November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

And Behind Curtain Number One

| MN, USA | Bad Behavior

(My mom and I are trying on some clothes in the dressing rooms and we hear this coming from further down the hall.)

Lady Customer: “Honey, I have to finish trying on my stuff. You’ll have to wait… No, you have to stay… Put those pants back on!… Don’t you dare pee in here!”

(We were done and starting to leave at the last one, and at the entry of the dressing room are two wide-eyed workers.)

Worker #1: “I so don’t want to clean that up.”

Worker #2: “What if she peed on some clothing?!”

(Poor, poor workers.)

Not A Very De-Scent Thing To Do

| Loveland, CO, USA | Bizarre

(I approach a customer who’s been staring at the cologne for a little while.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Which one of these do women like?”

Me: “Um, all of them? I can tell you what I like, but it really depends on the woman. I would suggest you choose something you like first and foremost. What scents have you worn and liked in the past?”

(He shows me a few and I help him choose one that fits his preference, though it’s not my taste at all. I hand him an unopened box and go to set the tester bottle back down when he snatches it from my hand and sprays it directly on me.)

Customer: “There! Now you’ll smell like me!” *grins and walks away*

(This was 20 minutes into an eight-hour shift. I had to smell like that stuff until we closed and I could go home and wash it off.)

Trying To Re-Coup The Coupon

| Westland, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(I am working the return desk at a major department store. We offer a dollar-off coupon for every x amount the customer spends, to be used at a later date. If the customer returns products from the original purchase and the return brings the total under x amount, it makes the dollar off coupon void.)

Me: “Okay, you are going to get $35.76 credited back to your Visa, and it will deactivate your [dollar off coupon].”

Customer: “What do you mean, it will deactivate it?!”

Me: “The coupon will no longer be valid. By returning these items, it drops your purchasing total below x amount, which was what you needed to earn the coupon.”

Customer: “But I had PLANS for that [dollar off coupon]! I was going to buy my daughter new shoes!”

Me: “I apologize for that, ma’am, but I cannot override the system. Once you return products and the total drops below x amount, the coupon is no longer valid.”

Customer: “Well, I still have the coupon right here!” *waves the physical [dollar off coupon] in the air* “I’m not gonna give it to you, so I am just going to take it right up to the register and use it! HA!” *she actually laughed right in my face*

Me: “Well, it actually deactivated electronically, not manually, so the cashier would see that it does not have any balance on it. You can—”

Customer: “But, but… THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if you would like, you can make another purchase, and if that purchase and your old purchase combine to equal more than x amount, I can issue you a new dollar off coupon.”

Customer: “No, no, no! I shouldn’t have to spend more money. I already earned that dollar-off coupon when I made THIS purchase! You are just trying to rip us hard working people off so you can pocket more money! I was going to get my daughter shoes, so I guess you want my daughter to walk around barefoot, looking homeless, and catching some wild disease. You want my daughter to die!”

(She storms off, exiting our store for the rest of the mall, still raving about how I want to kill her child.)

Me: *to my coworker* “Well, if she needed shoes for her daughter that badly, maybe she shouldn’t be purchasing $70 worth of nail polish and fragrance.”

(That customer called to complain to my manager, saying I “threatened the life of her and her child,” and chased her out of the store. Of course, my coworker vouched for me about the threats, but even my manager didn’t believe that I chased her out of the store!)

The Color Of Stupid, Part 2

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I have some old photos that I want printed, but I want them to be in colour.”

Me: “Okay, sir, we don’t actually Photoshop colour into the photos here. You’ll have to use a different service for that. We only print and copy photos.

Customer: What are you talking about? Just scan the photos and colour copy them.”

Me: “Oh, so the photos are already in colour?”

Customer: “You’re not listening to me. The photos are in black and white so I want you to make a colour copy of them so they come out in colour.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not how photos work. I can’t bring colour out of a photo that has no colour to begin with.”

Customer: *now yelling* “Just listen to me and maybe you’ll get it through your thick head! Just copy… my black… and white photos… in COLOUR.

(I take one final attempt to explain it to him.)

Customer: “FINE. If you won’t do that, I’ll just have to take a photo of the black and white photo with my colour camera, and then you can print that out because it will be in colour! Or are you too dumb to figure that out as well?”

(I hung up after that point. I truly worry about people.)

The Color Of Stupid

A Passport For Bad Behavior

| London, England, UK | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

(I am working over the Christmas holidays in a very fancy shop, so much so that it is a pretty famous tourist destination. An American woman in her sixties comes in wearing a long black fur coat, fur hat, and various gold rings – the epitome of glamour. She starts looking at our most expensive leather wallets.)

Me: “Hi, are you looking for anything in particular?”

Customer: “I need a wallet for my husband.”

Me: “Any particular kind?”

Customer: “It has to be large enough to fit a passport. He has to carry it everywhere now because he can’t use his driving license as identification any more. The cops took it away when they found him doing 150 miles per hour on the highway.”

(She shakes her head, as if to say ‘what is he like?’, and wanders off.)

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