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    Finger Lickin’ Good Parenting

    , | Windsor, CA, USA |

    (A man walks up to our hot case with his wife and two little girls.)

    Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi – we wanted to get some chicken strips.”

    (As I am taking his order, I notice his daughters licking the hot case glass.)

    Me: “Excuse me sir, but your daughters are licking the glass.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Well…aside from the fact that the glass is hot, we cleaned it this morning with a chemical cleaner to wash off a layer of grease build-up.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “The chemical we used is a known carcinogen. I might suggest that you stop your daughters from ingesting it.”

    Customer: “Look, lady. You’ve obviously never been a parent. When you have kids, you’ll learn that it’s MUCH easier to just let your kids do whatever they want.”

    Would You Like French Resistance Fries With That

    | Canberra, Australia |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Elderly customer: “SIX OF THE ENEMY PLEASE!”

    Me: “… Sorry?”

    Elderly customer: “Six of the german frankfurts!”

    Me: “Oh, right…”

    I’ll Have The Bacteria, Lettuce And Tomato

    | Indiana, USA |

    (I work in the deli of a very small grocery store. My co-worker had just walked out of the deli, leaving me in the back alone.)

    Cashier: “Deli, you have a customer!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t see you there. I was just washing my hands. Can I get you something?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES.”

    (I know for a fact that he couldn’t have been there for more than a
    minute, because my co-worker had just walked out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said, I didn’t know you were out here. I was in the back, washing my hands and I can’t see you back there.”

    Customer: “Well, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN OUT HERE. What were you doing in
    the back? Your job is to wait on customers!”

    Me: “I WAS WASHING MY HANDS.”

    Customer: “I don’t see why you should have to do that.”

    Me: “Me neither, sir.”

    Fowl Mouthed

    | Windsor, ON, Canada |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want lunch meat.”

    Me: *grinning* “You’ve come to the right place!”

    Customer: “I don’t appreciate your attitude, you f***ing b***!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I’m paying for your brown a** to live here!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m Irish. And I’ve lived here my entire life.”

    Customer: “GIVE ME SOME F***ING TURKEY!”

    Me: “What type of turkey would you like?”

    Customer: “Plain!”

    Me: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat free? We also have a wide selection of gourmet turkeys, such as honey maple and tomato basil.”

    Customer: “My kid won’t eat that fancy s***! I just want some f***ing turkey!”

    (The store manager has been standing behind her the entire time and speaks up.)

    Manager: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat Free? She gave you the types, just f***ing pick a flavour so she can serve me so I can take my lunch!”

    Customer: “F*** THIS COUNTRY!”

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior, Part 2
    Fowl Behavior
    Fowl Play

    As Long As It Tastes Like Chicken

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Lady: “I’d like a half pound of ham.”

    (I slice the ham, wrap it, and hand it over.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am.”

    (She opens up the package, sniffs the ham and makes a face).

    Me: “Is there something wrong with the ham?”

    Lady: “Yes. It smells very hammy.”

    Me: “Am I to understand that you’re complaining that our ham smells like ham?”

    Lady: *walks away in a huff*

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