(I’m working at a retail drug store that has a photo kiosk available for customers to come in and print photos from their phone. I am ringing up a line of customers when another customer calls me from the kiosk, yelling across the store.)

Customer: “Can I get some help, please?!”

Me: “Absolutely, ma’am. I’ll call up my manager, since I’m the only cashier today.”

Customer: *scoffs*

(I call up my manager, and can hear her trying to help the lady from several feet away.)

Manager: “Just plug your phone into the cords we have provided. That’s the simplest and fastest way to do this.”

Customer: “No! You’re going to steal all my information from my phone! I want to do this wirelessly!”

Manager: “Okay… the best way to do that is to do it as an online order, which may take up to an hour. We will be watching the kiosks, so as soon as the order comes through, we can print it instantly. However, as I said, it may take up to an hour for the order to come through. I highly recommend you plug the phone in, instead, as that will be much quicker.”

Customer: “I’m not using your cords. You’re trying to steal my credit card information! I’ll just do it as an online order.”

(The customer proceeds to put in an online order with her phone. Ten minutes later, her order has not yet come through, despite both my manager and I checking the kiosk repeatedly. My manager goes to the bathroom and is gone for a total of one minute and thirty seconds. During that time, the customer brings her four-year-old daughter up to me and screams:)

Customer: “If and when those photos finally come in, you can throw them out. I’m taking my business somewhere else. I’ve been waiting for these photos for thirty minutes! This is absolutely ridiculous! That [racial slur] of a manager promised me that they would be ready instantly. I’m leaving and never coming back!”

Me: “Ma’am, I heard her tell you that it could take up to an hour, and I heard you agree to this. Are you sure I can’t take a phone number and call you when they’re ready?”

Customer: “No! Throw them out. I’m going elsewhere.”

(As they are leaving her daughter turns around and says:)

Daughter: “We’re going to [Direct Competitor].”

(Her photos were ready seconds after she left. There were over 300 photos and we had to just throw them away.)

(I’m in a store I don’t technically work for, but I am counting their inventory. I’m near the candy aisle. Customers love to think that I actually work for the store, and since I know certain aspects well, I will generally help them out.)

Customer: “You guys don’t have malted milk balls here?”

Me: “If you look, there’s either Maltesers or Whoppers in this aisle.” *thinking: they are essentially malted milk balls, just with brand names*

Customer: *is not having what I just suggested* “Nope, nope. You guys don’t have malted milk balls, and they are so good.”

(Well, you can’t help everyone.)

(I am ringing up a customer’s purchase: candy, and some cold medicine.)

Customer: “Oh, you didn’t scan this yet.” *offers me a coupon*

Me: *scans the coupon without looking, then glances at it* “Oh, this is for nuts. You didn’t get any, so the computer won’t take it off.”

Customer: “Then why is it showing up on your screen?”

Me: “The computer does that, but it says, ‘Pending Validation.’ Since you didn’t get the item, it won’t take it off.”

(I total the purchase and show her the red notification saying it won’t take the coupon.)

Customer: “But you can validate it, can’t you?”

Me: “No, sorry, I can’t. The computer won’t let me.”

Customer: “But I got nuts, look!” *shows me a bag of peanut M&Ms* “Nuts!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Where is your manager?”

(I am going shopping before work, to get an iced tea. I am in my scrubs; I work at a veterinary hospital.)

Sales Clerk: “Oh, we’re having a promotion; if you sign up, you can get discounts on makeup purchases.”

Me: *tired* “Oh, no, thanks. I never wear makeup; it just gets licked off.”

Sales Clerk: *pause* “I hope you work at a veterinary hospital.”

Me: *pause, eyes widen* “Oh! Oh. Yes. Sorry! That came out wrong!”

(She thanked me for making her laugh, but I still feel incredibly awkward!)

(I work at a popular drug store. I answer the phone one evening.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do y’all sell ball deodorant?”

Me: “Oh! You mean the roll-on kind?”

Customer: “No! Deodorant for your balls.”

Me: “Um… No, ma’am. We don’t.”

Customer: “This is bulls***!”