you fired for your rude attitude!”

    (I call the manager on the PA system.)

    Customer: “You’re going to be in trouble!”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I fell down in the aisle with cardboard boxes. It’s all this kid’s fault.”

    Manager: “You shouldn’t have walked down the aisle, then. I suggest you leave before I call the police for harassing one of my employees.”

    Customer: *faking she’s in pain* “I don’t believe this! I am going to call the corporate office!”

    Manager: “Right after I call the police.” *walks away to “call the police”*

    Me: “You got him mad. He is a mean one when he is mad.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “Oh yeah!”

    Customer: ‘Um… I have to get my cell phone out of the car.” *leaves quickly*

    (She never returned.)

    Picking The Wrong Employee To Mess With

    | St. Paul, MN, USA |

    (I had a severe headache from having been locked in the store overnight while the floor was being stripped. The store opened on time and the manager arrived in street clothes to help move displays back to the tile.)

    Old Lady: “Do you want to look in my shopping bag?

    Me: “No, ma’am, you’re fine.”

    Old Lady: “LOOK IN MY BAG!”

    Me: “I don’t need to.”

    (The old lady comes over, opens it, and shoves it in my face.)

    Me: “Okay, then…”

    (I peeked in the bag and saw her groceries from another store.)

    Old Lady: “What the h*** do you think you are doing? I’m not a thief! Where do you get off doing something like that! Just because I am old doesn’t make me a thief!”

    Me: “What? Where do you get off coming in here and raising your voice at me?”

    Store Manager: *quiet*

    Old Lady: “There was no reason to look in my bag!”

    Me: “I don’t know what your problem is, but you are going to take it with you and leave this store right now!”

    Store Manager: *still quiet*

    Old Lady: “You had no right to look in my bag!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you demanded I look in that bag. Even the store manager heard you do it. I’m in no mood for your paranoid games. If you ever come back in here and treat any of my employees the way you have just treated me, I’ll escort you through that door so fast you’ll get whiplash.”

    Old Lady: *huffs out*

    Store Manager: “A little tired, are we buddy?”

    Phrase Of The Day: Obesity Epidemic

    , | Montreal, QC, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you sell baby mayonnaise?”

    Me: “… no. Seriously, I don’t think it even exists.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    We Can Also Give It Lots Of Benadryl

    | Ames, IA, USA |

    (Our new drugstore was assigned a phone number that had previously belonged to the animal shelter. We ALWAYS answered the phone with our store name and hours, but people don’t always listen. This became annoying, but one of my coworkers liked to have fun with it.)

    Caller: “Uh, yeah. I have this raccoon in my backyard.”

    Bill: “Hmm…that’s nice.”

    Caller: “Yeah, well it seems to be acting strangely…like it’s crazy.”

    Bill: “What do you want ME to do about it?”

    Caller: “Well, you should do your job and come out and get rid of it! Isn’t that why I pay my taxes?”

    Bill: “Okay then. Give me your address.”

    Caller: *gives out address*

    Bill: “Alright, after I close the drugstore I’ll be over with my shotgun around midnight. There will be a loud noise, so warn your neighbors. Since I don’t work for your taxes, just tape a $20 bill inside your mailbox, more if you want a fancy burial. Have a nice day!” *click*

    There Is No Spoon

    | Orlando, FL, USA |

    (I was called back by the pharmacist to assist with a verbally abusive customer. The more the lady yelled, the louder her kid cried. None of the other customers in line behind her could get to the register. )

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Lady: “It’s about time you got back here to straighten this out! This s**thead won’t give me a medicine spoon!”

    Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, I’ve tried to explain that we are all out of the complimentary spoons.”

    Lady: “If my daughter ends up getting an overdose of her medicine, I’m going to sue you!”

    (I rolled my eyes and walked over to a display of dosing spoons, selecting one we sell for 99 cents.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry we don’t have any of the free ones. Let me buy this one for you.”

    Lady: “What? Do I look like a welfare mother to you? I don’t need your f**king charity!”

    Pharmacist: “You don’t need the spoon either. Those are chewable tablets…”

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