(It’s the night before Mother’s Day, and around 3 am we get a large shipment of roses. A young customer comes in and sees the huge display, which has over 100 bouquets.)

Young Customer: “Oh man! You’re killing me with all these flowers!”

Me: “What?”

Young Customer: “I just gotta get some!”

(He grabs a full bouquet of a dozen roses plus a single rose, and then comes up to my register.)

Young Customer: “My momma always told me that if you give a lady a rose on Mother’s Day, it’ll make her smile the whole day long, don’t even matter if she’s a mother or not. I’m gonna make 13 lucky ladies smile today!”

Me: “Aww, that’s so sweet!”

(I finish ringing him up, and he turns to leave. Suddenly, he turns around and hands me the single rose.)

Young Customer: “You’re lady number 1!”

(He then runs out the door before I can think of anything to say. I have to admit though, I really did end up smiling all day because of it!)

(We card everyone who looks under 40 for cigarettes and alcohol. A customer comes up, who looks to be about mid-20s.)

Me: “Hi ma’am! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need a pack of [brand].”

(I grab the cigarettes, and keep them next to me on the counter.)

Me: “Alright, I need to see your ID, please.”

Customer: “What the f***?! Just give me the d*** cigarettes. I’m over 18.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t sell you them without seeing your ID.”

Customer: “Just give me the cigarettes. I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I can lose my job or worse if I don’t ID you. Please… we can get through this much quicker if you give me your ID.”

Customer: “F*** you, you b****! I want my cigarettes! I come in here all the time and have never been carded before! I demand to speak your manager!”

(I call my manager up to the front. He’s not much older than I am, and Hispanic.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This stupid b****, who probably isn’t even old enough to sell cigarettes, won’t give me mine!”

Manager: *to me* “What does she mean?”

Me: “I asked for her ID since she looks under 40, and she refused. So, I tried to tell her—”

Customer: “You lying b****! You never asked for my ID!”

Me: “I asked for it several times, ma’am.”

Customer: “I want my cigarettes for free!”

Manager: “I can’t do that ma’am, and I’m almost positive she asked for your ID.”

Customer: “F*** you, you f***ing immigrant! I come in here all the time!”

(She continues like this for a while. My manager and I are both completely stunned.)

Manager: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “You can’t make me!”

(She starts screaming and shaking the register. Panicked, I call the police. While waiting for them she starts to go around the store knocking things off shelves. As soon as the sirens are in the distance, she runs out of the store. Thankfully after my manager and I deal with the police report, he gave paid vacation time.)

(I work in a drug store as a photo tech. Part of my job is taking passport photos. I take the photo then run it through a software program to ensure it meets standards for a passport photo. I have no leeway on the size of the photo. I cannot make it smaller or larger.)

Customer: “I need a Green Card photo.”

Me: “I can’t do Green Card photos.”

Customer: “But I need a Green Card photo.”

(He speaks pretty decent English, and his accompanying wife speaks flawless English.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not even sure where you would go for that. It needs to be taken in a very specific way and I don’t have the software to do a Green Card photo.”

Customer: “Just take the photo!”

Me: “I can take a passport photo for you, but it won’t be the right size.”

Customer: “Take the photo!”

Me: “I’ll take a passport photo for you, but it won’t be what you need.”

(The customer speaks to his wife in their native language.)

Customer’s Wife: “Shut up, she knows what she’s doing.”

Me: “I actually don’t, because we don’t do Green Card photos and I assure you, this is not going to be what you need. This photo will be too large to use.”

Customer’s Wife: “You’ll do fine, dear.”

(I take the photo, explain to them again it will not be what they need. At their insistence, I process the photo and tell them as it develops it will not be what they need. I hand the finished product over.)

Customer: “It’s not the right size!”

Me:” I know. I do not have the capability to do a proper Green Card photo. This is the smallest photo I can make for you.”

Customer: “It’s too big!” *brandishes credit card at me, mistaking it for Green Card* “This size, this size!”

(I decide to make one last attempt at explaining this before I call my manager, who I love but I know is having a bad day.)

Me: “I do not have Green Card specification software. The only identification photos I can take accurately are passport photos. My computer is not capable of making a Green Card photo.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well, why the h*** didn’t you just tell me that?!”

Me: “I did, love. Five separate times. Have a great day, folks!”

(A customer in her late 60s walks up with her granddaughter, who is probably 18-20 in age.)

Customer: “I want to return this crap!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No, but you’d better take it back!”

(I page a manager to approve a no-receipt return. It gets approved and we explain it’ll have to go on a store gift card. The customer is still angry, but the granddaughter helps us calm her down.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, here’s your gift card. There’s $24.83 on it.”

(The customer snatches the card from my hands. Meanwhile, she watches the POS terminal like a hawk to see how things add up.)

Customer: “NO, NO, NO! That was buy one, get one free!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am let me have someone check…”

(As I page for someone on the floor to price check, I see a line of angry people forming behind her. We’re an insanely busy store in the summer, and it’s been a good ten minutes by this point. My coworker returns from checking the price.)

Coworker: “It has no tag, or none near it. Where did you see buy one, get one free, ma’am?”

Customer: “A couple weeks ago!  It was buy one, get one free!”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t price modify for a sale a couple weeks old.”

Customer: “You can and you will. Let me speak to your manager!”

(I page the manager again, and they approve the modification while giving me a “Get this crazy customer out of our store” look).

Me: “Alright ma’am, I’ve run your gift card. That leaves $10.21 remaining on your total.”

Customer: “I should get it free for all the hassle you people put me through here!”

(The customer throws a 20 at me. I make change and she storms off, with the total transaction time about 16 minutes. Next up is her granddaughter, who is calm and polite. She puts her nail polish on the counter and I ring her up. Whole transaction time? 20 seconds.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer’s Granddaughter: “You too!”

Customer: *to her granddaughter* “Danielle, are you FINALLY done?! What took you so long?! I swear, you young people are SO inconsiderate, like that idiot behind the counter!”

Related:
Rage Before Beauty

(I finish a transaction for a customer and hand him his receipt.)

Me: “Thank you! Have a nice day!”

Customer: *eats receipt*

Me: *stares, speechless*

Customer: “It’s a good source of fiber!”