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    A Negative Reaction To The Lotion

    | NB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work in the beauty department.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m here to return something.”

    Me: “That’s a shame. May I ask why you’re returning it?”

    Customer: “Well I just didn’t like it.”

    (There are only two ways we can return a product: if it’s defective, or if they have an allergic reaction.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry you didn’t like the product. However, I am unable to return it at the time. Can I ask you how much did you use?”

    (The customer hands me over the product and glares at me. I open the product to find that the entire thing has been used.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the bottle is empty.”

    Customer: “Well of course it is! I had to use it to find out if I liked it!”

    Me: “You can’t return this product, as there is nothing there to return. It’s like bringing in a shoe box with no shoes in it!”

    Customer: “Well, that just does not make any sense! You people should return this! I didn’t like it! This company is worthless!” *stomps off*

    The Road To Hell Is Paved With Detoured Intentions

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top, Transportation

    (On break, I read on my phone that there has been a horrible truck accident. News reports say traffic will be shut down along that highway for several hours. After break, I am ringing up a customer and notice where she is from.)

    Me: “Just curious, but were you planning on taking the turnpike home?”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “There’s an accident, and it will be shut down for a few hours. You might want to try taking another route.”

    Customer: “What? This is ridiculous. What will you do for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I’ll have to go out of my way; this will cost gas, and I might be late. You need to compensate me for that! Where’s your manager?”

    Me: “I am the department manager and… no. We won’t compensate you because the turnpike is closed.”

    Customer: “I’ll contact your headquarters! Forget this stuff; I’m not shopping here again!”

    (She storms off before finishing paying. Apparently she did contact our corporate, who were quite confused and wouldn’t give her compensation either.)

    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 4

    | SA, Australia | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “I’m looking for this vacuum cleaner.”

    (The customer points to a picture in our latest clearance brochure.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it’s sold out. I can take a rain-check if you like.”

    Customer: “What do you mean it’s sold out? It’s in your catalogue!”

    Me: “Yeah, but this sale started more than a week ago. They’re going for 80% off, so they’ve been pretty popular. All of our stores in the state are sold out, but we’re hoping to order more in if we get enough rain-checks.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. Where are they in this store?”

    Me: “Uh, we don’t have any. They’re all gone. They sold out several days ago.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Well… because other customers bought them I guess?”

    Customer: “Why did they do that?”

    Me: “Probably for the same reason you wanted to get one—to vacuum with.”

    Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t let people buy them all!” *storms out*

    Related:
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2

    A Bit Light On Being Polite

    | Yonkers, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m buying an item that offers certain customization options, and I’ve requested that mine have quite a bit of work done. I’ve made a few mistakes explaining what I want, and each one means the employee has to start from the very beginning.)

    Employee: “Okay, I think it’s finally right. Can you take a look and confirm that all this is what you want?”

    (The employee shows me the screen.)

    Me: “Yeah, yeah, whoops. Sorry, this is wrong.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, my mistake. Let me see if I can void that one item—”

    (The terminal goes black.)

    Employee: “MOTHERF—whoops! Sorry, shouldn’t have said that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry that my order is causing so much trouble.”

    Employee: “Dude, you have no freaking idea. I don’t care if your order takes an hour, you’re actually being patient. I’m going to do what it takes to make sure you get everything the way you want it.”

    Me: “I hope being minimally polite isn’t something that stands out so much from the—”

    (There’s a crash from the next checkout counter.)

    Other Employee: “But, sir, I ran the card four times, and it got rejected each time—”

    Customer: *holding an item and smashing it into the counter* “RUN THE F****** CARD! IT’S MINE!”

    Other Employee: “I never said it wasn’t yours!”

    Employee: “What was that about being polite?”

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (I’m looking through a display of jeans when a middle-aged customer approaches me. It’s the middle of winter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Um, yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You work here, right?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry; I don’t.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well you’re not wearing a coat!”

    Me: “Yeah, I rented a locker so that I wouldn’t have to carry around a big heavy coat while I shop.”

    Customer: “Well that’s stupid. How am I supposed to know you don’t work here if you’re not wearing a coat?”

    Me: “Uhh, the lack of uniform?”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

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