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    What A Lady, What A Night

    | New Port Richey, FL, USA | Top

    (I’m standing in line and overhear this conversation between a beautiful middle aged woman and the photo clerk.)

    Clerk: “… unfortunately, we are unable to print all of your photos. Some of them are in violation of a our content policy.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. All I took pictures of was a trip to Busch Gardens and then my son’s birthday party. What could be so inappropriate?”

    Clerk: “Were you at some point singing karaoke?”

    (The customers face goes from confusion, to understanding, to embarrassment, and finally to barely controlled rage.)

    Customer: “I will be right back.”

    (The customer goes down the aisle and begins grabbing a few additional items.)

    Clerk, to me: “She was naked. Pretty hot for an older lady.”

    (The customer returns with her new items and makes a phone call while the clerk processes the transaction.)

    Customer: *sweetly on the phone* “Oh, honey, you have been working so hard and have been so good to me. I am making you an amazing dinner. Can you pick up some makings for some cocktails on the way home? I am going to give you a night you will never forget! Love you, bye!”

    (As she says this, I notice the new items she’s buying: a sports drink, anti-diarrhea medicine, and a giant bottle of contact lens solution–the latter of which can give people diarrhea. The clerk finishes the transaction and the customer gives us the most evil grin right before she walks out.)

    Clerk: “Hopefully, she won’t let him suffer too long…”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Foldering The Blame

    , | Orlando, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, where are the red pocket folders? I don’t see them here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out of that color.”

    Customer: “Well, my son HAS to have one for his class.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out. We may have more on Saturday.”

    Customer: “What do you mean by ‘may have?’ Don’t you know?”

    Me: “Well, they come to us in assorted colors. We don’t have a choice of what we receive.”

    Customer: “My son has been getting an ‘F’ every day from his teacher for the past week! He will keep getting an ‘F’ until he brings one in!”

    Me: “Have you tried the office supply store across the street?”

    Customer: “Is this how you treat your customers? It will be YOUR fault when he flunks out for this!”

    Probably Wears Diapers

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me… HEY! Excuse me.”

    Me: “How may I help you sir?”

    Customer: “I need you to find a battery for my Timex.”

    Me: “You are standing next to our entire selection. If it isn’t there, we don’t have it.”

    Customer: “How do I know which one it is?”

    Me: “Didn’t you bring the watch with you?”

    Customer: “Yeah…”

    Me: “Well, sometimes it is stamped on the back cover.”

    Customer: “I can’t decipher this. Can you open the watch and check?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t offer that service.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “I mean, we don’t offer that service. I have neither the tools nor the training to work on your watch.”

    Customer: “But you sell the batteries!”

    Me: “Yes, we do. I’ll gladly help check that you are buying the right one, but I won’t work on your watch.”

    Customer: “But you sell the batteries! You HAVE to put it in for me!”

    Me: “Sir, I could also sell you toilet paper, but you would still have to do the wiping yourself…”

    You Can Lead A Horse To Water, Part 2

    | Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

    (The store in question was very small: eight aisles, total, in a nice, easy-to-see square configuration.)

    Customer: “Where are your batteries?”

    Me: “Aisle 3.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Aisle 3…” ¬†*points* “… just behind you.”

    Customer: “Oh. Which one is aisle three?”

    Me: “The one with the ‘3’ on it, sir. ¬†In between aisles two and four.”

    Customer: “Thanks!” *wanders off into aisle 2*

    Boss: “Don’t do that again.”

    Some Questions Should Never Be Answered

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, before your photos were printed the technician noticed that they have a *ahem* content which we cannot print.”

    Customer: “This is because I was nude, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Well, that wasn’t the deciding factor in itself.”

    Customer: “Are you saying that there is something wrong with the human body? That it is obscene?”

    Me: “No, I cannot comment on that. But the use of certain… toys… in your photography did cross our line.”

    Customer: “Well? What are you going to do for me?”

    Me: “While I am forbidden to make and sell you the photos, the negatives are still yours. You can have them once you pay the processing fee.”

    Customer: “Hmmmpph! Well, you can at least tell me how I looked!”

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