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    Acting Like It’s The End Of The World

    | Cornelius, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Three days ago the yarn was $1 and now it’s $3.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Why isn’t it $1?”

    Me: “Because it was on sale, but the sale ended yesterday.”

    Customer: *annoyed, hands on her hips* “Why did it do that?!”

    (I start laughing until I realize she’s dead serious. I quickly stop and look at her blankly.)

    Me: “Um… because that’s what sales do. They… end.”

    Number-Crusher

    | Cornelius, OR, USA | At The Checkout, One-Liners, Rude & Risque

    (I am 19 and working at the register in the slowest and emptiest part of the store, so I tend to get a lot of creepy people with no one in sight to help me. A customer in his 50s comes up and I ring him up. As I finish the transaction…)

    Customer: “So, do you have a boyfriend?”

    Me: *laughs, thinking he’s going to be sweet* “No.”

    Customer: “Wanna go out some time?”

    Me: “Oh, thank you but no.”

    Customer: *gets annoyed* “Why not?”

    Me: “Um… you’re just a little bit too old for me.”

    Customer: “You know, age is just a number in your mind…”

    Me: “Yeah, but yours is a REALLY big number…”

    A Photo Perfect Finish

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests

    (I work in the photo processing department of a large retailer. A customer comes in and starts thumbing through the 2×2″ square frames suitable for passport photos, etc. displayed on the processing counter.)

    Customer: *abruptly* “Excuse me, can you print photos at this size?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the smallest square size the printer will allow us to produce is 5×5″ – that paper is the smallest paper we have available.”

    Customer: “Well, what good is that? This is ridiculous.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s disgusting; this is false and misleading advertising! How dare you stock a product if you won’t stock the supplementary parts!”

    Me: “Using that same flawed logic, ma’am, you could argue that it’s false and misleading advertising insofar as we stock baby car-seats, but not cars – or babies!”

    (Customer blinked, stared blankly, and then stormed off.)

    Trying To Dress Themselves Up

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Family & Kids

    (A woman and her small child are walking through the men’s department.)

    Kid: “Are we allowed to be in here?”

    Woman: “Of course we are! Men don’t buy their own clothes anyway!”

    Has Beef With And In The Grill

    , | Beavercreek, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer walks up to the register with a [Famous-Name Brand] grill.)

    Me: “Is this a return?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought this two days ago and it does not work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; do you want a replacement?”

    Customer: “No, I would never buy that product again.”

    (I process the return, apologize to the customer, and he walks away. I go through the grill to process the defective merchandise ticket when I notice a funky odor. I open it up, and there is a steak on the grill. My coworker peers over my shoulder.)

    Coworker: “Free food!”


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