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    As Long As It Tastes Like Chicken

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Lady: “I’d like a half pound of ham.”

    (I slice the ham, wrap it, and hand it over.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am.”

    (She opens up the package, sniffs the ham and makes a face).

    Me: “Is there something wrong with the ham?”

    Lady: “Yes. It smells very hammy.”

    Me: “Am I to understand that you’re complaining that our ham smells like ham?”

    Lady: *walks away in a huff*

    Fowl Behavior, Part 2

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (At the deli where I work, every couple hours I cook up between 12 and 20 whole chickens. They’re kept in the hot holding cabinet for customers to grab.)

    Customer: “I need ten.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “These whole chickens. I need ten of them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, that’s all we have, because we’re closing soon.”

    Customer: *rolls her eyes and takes absolutely everything left out of the holding cabinet*

    (Another customer approaches me soon afterward.)

    Another customer: “Excuse me, that lady just grabbed a chicken out of my hands, claiming it was hers. Will there be any more?”

    (Yes, that’s right. The first lady was going around taking chickens from other customers. Unbelievable.)

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior

    The Infomercials Must Love You

    | Bay Area, CA, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the register with her sandwich purchase, which had sun-dried tomatoes on it.)

    Customer: “Do you make the sun-dried tomatoes here?”

    Me, jokingly: “Yes, we have several lawn chairs in back. We cut the tomatoes into little strips and leave them out there for a week or two. ”

    Customer: “Really?!”

    Me: “No, I was just kidding. We get them from a distributor. ”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not nice of you at all! When I was growing up I was always taught to believe things I was told by salespeople!”

    One Track Rind

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like 20 slices.”

    Me: “Would you like that thinly or regularly sliced, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, 20 slices.”

    Me: “Okay, and how would you like your 20 slices sliced, ma’am?”

    Customer: “20 slices.”

    Me: “Ma’am, would you like those slices THIN or REGULAR?”

    Customer: “Yes, 20 slices.”

    Me: “Alright, regular it is.”

    Related:
    Yum, Bible Ham Paste
    The Beauty Of A One Track Mind

    Singleminded

    , | Watertown, NY, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah I’d like a pound of cajun chicken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir but we don’t carry cajun chicken, would you like some buffalo chicken in substitute?”

    Customer: “Which cajun chicken do you have?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir but we don’t serve cajun chicken.”

    (My night manager is standing next to me. This guy goes on three more times, calm as can be, demanding cajun chicken.)

    Manager: “Sir…we don’t…would you like the santa fe chicken?”

    Customer: “I’d like the cajun chicken, where is your cajun chicken?”

    Me: *palmface*

    Manager: *slices santa fe chicken and wishes him a nice day*

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