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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Saving The Duke From The Puke

    | West Jefferson, NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I’ll have two pounds of mac & cheese, 3 pounds of potato wedges, 2 pounds of boneless wings, and 10 cheese sticks. I also need 4 pounds of cooked ham, sliced on a #2.”

    Me: “Alright! Having a party, huh?”

    Customer: “No, this is for my dog.”

    Me: *taken off-guard* “Oh…” *jokingly* “…well, is he having a party then?”

    Customer:  “I don’t appreciate your tone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was only kidding.”

    (I fill her order in silence. After weighing the potato wedges, she says…)

    Customer: “Can’t you go any faster?! The Duke will surely starve!”

    Me: “I’ll do the best I can, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, see that you do! My sweet doggie is hungry!”

    (Meanwhile, a man walks up and begins talking to the customer while I finish her order. This takes about 10 minutes, as I have to cook more chicken. As I turn around from the meat slicer to give her the last bag of sliced ham, I see her walking away with the man. She has left her entire order on the counter.)

    Me: “Ma’am! MA’AM! Your order, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Oh, nevermind, dear! He brought me some dog food from the pet aisle!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (She wasted at least $40 worth of food!)

    Wishful Inching

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A customer and her husband are ordering our store-made bologna, which is an elongated, flesh-coloured shape.)

    Customer: “I don’t want it sliced. Just cut me a piece about 1 inch long.”

    Husband: “So, about this much.” *holds up two fingers about 4 inches apart*

    (The wife and I both grin.)

    Customer: “That isn’t one inch!”

    Me: “Well, we all know how men like to exaggerate about the size of their meat.”

    Half Cooked For The Half Minded

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like half a chicken please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we seem to be out. The next load should be ready in about 15-20 minutes.”

    Customer: “But I just want a half, not a whole one!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about the wait. As soon as they finish cooking, I will cut you one straight away.”

    Customer: “But I just want a half! Can’t you just get one out of the oven now and cut it for me?”

    Me: “Um, no. If I took one out early and cut it, it wouldn’t be cooked in the middle.”

    Customer: “But I only want a half chicken! It should take less time to cook than a whole one!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I have to wait for them to finish. I promise I will cut you one straight away.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re making this so difficult for me to buy half a chicken!” *storms off*

    Getting Pork(ed)

    | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “I would like a pound of vagina ham.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “A pound of vagina ham, please!”

    Me: “Don’t you mean Virginia ham?”

    Customer: “Virginia ham, vagina ham, whatever! Just give me a pound of it.”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “Yeah, slice it real nice.”

    What You Don’t Nose Can’t Hurt You

    | Pannawonica, WA, Australia | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can I get forty cents worth of Chicos?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I start putting gloves on.)

    Customer: “Oh, you don’t need to put gloves on.”

    Me: “Are you sure?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure you don’t pick your nose anymore than I do.”

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