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    Getting On Your Nerves

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (I am a dentist about to give a patient a shot of local anesthetic).

    Patient: “I hate needles. Will this hurt?”

    Me: “Just concentrate on taking nice, deep breaths. It’ll be
    over before you know it.”

    Patient: “Could you please tell me when you’re ready to give
    the shot? I need to know!”

    Me: “Sure. I’ll give it on the count of three. Ready? One, two–”

    Patient: *screams* “You’re killing me! It hurts so much!”

    Me: “I haven’t actually given you the shot yet.”

    Patient: “Oh. Well, um, I was just practicing for when you did.”

    Toothless Accusations

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Patient: “How much is my total?”

    Receptionist: “$200.”

    Patient: “What? That’s ridiculous! I should get a discount because I come here so much.”

    Receptionist: “Ah, well, we really don’t see you more than a couple of times a year for checkups.”

    Patient: “Well, he’s the most expensive dentist in the area.”

    (The dentist happens to walk by.)

    Patient: “Hey, doctor, you’re the most expensive dentist in the area!”

    Doctor: “Thank you. It’s not true, but thank you.” *walks away*

    Patient: “Are you sure you can’t give me a discount?”

    Receptionist: “Sorry.”

    Patient: “But I pay for his Bimmer!”

    (Note: The doctor actually drives a Honda.)

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