November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

A Negative Reaction To The Lotion

| NB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I work in the beauty department.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Well, I’m here to return something.”

Me: “That’s a shame. May I ask why you’re returning it?”

Customer: “Well I just didn’t like it.”

(There are only two ways we can return a product: if it’s defective, or if they have an allergic reaction.)

Me: “I’m very sorry you didn’t like the product. However, I am unable to return it at the time. Can I ask you how much did you use?”

(The customer hands me over the product and glares at me. I open the product to find that the entire thing has been used.)

Me: “Ma’am, the bottle is empty.”

Customer: “Well of course it is! I had to use it to find out if I liked it!”

Me: “You can’t return this product, as there is nothing there to return. It’s like bringing in a shoe box with no shoes in it!”

Customer: “Well, that just does not make any sense! You people should return this! I didn’t like it! This company is worthless!” *stomps off*

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Detoured Intentions

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top, Transportation

(On break, I read on my phone that there has been a horrible truck accident. News reports say traffic will be shut down along that highway for several hours. After break, I am ringing up a customer and notice where she is from.)

Me: “Just curious, but were you planning on taking the turnpike home?”

Customer: “Yes, why?”

Me: “There’s an accident, and it will be shut down for a few hours. You might want to try taking another route.”

Customer: “What? This is ridiculous. What will you do for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I’ll have to go out of my way; this will cost gas, and I might be late. You need to compensate me for that! Where’s your manager?”

Me: “I am the department manager and… no. We won’t compensate you because the turnpike is closed.”

Customer: “I’ll contact your headquarters! Forget this stuff; I’m not shopping here again!”

(She storms off before finishing paying. Apparently she did contact our corporate, who were quite confused and wouldn’t give her compensation either.)

Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 4

| SA, Australia | Crazy Requests

Customer: “I’m looking for this vacuum cleaner.”

(The customer points to a picture in our latest clearance brochure.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it’s sold out. I can take a rain-check if you like.”

Customer: “What do you mean it’s sold out? It’s in your catalogue!”

Me: “Yeah, but this sale started more than a week ago. They’re going for 80% off, so they’ve been pretty popular. All of our stores in the state are sold out, but we’re hoping to order more in if we get enough rain-checks.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Where are they in this store?”

Me: “Uh, we don’t have any. They’re all gone. They sold out several days ago.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Well… because other customers bought them I guess?”

Customer: “Why did they do that?”

Me: “Probably for the same reason you wanted to get one—to vacuum with.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t let people buy them all!” *storms out*

Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3
Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2

A Bit Light On Being Polite

| Yonkers, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m buying an item that offers certain customization options, and I’ve requested that mine have quite a bit of work done. I’ve made a few mistakes explaining what I want, and each one means the employee has to start from the very beginning.)

Employee: “Okay, I think it’s finally right. Can you take a look and confirm that all this is what you want?”

(The employee shows me the screen.)

Me: “Yeah, yeah, whoops. Sorry, this is wrong.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, my mistake. Let me see if I can void that one item—”

(The terminal goes black.)

Employee: “MOTHERF—whoops! Sorry, shouldn’t have said that.”

Me: “I’m sorry that my order is causing so much trouble.”

Employee: “Dude, you have no freaking idea. I don’t care if your order takes an hour, you’re actually being patient. I’m going to do what it takes to make sure you get everything the way you want it.”

Me: “I hope being minimally polite isn’t something that stands out so much from the—”

(There’s a crash from the next checkout counter.)

Other Employee: “But, sir, I ran the card four times, and it got rejected each time—”

Customer: *holding an item and smashing it into the counter* “RUN THE F****** CARD! IT’S MINE!”

Other Employee: “I never said it wasn’t yours!”

Employee: “What was that about being polite?”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

(I’m looking through a display of jeans when a middle-aged customer approaches me. It’s the middle of winter.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Um, yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “You work here, right?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; I don’t.”

Customer: “Oh. Well you’re not wearing a coat!”

Me: “Yeah, I rented a locker so that I wouldn’t have to carry around a big heavy coat while I shop.”

Customer: “Well that’s stupid. How am I supposed to know you don’t work here if you’re not wearing a coat?”

Me: “Uhh, the lack of uniform?”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5