Well, That Narrows It Down

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(The guy asks for a couple of beef brisket sandwiches, but has not specified the type of bread.)

Me: “Sir, what type of bread would you like with your sandwiches?”

Customer: “Uhhh…”

Me: “We have wheat, rye, white, sourdough, 9 grain…”

Customer: “Do you have that one, you know, the square kind?”

Finger Lickin’ Good Parenting

, | Windsor, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(A man walks up to our hot case with his wife and two little girls.)

Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi – we wanted to get some chicken strips.”

(As I am taking his order, I notice his daughters licking the hot case glass.)

Me: “Excuse me sir, but your daughters are licking the glass.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well…aside from the fact that the glass is hot, we cleaned it this morning with a chemical cleaner to wash off a layer of grease build-up.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The chemical we used is a known carcinogen. I might suggest that you stop your daughters from ingesting it.”

Customer: “Look, lady. You’ve obviously never been a parent. When you have kids, you’ll learn that it’s MUCH easier to just let your kids do whatever they want.”

Would You Like French Resistance Fries With That

| Canberra, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Elderly customer: “SIX OF THE ENEMY PLEASE!”

Me: “… Sorry?”

Elderly customer: “Six of the german frankfurts!”

Me: “Oh, right…”

I’ll Have The Bacteria, Lettuce And Tomato

| Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the deli of a very small grocery store. My co-worker had just walked out of the deli, leaving me in the back alone.)

Cashier: “Deli, you have a customer!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t see you there. I was just washing my hands. Can I get you something?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES.”

(I know for a fact that he couldn’t have been there for more than a
minute, because my co-worker had just walked out.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said, I didn’t know you were out here. I was in the back, washing my hands and I can’t see you back there.”

Customer: “Well, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN OUT HERE. What were you doing in
the back? Your job is to wait on customers!”

Me: “I WAS WASHING MY HANDS.”

Customer: “I don’t see why you should have to do that.”

Me: “Me neither, sir.”

Fowl Mouthed

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want lunch meat.”

Me: *grinning* “You’ve come to the right place!”

Customer: “I don’t appreciate your attitude, you f***ing b***!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m paying for your brown a** to live here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m Irish. And I’ve lived here my entire life.”

Customer: “GIVE ME SOME F***ING TURKEY!”

Me: “What type of turkey would you like?”

Customer: “Plain!”

Me: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat free? We also have a wide selection of gourmet turkeys, such as honey maple and tomato basil.”

Customer: “My kid won’t eat that fancy s***! I just want some f***ing turkey!”

(The store manager has been standing behind her the entire time and speaks up.)

Manager: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat Free? She gave you the types, just f***ing pick a flavour so she can serve me so I can take my lunch!”

Customer: “F*** THIS COUNTRY!”

Related:
Fowl Behavior, Part 2
Fowl Behavior
Fowl Play

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