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    Not To La-Boar The Point, Part 3

    | Knoxville, TN, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    Customer: *places foil wrapped ham on counter* “I ordered a spiral sliced ham and you gave me a turkey!”

    Me: “Okay, let me just see the turkey.” *I open the foil and see that it is definitely a ham* “Ma’am, this is a ham.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. That is a turkey! I think I know what ham looks like.”

    Me: “Can you see the bone and the pinkish color? The turkey is boneless and white.”

    Customer: “I know what a ham looks like and that is a turkey!”

    Me: “I assure you it’s a ham. Would you like to sample it?”

    (She samples the ham and looks flustered.)

    Customer: “Oh just give me whatever the h*** that thing is!”

    Related:
    Not To La-Boar The Point, Part 2
    Not To La-Boar The Point

    Deli-cate Situation

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Hello, this is–”

    Caller: “Baby, what are you doing? Want to come over later?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: *laughs* “You heard me, baby.”

    Me: “Sir, I think you may have the wrong number. This is a deli.”

    Caller: “Woah, are you serious?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Caller: “I’m so sorry!”

    Me: “It’s okay.”

    Caller: “So…do you want to come over?

    Kosher Klash

    | North Miami, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Could I have a hot dog?”

    Me: “Sure, would you like any toppings?”

    Customer: “Cheese, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a Kosher deli and as per our religious belief, we cannot serve cheese with certain kinds of meat.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not Kosher, so I want cheese on my hot dog.”

    Me: “Well, even if I was permitted to serve that, which I’m not, we do not have any cheese which would be suitable for melting onto the hot dog.”

    Customer: “Well fine, then I’ll take my business elsewhere! I’m not going to stand here and be discriminated against! You Kosher people should just go back to…Kosheria or wherever it is you come from!”

    Psychic Psycho(Deli)c

    | Loxahatchee, FL, USA |

    Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: I”’d like half a pound of [brand that we carry] ham, and a quarter of a pound of [brand we do NOT carry] Swiss cheese.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we don’t carry the brand of cheese you were looking for. Can I get you something else?”

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t carry it? I just bought it here last week!”

    Me: “But we don’t carry it ma’am. We do have about five other Swiss cheeses to choose from.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? I’m looking right at the cheese I want!”

    (I walk around the counter to see her pointing at the regular brand of cheese that we’ve always carried, not the brand she was asking for.

    Me: “Oh, you asked for a different brand. I’m sorry about that, I’ll just go ahead and cut it.”

    Customer: “No , this is what I meant I wanted. You should have known!”

    Me: “I should have known what you really wanted when you said you wanted something else?”

    Customer: “Of course! Isn’t that part of your job?”

    To Keel A Chicken Bird

    | USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a piece of white meat.”

    Me: “Would you like a rib or a keel?”

    Customer: “What’s a keel?”

    Me: “The center cut of the best, the middle bone is the sternum.”

    Customer: “What, no that’s dark meat. The sternum is in the back of the animal.”

    Me: “In chickens, they have an elongated sternum for their wing muscles.”

    Customer: “I know every bone in the human body! The sternum is in the back!”


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