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    Donuts Or Donuts, There Is No Try

    | Manila, Philippines | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Five boxes, dozen donuts each, right now.”

    Me: “Okay, is there any specific–”

    (Suddenly, I hear a woman screaming in the background.)

    Woman: “Donuts! NOW!”

    (The caller gets back on the phone.)

    Caller: “Whatever flavors you have. Five dozen donuts A-S-A-motherf***ing-P!”

    Me: “Um, alright, that’ll be [price]. How much change should our deliveryman bring?”

    Caller: “I will give your delivery guy all the money I have in the house! Just get him here before my wife sits on me and hits me with the freakin’ remote control!”

    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

    | Lufkin, TX, USA |

    (A man calls to check on a cake he’d ordered, but things just go downhill from there.)

    Customer: “I’d like to check on the cake I ordered for graduation.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is [donut shop]. We don’t make cakes; we only make donuts.”

    Customer: “I ordered the cake two weeks ago and I want to know if it will be ready.”

    Me: “I can’t help you with that because we don’t make cakes here. We only make donuts.”

    Customer: “Is this [donut shop]?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Customer: “Well, I know that’s where I ordered my cake, and I want to know if it will be ready.”

    Me: “I can’t help you with that because you didn’t order a cake here. We don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”

    Customer: “Are you near [chain grocery store]?”

    Me: “Yes, there’s one near us.”

    Customer: “Then that proves I ordered the cake there because it was right near [chain grocery store].”

    Me: “You may have been somewhere near [chain grocery store], but you couldn’t have been here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts. We don’t even have an oven except for a small microwave oven. Everything here is deep-fried, so we have no way to make cakes even if we want to.”

    Customer: “Well, where did I order my cake then, if I didn’t order it from you?!”

    Me: “I don’t know where you ordered your cake, but I do know that you didn’t order it here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”

    Customer: “Whatever, you are incompetent! I’m never ordering cakes from you guys ever again!” *click*

    Related:
    The Cake Is A Lie

    A Hole In Your Thinking

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “Can I have a sample of this doughnut?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “But you used to give them out! Why can’t I get one?”

    Me: “Yeah, that was a long time ago. Now we only give it to children.”

    (The customer squats down a bit.)

    Customer: “I’m twelve. Can I have a sample?”

    Something With Sprinkles, I’d Wager…

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a large coffee and something for my wife…maybe an apple cruller?”

    (He pays for his stuff and I see him walk out to a car parked right in front of the store. He gets in, but the car doesn’t move. After about a minute, he storms back into the store.)

    Customer: *loudly* “What kind of donut do you recommend for a hatchet-faced old witch?!

    Me: “Uh….”

    Comes With Free Broadsword

    , | Connecticut, USA |

    (I’m working drive through when the headset beeps.)

    Me:: “Hi, welcome to *** Donuts, what can I get you?”

    Customer:: “Hi, I’ll have a barbarian cream!”

    Me:: “…a what?”

    Customer: “A barbarian cream!”

    Me: “…you mean a Bavarian cream?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that!”


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