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    Go From Feeling Low To Feeling J-Lo

    | Cornelius, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (I am checking out a customer and her young son.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

    (Meanwhile her little boy is staring at me open mouthed. I figure it’s because I’m a little shorter, not as skinny as his mom, and have thick poofy hair that looks like it belongs to a witch. But I smile at him.)

    Me: “Hi!”

    Little Boy: *in awe* “Mommy! She’s pretty like Jennifer Lopez!”

    Me: *stares back in shock as my heart melts* “Aww! Compliment lying already! You’re going to make your girlfriend very happy when you get older!”

    Not So Rewarding, Part 2

    | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (Every winter my store offers a rewards program for store credit card holders. The program is heavily advertised, especially at the cash wrap. Regardless, this exchange happens at least once a day.)

    Me: “I see you’re paying with your [Store credit card]. Have you already enrolled in [rewards program]?”

    Customer: *hostile* “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a rewards program that—”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want anything to do with that!”

    Me: “Okay, your total will be—”

    Customer: *suspiciously eyeing rewards program advertisement* “What’s this 10% thing? I want 10%!”

    Me: “That’s [rewards program]. That—”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want it!”

    Related:
    Not So Rewarding

    Life Through An Outrageous Lens

    , | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (At six o’clock in the morning I have just arrived at my job selling cameras for an electronics/appliances store. A woman comes in, wearing either a pink track suit or her pajamas, I am not sure which.)

    Customer: *waving the store flyer at me* “I want to buy this special package! The one with a camera body and two lenses for $500!”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll start getting those things for you.”

    (I went about, gathering the individual items from stock. When I total it all up, the bill is over $650.)

    Customer: “This is too much! This ad says it is $500!”

    Me: *turn to the supervisor* “This bundle isn’t adding up the way the flyer says it should. What’s up?”

    (The supervisor looks at the bill on the computer, then at the flyer, and explains.)

    Supervisor: “This is a special package deal the manufacturer sent us. It has two lower-quality lenses and a camera body in one box. We only got six of those packages and they sold out hours ago.”

    Customer: “This says two lenses and a camera for $500! I want it for this price, not $650!”

    (The supervisor calls the shift manager, who is a woman not easily swayed and not one to be trifled with. She explains the situation to the customer again. The two of them try to talk sense into the customer while I quietly withdraw and look for something else to do, hoping I don’t get drawn back into the fray. Eventually, the customer gets the message, or so I think.)

    Customer: “I don’t care what you say. I want this package at this price. If you won’t sell it to me, I’m leaving and I’m not coming back, ever again!”

    (Then she storms off to another part of the store. I think she is gone for good, so I put the items back on the shelves. I just finish when the woman in the pink pajamas comes back.)

    Customer: “I have decided. I am going to teach this store a lesson! I am going to buy all those things, and then I will go to customer service and return them!”

    Me: “Madam, please don’t involve me in your revenge.”

    (With no other choice I get her order together again and this time, she lets me ring it up. She swipes her credit card while I put all the boxes in a bag. Then, true to her word, she stomps straight to customer service. After she’s gone, I ask the supervisor:)

    Me: “If I have another customer like that, do I have to put up with her, or can I just tell her to get lost?”

    Supervisor: “Just put up with it and ring her up. She’s not ‘hurting’ anyone but herself and her credit rating. Everyone from you to the credit card company will know she’s an idiot.”

    (I had to grin at that and went through the rest of my hectic day with a smile.)

    Acting Like It’s The End Of The World

    | Cornelius, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Three days ago the yarn was $1 and now it’s $3.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Why isn’t it $1?”

    Me: “Because it was on sale, but the sale ended yesterday.”

    Customer: *annoyed, hands on her hips* “Why did it do that?!”

    (I start laughing until I realize she’s dead serious. I quickly stop and look at her blankly.)

    Me: “Um… because that’s what sales do. They… end.”

    Number-Crusher

    | Cornelius, OR, USA | At The Checkout, One-Liners, Rude & Risque

    (I am 19 and working at the register in the slowest and emptiest part of the store, so I tend to get a lot of creepy people with no one in sight to help me. A customer in his 50s comes up and I ring him up. As I finish the transaction…)

    Customer: “So, do you have a boyfriend?”

    Me: *laughs, thinking he’s going to be sweet* “No.”

    Customer: “Wanna go out some time?”

    Me: “Oh, thank you but no.”

    Customer: *gets annoyed* “Why not?”

    Me: “Um… you’re just a little bit too old for me.”

    Customer: “You know, age is just a number in your mind…”

    Me: “Yeah, but yours is a REALLY big number…”

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