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    You Can Count On Some Customers

    | Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    (We have a few regulars in the store that we give nicknames. There is one middle-aged man who often wears a long black cloak with a high collar. He speaks with a thick Transylvanian-sounding accent, so I refer to him as ‘The Count.’)

    The Count: “Hellooooo, daaaahliiing. Do you have any more of zese glasses?”

    (I go out to the back and find another box. We’ve had a few problems with boxes being sent to us with broken pieces inside. I open it to show the customer all of them are fine.)

    The Count: “Ahhhh, yes. Zey are very nice. And, let’s see…”

    (He points at each in turn like ‘The Count’ from Sesame Street.)

    The Count: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! They’re all there! Ah, ha, ha!”

    (He takes the box out of my hands and goes to the counter with a sweep of his cloak. I guess some people live up to their nicknames!)

    Bad Re-action Figure

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Themed Giveaway

    (I am browsing the board games in the toy aisle. I am on the border of the action figures, and the dolls aisles. A mother and young daughter walk by.)

    Mother: “Boys have so much cooler toys.”

    Daughter: “What?”

    Mother: “Don’t you want a boy toy?”

    Daughter: “No!”

    A Negative Reaction To The Lotion

    | NB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work in the beauty department.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m here to return something.”

    Me: “That’s a shame. May I ask why you’re returning it?”

    Customer: “Well I just didn’t like it.”

    (There are only two ways we can return a product: if it’s defective, or if they have an allergic reaction.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry you didn’t like the product. However, I am unable to return it at the time. Can I ask you how much did you use?”

    (The customer hands me over the product and glares at me. I open the product to find that the entire thing has been used.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the bottle is empty.”

    Customer: “Well of course it is! I had to use it to find out if I liked it!”

    Me: “You can’t return this product, as there is nothing there to return. It’s like bringing in a shoe box with no shoes in it!”

    Customer: “Well, that just does not make any sense! You people should return this! I didn’t like it! This company is worthless!” *stomps off*

    The Road To Hell Is Paved With Detoured Intentions

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top, Transportation

    (On break, I read on my phone that there has been a horrible truck accident. News reports say traffic will be shut down along that highway for several hours. After break, I am ringing up a customer and notice where she is from.)

    Me: “Just curious, but were you planning on taking the turnpike home?”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “There’s an accident, and it will be shut down for a few hours. You might want to try taking another route.”

    Customer: “What? This is ridiculous. What will you do for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I’ll have to go out of my way; this will cost gas, and I might be late. You need to compensate me for that! Where’s your manager?”

    Me: “I am the department manager and… no. We won’t compensate you because the turnpike is closed.”

    Customer: “I’ll contact your headquarters! Forget this stuff; I’m not shopping here again!”

    (She storms off before finishing paying. Apparently she did contact our corporate, who were quite confused and wouldn’t give her compensation either.)

    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 4

    | SA, Australia | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “I’m looking for this vacuum cleaner.”

    (The customer points to a picture in our latest clearance brochure.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it’s sold out. I can take a rain-check if you like.”

    Customer: “What do you mean it’s sold out? It’s in your catalogue!”

    Me: “Yeah, but this sale started more than a week ago. They’re going for 80% off, so they’ve been pretty popular. All of our stores in the state are sold out, but we’re hoping to order more in if we get enough rain-checks.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. Where are they in this store?”

    Me: “Uh, we don’t have any. They’re all gone. They sold out several days ago.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Well… because other customers bought them I guess?”

    Customer: “Why did they do that?”

    Me: “Probably for the same reason you wanted to get one—to vacuum with.”

    Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t let people buy them all!” *storms out*

    Related:
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2


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