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    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (I’m looking through a display of jeans when a middle-aged customer approaches me. It’s the middle of winter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Um, yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You work here, right?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry; I don’t.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well you’re not wearing a coat!”

    Me: “Yeah, I rented a locker so that I wouldn’t have to carry around a big heavy coat while I shop.”

    Customer: “Well that’s stupid. How am I supposed to know you don’t work here if you’re not wearing a coat?”

    Me: “Uhh, the lack of uniform?”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    Out Of The Frying Pan…

    | SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    (A customer is browsing our sale frying pans, which are gift boxed. On top of the pile of boxes is a frying pan that has been taken out so customers don’t keep opening new boxes to look at them.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, are any of these out on display? I don’t want to buy one if I don’t know what it looks like.”

    Me: “Yep, there’s this one right here.”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t think it was the same one. It looks different to the one in the picture. The one in the picture has vegetables in it.”

    (I laugh politely, thinking it’s a joke.)

    Customer: “So, are there vegetables in the box?”

    Me: “Um… no. It’s just a frying pan, and a glass lid. If there was food in there, it would go off.”

    (The customer continues browsing, while I am called away to help someone else. As I am passing back by the first customer, I notice he is roughly pulling a new frying pan out of the gift box, tearing it up.)

    Me: “Uh, do you need some help here?”

    Customer: “I just wanted to see what this frying pan looks like before I buy it.”

    Me: “It’s exactly the same as the one on display. We put that out so everyone can see what it looks like. That way, people will stop pulling new stock out of boxes and wrecking them.”

    Customer: “I know, but I want to see what this one looks like. Yes, this should be fine. Oh, but the box is all torn up. Can you give me a discount for that?”

    She Crossed The Line, Part 2

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

    (I’m serving on the registers. There is an enormous line of people, so many of them have been waiting more than ten minutes to make their purchases. I look at the man at the front of the line and call him up. As he is walking up to my counter, an old woman with a walking frame, with remarkable speed, pushes through the adjacent layby line and throws her items at me, then turns and glares at the other man. The customer I called waves his hand at me to let her through. We both assumed that due to her age, she may not have realised that she came in the wrong way.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Get on with it.”

    Me: “Uh, okay. So, just checking, are you just purchasing these today? I noticed you were in the layby line before.”

    Customer: “Of course I’m bloody well buying them! Why else would I be here?”

    (She puts more items on the counter, rudely shoving another customer’s stuff to the side, making some clothes fall on the ground. My coworker and I quickly pick up the items so they don’t get dusty.)

    Customer: “Why were you helping her? You’re supposed to be serving me, but you’re not doing a very good job of it!”

    Me: “Some clothes got knocked on to the floor, so I was picking them up to make sure they weren’t damaged. Now, I’m happy to put your items through. Just so you know, next time you actually need to line up over there. There is a big line waiting for the registers, but that nice man let you through.”

    Customer: “Well how was I supposed to know where to line up? There are no signs.”

    Me: “Well… there are around 30 people standing in the line that you just walked past. Also the wall just behind me says ‘Purchases: Pay Here’, while the one you were at says ‘Layby’.”

    (I point to all the large signs, but the customer isn’t even looking where I am pointing.)

    Customer: “You need to put signs up. That’s misleading.”

    (I ignore the last bit, since I’ve already explained it to her. I finish putting her sale through.)

    Me: “Alright then here’s your bag and receipt; have a nice day!”

    Customer: “I won’t! Because you RUINED it!”

    Other Customer’s Small Child: “Wow. What a crazy old bat!”

    Related:
    She Crossed The Line

    How To Disarm Volatile Customers

    | USA | At The Checkout, Military, Money, Top

    (I work at a clothing department store. We don’t offer a discount to our military, but we do have deals going on all the time. I overhear a customer speaking as if he has a military background. He eventually comes up to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi, I couldn’t help but overhear, but what branch are you?”

    Military Customer: “Oh, I am in [legitimate military branch]. I did a tour of Iraq for a while.”

    Me: “In that case, I can see that you forgot your coupon! That’s not a problem; we’ll take 30% off for you!”

    (The next customer behind him starts yelling.)

    Next Customer: “I don’t have my 50% coupon!”

    (I ignore her, and finished the soldier’s purchases.)

    Next Customer: “I deserve my 50% off!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our store has never had a coupon that goes over 30%.”

    (The next customer begins to yell.)

    Next Customer: “You gave that discount to him! Why can’t I get the discount?”

    (The military customer calmly walks over, and takes off his left arm. The next customer’s eyes get really large.)

    Military Customer: “Don’t worry, the 50% discount only costs an arm and a leg; give or take a bit.”

    (The next customer flees without buying anything. Thank you to all of our military, and especially the ones with great humor!)

    The Customer Spent Money But The Child Is Complimentary

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

    (I work at a big box store in the jewellery department. I am usually the only one there during the mornings. I am also seven months pregnant. I am helping a lady pick out a new watch, with her younger old daughter sitting in the cart. This happens just as the lady is about to pay for her item.)

    Me: “And here’s your change. Thank you for shopping with us!”

    Lady: “Thank you. Good luck with the future baby!”

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Little Girl: “I bet the baby will be pretty because you are pretty like a princess!”

    Me: “Aww, thanks!”

    (I couldn’t stop smiling after they left. Little girl made my week! And my baby was the prettiest baby in the hospital when she was born – nurses even thought so!)

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