(At the kennel where I’m the receptionist, we offer a discount if two dogs can share the same run.)

Customer: “Can you tell me your pricing?”

Me: “Sure, it’s [price] per dog per night, unless you have two dogs who can share a run. You’re just looking for a single?”

Customer: *completely serious* “Yes, my dog’s not married.”

Customer: “An emergency just came up. I need to board my dogs for the next week.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s December 24th and we’re completely booked for the holidays.”

Customer: “But I have to leave town. Can’t they stay with you?”

Me: “We don’t have any space for them. Our waiting list has already been notified about cancellations and they have filled those spots.”

Customer: “You just don’t understand! My dogs are very well behaved and I’m leaving town tomorrow. I’ll just drop them off in the morning.”

Me: “Please don’t do that. There is absolutely no room for your dogs here.”

Customer: “Are you asking me to cancel my trip?! Listen, young lady! I’ve been planning this vacation for 3 months and I will not be stopped now!”

Me: “Is this your emergency?”

Customer:: *click*