Department Store | Quebec, Canada
Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell pie here?”
Me: “Um, no this is [department store]. We sell clothes.”
Customer: “I don’t want clothes. I want pie.”
Me: “You can go across the street to the supermarket.”
Customer: “But I hear that your pie is the best in town.”
Me: “You’ve obviously heard wrong; we don’t sell pie here.”
Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! I know there’s pie! Where is it?!”
Me: “Sir, there is no pie…”
Customer: “F*** you, are you profiling me? Just because I’m African-American you won’t sell me pie? You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!”
Me: *giving up* “…OK sir, fine, you’re right. Go downstairs, go out the door and walk across the street. That’s where we sell the pie.”
Customer: “It’s about time…”
Department Store | Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Customer: “I want to return this knife! The lady I bought this from put this sticky stuff around the blade.”
Me: “Ma’am, all of our knives have the protective seal to keep you from getting cut.”
Customer: “No way! I saw her; she put this on there! I want a different one!”
Me: “Ma’am, you’re free to choose another knife but, as you can see, they all have the protective seal on them.”
Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous - how do you get this off?! You do it for me!”
(I take the seal off and hand it back to her.)
Customer: “But look at this! It’s left this sticky residue!”
Me: “It washes off easily, actually.”
Customer: “I don’t want to wash anything! That’s stupid!”
Me: “Don’t you wash your knives before you use them?”
Customer: “DON’T get smart with me! This is a horrible way to sell a knife.”
Me: “So, we should sell the knives without a seal or any kind of protection?”
Customer: “YES! Exactly! It’ll make using it at home easier!”
Department Store | Bradenton, FL, USA
(I work in the Fragrance and Cosmetics department, and one slow night I had this phone conversation.)
Customer: “Hi, I bought a lipstick earlier today and I can’t work it.”
Me: “Um, OK. What exactly do you mean?”
Customer: “I just…I can’t work it.”
Me: “All right, well, some of them are packaged weird. What brand is it?”
Customer: “Lancome.”
Me: “Those are pretty standard, they work just like any other lipstick.”
Customer: “But how do I work it?”
Me: “Um, you just twist the top part in one direction, and the bottom part in the other direction.”
Customer: “But after I do that, how do I get it back in?”
Me: “You do the same thing, only in reverse.”
Customer: “But there’s a hole in the top. Is this the kind I can’t carry in my purse? It would get all over everything.”
Me: “Um, well, the lid is reusable. You can put it back on the lipstick after you twist it back down.”
Customer: “Oh, that part can go back on. I see! How clever.”
Department Store | El Paso, TX, USA
(My checkout is right at the top of the escalators, with four kids ranging in age from about 7-13 were playing on them.)
Me: “Guys, please don’t play on the escalators, you could get hurt.”
(The kids go away for all of a minute, then return.)
Me: “I asked you to please stop playing on the escalator.”
(A woman emerges from a display a few yards away.)
Customer: “Don’t tell my kids what to do!”
Me: “Ma’am, then please keep them away from the escalators, its dangerous.”
Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!”
(Just then, one of her little kids falls down the escalator.)
Me: “You were saying, ma’am?”
Customer: *storms off*
Related: I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit
Department Store | Philadelphia, PA, USA
(A young woman wanders up to the bridal registry counter, her eyes and mouth wide open in amazement. She is alone - no cell phone or bluetooth headset in sight.)
Me: “What can I help you with?”
Customer: “Wow! You know why I’m here?!”
Me: “…I don’t know why you’re here, ma’am, but what can I help you with?”
Customer: *aside* “HOLD ON MOM!” *to me* “I need Emily’s registry.”
Me: “I have more then one Emily in the system…do you know her last name, or the groom’s name?”
Customer: “More then one Emily? WOW! His name is Rocco!”
Me: “I don’t have an Emily and a Rocco….”
(The customer grabs my computer screen so she can see, and points at an e-mail address on the screen.)
Customer: “Rockinred@***.com - THAT’S HIM!!”
Me: “That’s his e-mail address, not his name. His name is Richard.”
Customer: “THAT’S WHAT THEY CALL HIM! HOLD ON, MOM!”
Me: “Okay, he goes by his e-mail address. That’ll be right up for you.”
(Customer wanders off, staring at nearby shiny objects.)
Department Store | Los Angeles, CA, USA
(I have a flat screen TV near my workplace that was showing a recent cartoon on DVD: “Tinkerbell”. A customer comes by with
her toddler daughter in the cart, and watches a bit of the movie with the child.)
Customer: “Aw, that’s cute! What movie is that?”
Me: “It’s Tinkerbell“.
Customer: “My little girl likes that one. How much is it?”
Me: “It’s new, so it should be around 15 to 20 dollars.”
Customer: “15 to 20 dollars?! That’s almost all of my beer money!”
Department Store | Redding, CA, USA
(A woman comes into the store just before closing, and asks where our muffin pans are.)
Me: “Right this way…”
Customer: “So how do you make muffins?”
Me: “Well… I guess you’d just have to buy a box of muffin mix and read the directions.”
Customer: “Well, what do you usually put IN muffins?”
Me: There’s the mix, then the eggs, then the milk, or possibly water….”
Customer: “What do I do with all of that?”
Me: “Normally, you would mix the ingredients and put them in the muffin pan.”
Customer: “So I just pour them in the pan?”
Me: “You can… but most people put the batter in paper muffin cups.”
Customer: “So do I put the paper cups in before or after the batter?”
Me: “…”
Department Store | Ogallala, NE, USA
(A customer is buying a file cabinet. As I’m taking it out for her, the cabinet falls off of the hand truck and the lock gets pushed in.)
Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The damage isn’t bad. Would you like us to fix it for you?”
Customer: “I wanted to buy this undamaged!”
Me: “Of course, we could put together a new one for you.”
Customer: “I wanted this one.”
Me: “So shall I take it back and have it repaired?”
Customer: “I wanted it the way it was!”
Me: “I understand that, but the damage has been done. If you like, we can refund your money.”
Customer: “I don’t want a refund. ”
Me: “Okay… what do you want to do?”
Customer: “I wanted to buy this like it was.”
Me: *getting frustrated* “Okay, so what do you want to do?”
Customer: “I wanted to buy this cabinet like it was! Undamaged!”
Me: “Well, once you decide what you want to do, you let me know.”
(At this point, I take the cabinet into the back room and stay there. I never did find out what she did.)
Related:
Related:
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Mission: Impossible
Mission Impossible, Part 3
Department Store | Washington, USA
(I fix registers and self-checkout equipment at said store. I wear a badge, it states which company I work for and has a picture of me on it. It looks nothing like the name badges the store uses but everyone asks me if I work there or if I can help them. I always answer politely that I don’t and point them in the direction of someone who does. But this time…)
Me: *walking to back of store to fiddle with a printer that was acting up*
Lady: “Can you help us with picking a TV?”
Me: *Looks around* “Me?”
Lady’s Boyfriend: “Yes you, we need some help here.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t work here.”
Lady: “Look, I just want to know about some of the features.”
Me: *dumbfounded* “Like I said, I don’t work here.”
Lady’s Boyfriend: “Un-f***ing-believable…I guess this is what minimum wage pays for these days.”
Me: *snorts and starts to walk away*
Lady: “Well who the f*** is supposed to help us now?”
Me: “Maybe you should try asking someone with ***-**** written on their name tag, I’m sure they’d be glad to help you out seeing as they WORK here.”
Lady’s Boyfriend: “This is shoddy customer service! We want to speak to your manager right now!”
Me: *shakes head and walks off*
Lady & Boyfriend: *insert string of obscenities here*
(I saw them 10 minutes later as I was leaving the store, they were complaining to a department manager. I’m sure they were trying to describe me because he had a very confused look on his face. Poor guy.)
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