I Just Called To Say I Hate You

| Hammond, LA, USA | Uncategorized

(This conversation happened a week after Hurricane Katrina; the store was understaffed, we had more customers than we could handle, and prescriptions were taking 4-6 days to get filled. I also had a long line at the front of the store and was the only cashier up front.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how may I help you today?”

Customer: “I just want to let you know how angry I am right now.”

Me: “Well, what is the problem, ma’am? ”

Customer: “I brought a prescription in four days ago and it still isn’t ready.”

Me: “Ok, well hold on while I transfer your call to our pharmacy.”

Customer: “No! I already spoke with them and they said there was nothing they could do right now.”

Me: “Alright ma’am, well I can transfer you to one of my managers.”

Customer: “I don’t want to talk to them, I just want to let y’all know how angry I am right now.”

Me: “Look, I understand, would you like me to transfer you to a manager or the pharmacy?”

Customer: “I already told you no! I just want to let you know how mad I am right now and that I will not be shopping in your store again.”

Me: “Look lady, they pay me $6.00 an hour. I honestly don’t care, but I will be more than happy to transfer you to someone who might! I am the only cashier and have a very long line, I don’t have time for this!”

Customer: “I just called to tell you–”

Me: *click*

Full Of Sound And Fury, Signifying Nothing

| Cottage Grove, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(It was in between Halloween and Christmas and we were changing the promotional aisle and switching stuff out. ¬†There was literally nothing in the aisle but folded down cardboard boxes, and signs were up saying “temporary out of order”.)

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Okay, is everything alright?”

Customer: “No, I was walking down the aisle with cardboard and I fell. I am blaming you!”

Me: “I didn’t make you walk down the aisle… didn’t you see the sign?”

Customer: “I needed something down that aisle! I am going to have you fired for your rude attitude!”

(I call the manager on the PA system.)

Customer: “You’re going to be in trouble!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I fell down in the aisle with cardboard boxes. It’s all this kid’s fault.”

Manager: “You shouldn’t have walked down the aisle, then. I suggest you leave before I call the police for harassing one of my employees.”

Customer: *faking she’s in pain* “I don’t believe this! I am going to call the corporate office!”

Manager: “Right after I call the police.” *walks away to “call the police”*

Me: “You got him mad. He is a mean one when he is mad.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Oh yeah!”

Customer: ‘Um… I have to get my cell phone out of the car.” *leaves quickly*

(She never returned.)

Picking The Wrong Employee To Mess With

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I had a severe headache from having been locked in the store overnight while the floor was being stripped. The store opened on time and the manager arrived in street clothes to help move displays back to the tile.)

Old Lady: “Do you want to look in my shopping bag?

Me: “No, ma’am, you’re fine.”

Old Lady: “LOOK IN MY BAG!”

Me: “I don’t need to.”

(The old lady comes over, opens it, and shoves it in my face.)

Me: “Okay, then…”

(I peeked in the bag and saw her groceries from another store.)

Old Lady: “What the h*** do you think you are doing? I’m not a thief! Where do you get off doing something like that! Just because I am old doesn’t make me a thief!”

Me: “What? Where do you get off coming in here and raising your voice at me?”

Store Manager: *quiet*

Old Lady: “There was no reason to look in my bag!”

Me: “I don’t know what your problem is, but you are going to take it with you and leave this store right now!”

Store Manager: *still quiet*

Old Lady: “You had no right to look in my bag!”

Me: “Ma’am, you demanded I look in that bag. Even the store manager heard you do it. I’m in no mood for your paranoid games. If you ever come back in here and treat any of my employees the way you have just treated me, I’ll escort you through that door so fast you’ll get whiplash.”

Old Lady: *huffs out*

Store Manager: “A little tired, are we buddy?”

Phrase Of The Day: Obesity Epidemic

, | Montreal, QC, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you sell baby mayonnaise?”

Me: “… no. Seriously, I don’t think it even exists.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

We Can Also Give It Lots Of Benadryl

| Ames, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(Our new drugstore was assigned a phone number that had previously belonged to the animal shelter. We ALWAYS answered the phone with our store name and hours, but people don’t always listen. This became annoying, but one of my coworkers liked to have fun with it.)

Caller: “Uh, yeah. I have this raccoon in my backyard.”

Bill: “Hmm…that’s nice.”

Caller: “Yeah, well it seems to be acting strangely…like it’s crazy.”

Bill: “What do you want ME to do about it?”

Caller: “Well, you should do your job and come out and get rid of it! Isn’t that why I pay my taxes?”

Bill: “Okay then. Give me your address.”

Caller: *gives out address*

Bill: “Alright, after I close the drugstore I’ll be over with my shotgun around midnight. There will be a loud noise, so warn your neighbors. Since I don’t work for your taxes, just tape a $20 bill inside your mailbox, more if you want a fancy burial. Have a nice day!” *click*

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