The Application Of Reality

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It is the Saturday before Christmas and the store is extremely busy. Every employee is required to work, and even the store manager is on the sales floor helping customers.)

Customer: “I need you to help me find this item from your ad.”

Me: “Certainly. Just let me finish with the customer I am helping now, and then I can help you.”

Customer: “I can’t wait for you to finish. Isn’t there someone else who can help me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it is extremely busy today. I will be with you as soon as I can.”

Customer: “I want to see your manager. This is unacceptable.”

Me: *pointing to the register next to me* “She is with a customer right now, but I’m sure she will be happy to speak to you once she has finished.”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! You need to hire more help!”

Me: “You are absolutely right, and as soon as I finish with this customer I will be happy to get you an application.”

I Used To Work Here, Does Not Work Here

| NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(I’m currently shopping at a department store. I did in fact work in this store… more than ten years ago. Since then it has renovated twice, totally reorganizing the layout and expanding the tiny grocery section to nearly full supermarket size, but because I shop there so often I know my way around. I also have long hair, for a male, that I keep well washed and trimmed in a ponytail.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, I know you don’t work here, but do you know where [products] are?”

Me: “Last I saw them, they were down just on the other side of the produce stuff.”

Customer #1: “Thank you!”

(Another customer approaches after this exchange.)

Customer #2: “Wait, you work here?”

Me: “Not for about a decade, no.”

Customer #2: “Then why did you help her?”

Me: “Because she asked and I knew?”

Customer #2: “Well, that’s horribly rude of you! You’re taking away the jobs of the people that still work!”

Me: “No, I was saving someone the hassle of either finding an employee, or buzzing for one and having to wait.”

Customer #2: “That’s still the employees’ job! And what, you quit a decade ago and you’re still not working?!”

Me: *laughing at this point* “Are you serious? WHY would you think that?!”

Customer #2: “That ridiculous hair of yours, for one. You look like a slob!”

Me: “Funny, that’s not what the CEO of the company said when he was congratulating me on my promotion to the manager of the shipping department where I work now. Now, do YOU need help finding anything? Or can I get back to getting my groceries?”

(I’m not sure whether she was more astounded by the fact that I ‘dared’ talk back to her, or that I was calm yet laughing the whole time, but she was still giving me a death glare when I went to go about my business!)

Thank You For Your Non Custom

| OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

(I’ve just gotten off work and run to a nearby store to pick up a few things. At work, we wear vests and leave them there after our shifts, so I’m wearing ‘normal’ clothing; a black shirt, jeans, and flats. In no way do I look like I’m working, or like I work for the store I’m shopping in.)

Other Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find something?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t work here and this is my first time shopping here. I just saw an employee stocking in the next aisle, though. He may be able to help.”

Other Customer: “But you work at [My Store]! I saw you earlier!”

Me: “Yes…”

Other Customer: “So why won’t you help me?”

Me: “Because I’m not at work? This isn’t my store. I can’t be of assistance.”

Other Customer: “You provide terrible customer service! I’m reporting you!”

(She did indeed report me to my manager. He couldn’t stop laughing and just said that he doesn’t understand why all of the weird things only happen to me. Indeed, when the lady came through my line a few days later, she demanded that I accept a return of the items she bought at the other store where I “wouldn’t help her.” I don’t think she understands how stores work.)

I Know Better Than To Work Here

| Blaine, MN, USA | One-Liners, Theme Of The Month

(I’m shopping at the local [Largest Retailer in America] just after leaving work elsewhere. I’m not wearing any clothes that look anything like this company’s uniforms. I’m in the bottled water aisle, looking for a particular brand when this happens.)

Customer: *asks something as though I were an employee*

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I don’t work here. I have no idea.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry.”

(I get a thought just as she’s about to head off…)

Me: “Out of curiosity, what made you think I work here?”

Customer: “You just looked like you knew what you were doing.”

Me: *laughs* “I do, and that’s why I don’t work here.”

Go From Feeling Low To Feeling J-Lo

| Cornelius, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I am checking out a customer and her young son.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

(Meanwhile her little boy is staring at me open mouthed. I figure it’s because I’m a little shorter, not as skinny as his mom, and have thick poofy hair that looks like it belongs to a witch. But I smile at him.)

Me: “Hi!”

Little Boy: *in awe* “Mommy! She’s pretty like Jennifer Lopez!”

Me: *stares back in shock as my heart melts* “Aww! Compliment lying already! You’re going to make your girlfriend very happy when you get older!”

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