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  • Kosher Klash

    | North Miami, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Could I have a hot dog?”

    Me: “Sure, would you like any toppings?”

    Customer: “Cheese, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a Kosher deli and as per our religious belief, we cannot serve cheese with certain kinds of meat.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not Kosher, so I want cheese on my hot dog.”

    Me: “Well, even if I was permitted to serve that, which I’m not, we do not have any cheese which would be suitable for melting onto the hot dog.”

    Customer: “Well fine, then I’ll take my business elsewhere! I’m not going to stand here and be discriminated against! You Kosher people should just go back to…Kosheria or wherever it is you come from!”

    Psychic Psycho(Deli)c

    | Loxahatchee, FL, USA |

    Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: I”’d like half a pound of [brand that we carry] ham, and a quarter of a pound of [brand we do NOT carry] Swiss cheese.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we don’t carry the brand of cheese you were looking for. Can I get you something else?”

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t carry it? I just bought it here last week!”

    Me: “But we don’t carry it ma’am. We do have about five other Swiss cheeses to choose from.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? I’m looking right at the cheese I want!”

    (I walk around the counter to see her pointing at the regular brand of cheese that we’ve always carried, not the brand she was asking for.

    Me: “Oh, you asked for a different brand. I’m sorry about that, I’ll just go ahead and cut it.”

    Customer: “No , this is what I meant I wanted. You should have known!”

    Me: “I should have known what you really wanted when you said you wanted something else?”

    Customer: “Of course! Isn’t that part of your job?”

    To Keel A Chicken Bird

    | USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a piece of white meat.”

    Me: “Would you like a rib or a keel?”

    Customer: “What’s a keel?”

    Me: “The center cut of the best, the middle bone is the sternum.”

    Customer: “What, no that’s dark meat. The sternum is in the back of the animal.”

    Me: “In chickens, they have an elongated sternum for their wing muscles.”

    Customer: “I know every bone in the human body! The sternum is in the back!”

    Hamming It Up

    | Liberty, MO, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m not sure what to get. Do you have any suggestions?”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am! The oven roasted turkey is very popular, and the black pepper chicken is quite good.”

    Customer: “What about this ham, have you tried it?”

    Me: “I haven’t, no, but would you like a sample?”

    Customer: “Why haven’t you tried it? Is it gross?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t tried it because it’s not kosher.”

    Customer: “You work here, you should have tried everything!”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am. Would you like a sample?”

    Customer: “No! I want you to try it first!”

    Me: “I’m not going to eat the ham.”

    Customer: “Well that’s not very Christian of you, is it?”

    Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical, Part 2

    | Minnesota |

    Customer: “If I order a meat and cheese tray, do I have to get meat and cheese?”

    Me: “Well, we have other trays, like vegetable and fried appetizer trays.”

    Customer: “No, I want a meat and cheese tray. Do I have to get meat and cheese?”

    Me: *confused* “… You want just meat or just cheese? Is that what you want?”

    Customer: “NO! I want a meat and cheese tray and I want to know if I have to get meat and cheese!”

    Related:
    The Danger With Rhetorical Questions
    Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical

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