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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Opinion-Hated

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a very high-end store. One of the perks we enjoy is that every year we get exclusive collections of expensive clothing, furniture, and other household items that you wouldn’t be able to find anywhere else. On this particular day a woman storms up to my register brandishing a piece of silverware from one such collection.)

    Woman: “Hey, do you have any more of these in stock?”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. We just got a fresh shipment in last week.”

    Woman: “Good, I’ll take two sets to be delivered to my apartment. And be quick about it! I have to catch a train in ten minutes!”

    (Ignoring her abrasive attitude, I quickly and efficiently ring her up, get her shipping details, and log the silverware to be sent off. She then practically rips the receipt out of my machine the instant it’s printed and runs out of my area. I think nothing more of this and go back to tidying the shelves up when, around an hour later, I get paged to help someone in the kitchen area nearby. Upon walking over I discover the same woman being helped by one of my co-workers.)

    Coworker: “Ah, [My Name], this woman here is wondering if we have any pots and pans that match the silverware she just purchased from you. Thought you might be able to help her out with that. She’s in a bit of a hurry.”

    (The woman looks at me and promptly turns sheet white.)

    Me: “Hello again! Um… did your train get delayed?”

    Coworker: “Train? No, she said she had a dental appointment.”

    Me: “Oh… well, I’m sorry. I heard train and—”

    (The woman promptly cuts me off with an agonizing scream.)

    Woman: “Okay I admit it! I hate your f****ing store and every d*** s***-head that works here! If I had my way I’d have had this whole block demolished decades ago, but you’re the only place that carries [Designer] brand exclusive items so I’m trying to just get my stuff and get out of here as quick as possible so I don’t have to spend too long speaking to you f***ers! There, you happy now?!”

    Me: *stunned* “Well… uh… not really, but if it helps at all you don’t have to lie to us like that. We can handle the occasional low opinion.”

    Woman: “Burn in Hell!” *storms out*

    The Application Of Reality

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is the Saturday before Christmas and the store is extremely busy. Every employee is required to work, and even the store manager is on the sales floor helping customers.)

    Customer: “I need you to help me find this item from your ad.”

    Me: “Certainly. Just let me finish with the customer I am helping now, and then I can help you.”

    Customer: “I can’t wait for you to finish. Isn’t there someone else who can help me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it is extremely busy today. I will be with you as soon as I can.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager. This is unacceptable.”

    Me: *pointing to the register next to me* “She is with a customer right now, but I’m sure she will be happy to speak to you once she has finished.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! You need to hire more help!”

    Me: “You are absolutely right, and as soon as I finish with this customer I will be happy to get you an application.”

    I Used To Work Here, Does Not Work Here

    | NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m currently shopping at a department store. I did in fact work in this store… more than ten years ago. Since then it has renovated twice, totally reorganizing the layout and expanding the tiny grocery section to nearly full supermarket size, but because I shop there so often I know my way around. I also have long hair, for a male, that I keep well washed and trimmed in a ponytail.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me, I know you don’t work here, but do you know where [products] are?”

    Me: “Last I saw them, they were down just on the other side of the produce stuff.”

    Customer #1: “Thank you!”

    (Another customer approaches after this exchange.)

    Customer #2: “Wait, you work here?”

    Me: “Not for about a decade, no.”

    Customer #2: “Then why did you help her?”

    Me: “Because she asked and I knew?”

    Customer #2: “Well, that’s horribly rude of you! You’re taking away the jobs of the people that still work!”

    Me: “No, I was saving someone the hassle of either finding an employee, or buzzing for one and having to wait.”

    Customer #2: “That’s still the employees’ job! And what, you quit a decade ago and you’re still not working?!”

    Me: *laughing at this point* “Are you serious? WHY would you think that?!”

    Customer #2: “That ridiculous hair of yours, for one. You look like a slob!”

    Me: “Funny, that’s not what the CEO of the company said when he was congratulating me on my promotion to the manager of the shipping department where I work now. Now, do YOU need help finding anything? Or can I get back to getting my groceries?”

    (I’m not sure whether she was more astounded by the fact that I ‘dared’ talk back to her, or that I was calm yet laughing the whole time, but she was still giving me a death glare when I went to go about my business!)

    Thank You For Your Non Custom

    | OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve just gotten off work and run to a nearby store to pick up a few things. At work, we wear vests and leave them there after our shifts, so I’m wearing ‘normal’ clothing; a black shirt, jeans, and flats. In no way do I look like I’m working, or like I work for the store I’m shopping in.)

    Other Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find something?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t work here and this is my first time shopping here. I just saw an employee stocking in the next aisle, though. He may be able to help.”

    Other Customer: “But you work at [My Store]! I saw you earlier!”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Other Customer: “So why won’t you help me?”

    Me: “Because I’m not at work? This isn’t my store. I can’t be of assistance.”

    Other Customer: “You provide terrible customer service! I’m reporting you!”

    (She did indeed report me to my manager. He couldn’t stop laughing and just said that he doesn’t understand why all of the weird things only happen to me. Indeed, when the lady came through my line a few days later, she demanded that I accept a return of the items she bought at the other store where I “wouldn’t help her.” I don’t think she understands how stores work.)

    I Know Better Than To Work Here

    | Blaine, MN, USA | One-Liners, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m shopping at the local [Largest Retailer in America] just after leaving work elsewhere. I’m not wearing any clothes that look anything like this company’s uniforms. I’m in the bottled water aisle, looking for a particular brand when this happens.)

    Customer: *asks something as though I were an employee*

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I don’t work here. I have no idea.”

    Customer: “Oh, sorry.”

    (I get a thought just as she’s about to head off…)

    Me: “Out of curiosity, what made you think I work here?”

    Customer: “You just looked like you knew what you were doing.”

    Me: *laughs* “I do, and that’s why I don’t work here.”

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