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    What A Tool, Part 2

    | WA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I work for a large department store known for selling tools and hardware under their own brand. They have a lifetime guarantee on tools of this brand, and will exchange any broken or defective tool at any time. I am working in the tools department. A customer comes into the store with a whole lot of tools.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to exchange all of my tools for new ones.”

    Me:All of your tools? Are they broken?”

    Customer: “No, they’re not broken. They’re used. I want new nice looking tools.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we cannot exchange all of your tools just because they’re used. We can only exchange them if they are broken or defective.”

    Customer: “But they have a lifetime guarantee! I can exchange them any time I want! And now they’re used, and I just got a new job working for a car dealership, and I want new tools that look nice! You have to exchange these!”

    Me: “Sir, are you going to be actually working on cars, or just hanging your tools on your wall?”

    Customer: “Get me your manager now!”

    (I call my manager, and overhear part of his conversation with the customer.)

    Customer: “No, they’re just used. I want new tools that look nice for my new job at a car dealership.”

    Manager: “So, are you actually going to work on cars with your tools, or just hang them on the wall?”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Related:
    What A Tool

    Earmark That Sound Advice

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m doing a sales pitch to my customers, a husband and wife, and they’re really getting interested. We’re going round all the products. There is good banter going on, jokes etc. However, out of nowhere, an old lady barges between them and grabs my ear.)

    Old Lady: “I have been asking you where the toilets are!”

    Me: “Please let go of my ear!”

    Old Lady: “It’s rude to disrespect your elders! Where are the toilets?!”

    Husband: *knocks the old lady’s hand away from my ear*

    Old Lady: *to the man* “You assaulted me!”

    Husband: “You have no case, and I didn’t hear you asking this young lady about the loos. My wife and I have been talking to her for at least ten minutes.”

    Old Lady: “Of course I have a case! You hit me! She saw it!” *points to me*

    Husband: “She has a better case against you for assault.”

    Old Lady: “No she does not!”

    (The husband calmly pulls out a business card and hands it to me.)

    Husband: *to me* “I’ll gladly take her to court for you for free.”

    (Reading the card I see his name, followed by ‘Head of Legal Advice for [company]‘.)

    Me: “Thank you!” *to the old lady* “The loos are down that way on the left; follow the signs.”

    (I am rubbing ear as the old lady walks off, sulking. I turn to the couple.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry about that.”

    Husband: “No need. Anyway, keep the card, just in case!”

    Eating With The Tongs Of Honesty

    | Kent, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I work in a department store in the kitchenware and electrical department. The shop is famous for its open returns policy; i.e. a customer can pretty much return anything. As I’m in charge of returns, so this is usually a big headache.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need this to bring these items in. It’s a bit of long story.”

    Me: “Uh sure, is there a fault with them?”

    Customer: “Oh no, it’s just that I ordered a pair of cooking tongs from your website, and my receipt just says one. I only get the amount for one debited from my account.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Customer: “Well, I only wanted one, but I had six sent to me and I called your helpline and they said post it in, but I wanted to bring it in to make sure it gets here.”

    Me: “Just so I’ve got this right: you only paid for one, receipted for one, you got six, and you’re bringing the other five back here?”

    Customer: “Yup! Do you need to check my order or something?”

    Me: “No! Sorry if I seem confused; this just never happens. I’ll take those and we’ll just add them. Thank you for your honesty, and here, have these tokens or some free coffee and cake from one of our cafe bars!”

    Customer: “Oh, no! Don’t give me those for being honest; have nice day!”

    (I told my line manager what happened. She said it wasn’t uncommon for the wrong amount of items to be sent, but we never usually get honest customers coming back!)

    Doing Customer Service A Disservice

    | Australia | Awesome Workers, Bigotry

    (I am called up to do a price check on an item from my department. There is a long line of customers, but several serving staff. One of them is a lovely young girl wearing a Muslim headscarf who is trying to help a cranky looking old woman. My coworker is visibly upset.)

    Me: *to my coworker* “Hi! What do you need a price che—”

    Customer: “That [racial slur] is trying to rip me off! This [very expensive crystal decanter set] was meant to be $30. There’s a sign over there!”

    Me: “Okay, look, you’re going to need to use appropriate language in this store if you want any of us to continue serving you. Now, I know for a fact that this set should be around the $200 mark. See, it has the original price here of $299? There is no way it would be $30.”

    (The customer argues with me a bit until I ask her to show me the sign. She grumbles all the way about me being unable to do my job and making a poor old woman walk to the back of the store. We get to the crystal section, and she points triumphantly to a large sign on top of the stand.)

    Me: “That says 30% off the marked price of all crystal-ware.”

    Customer: “Exactly! You’d better give it to me for free because it scanned wrong. I’ve been dreadfully inconvenienced by you. What terrible customer service!”

    (She continues in this manner all the way back to the register, where she again begins making loud racial comments about my Muslim coworker, who I see walking away from the registers. The other customers in line are clearly uncomfortable. I agree to call my manager down, but for different reasons than what she thinks.)

    Customer: *spots the manager* “A-ha! I’ve been waiting for you! I want you—”

    Manager: “Get out.”

    Customer:Excuse me?”

    Manager: “[Coworker] just came out to me in tears because you were making disgusting comments about her. We don’t tolerate your type in this store. Now get out before I call security.”

    Customer: “Well, I never—”

    (The other customers in line begin clapping or adding their own comments. She eventually storms out, but we had to have her removed from the store twice later that day!)

    Best Put That Topic To Bed

    | Nottinghamshire, England, UK | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I work in the bedroom department. My job is to approach passers-by and ask about what they’re looking for. A couple I ask takes an interest in a headboard.)

    Husband: “That’s no good for us, sweetie.”

    Wife: “Why not?”

    Husband: “Well…” *looks at me directly* “…there’s nowhere to put the handcuffs!”

    (I worked in Ann Summers for a year, and whilst I was unemployed did paid reviews on BDSM and other such toys.)

    Me: *smiling sweetly* “To be honest, the under-bed cuffing systems work so much better, especially the German makes. Plus they’re a lot more discreet. But if you’re infrequent users you may want to try bondage tape, it’s a lot cheaper in the long run, and it doesn’t like any visible marks or pulls on hair.”

    Husband: *turns red*

    Wife: *to her husband* “You had that coming.”

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