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    The Height Of Unreason, Part 2

    | UK | Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am sitting in front of my computer trying to get on with work whilst my colleague is dealing with a patient. Another patient approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Hi there! How can I help today?”

    Patient: “You know, you really should grow taller. I could hardly see you over the desk.”

    (I go on to sign the patient in, and continue with my work. 10 minutes later, the patient comes back to the desk.)

    Patient: “You know, you’re still no taller; you really need to grow.”

    (I take the patient’s money, and she leaves.)

    Me: *to my colleague* “Did I just get told off for not growing any taller in the space of 10 minutes?”

    Colleague: “Erm, yes, I think you did.”

    Related:
    The Height of Unreason

    Some Customers Are Like Pulling Teeth

    | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (My boss has informed me that his best friend has unexpectedly died, and that he will need to cancel his appointments for the next two days. I’m currently on the phone to a patient who is notorious for being difficult.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [me] calling on behalf of [dentist]. I’m calling to inform you that due to unfortunate circumstances, [dentist] will have to cancel your appointment for Friday. I do apologize for the inconvenience, but would you like to take the time to reschedule?”

    Patient: “Seriously? This is unacceptable. I’ve already cleared my schedule just so that I can be there. What is so d*** important that he can just cancel my appointment?”

    Me: “Well, sir, [dentist] will be taking time off to attend a funeral out of state. Again, I apologize for the inconvenience. I do have an opening two weeks from today. Would that work?”

    Patient: “No, no, I’ve already agreed to meet with my clients all that week. See, my time is actually worth something; I can’t just cancel on my client’s last minute like [dentist]. Honestly, how does he expect to stay in business if he cancels on his patients like this?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be sure to tell [dentist] that the next time one of his life-long friends unexpectedly dies, that he should be more considerate of his patients.”

    Patient: “See that you do!”

    A Horse Can Lead Itself To Water

    | East Coast, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (My father is a dentist, and he is known among his dentist friends for having insane patients. This one really takes the cake, though.)

    Dental Office: “Good morning, this is Dr. [name]‘s office. How may I help
    you?”

    Patient: “Yes, it’s [name]. I’d like to cancel my appointment for today.”

    Dental Office: “I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why you’re canceling?”

    Patient: “I have this awful toothache!”

    Loosely Based On A True Story

    | Madison, WI, USA |

    Patient: “I think there’s something wrong with my tooth.”

    Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

    Patient: “Well, I think it’s loose.”

    (The patient suddenly spits his tooth onto the counter in front of me.)

    Me: “Yes…yes, I think you’re right.”

    They Call Me Doctor DIY

    , , | New Jersey, USA |

    (We sell dental surgical products and sometimes have to give instructions on their usage. A doctor calls in from the operating room and has me on speakerphone while they’re operating on a patient, who may or may not be under anesthesia.)

    Doctor: “The screw is not going in. Which way do I turn it?”

    Me: “Clockwise.”

    Doctor: “Clockwise from above or below?”

    Me: “If you are looking at the head of the screw, then clockwise…to the right.”

    Doctor: “What do you mean to the right? Move the wrench to the right?”

    Me: “As the screw turns, and you are looking at the head, the top part will go to the right.”

    Doctor: “Okay, I think i got it.”

    Me: “Good. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.”

    Doctor: “What was that?”

    Me: “Uh, righty tighty, lefty loosey? That’s one way to remember. You go to the right to tighten, and the left to loosen.”

    Doctor: “Oh, I see. Righty tighty, lefty loosey!” *noise of wrench turning* “Righty tighty, lefty loosey. It’s working!”

    Me: “Great. All finished?”

    (The doctor suddenly speaks up much louder than before. It’s clear they’re not talking to me.)

    Doctor: “You’re all done then!”

    Patient: *in the distance* “Uh, thank you doctor.”


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