Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
    (2,060 thumbs up)
  • April Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    Wishful Inching

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (A customer and her husband are ordering our store-made bologna, which is an elongated, flesh-coloured shape.)

    Customer: “I don’t want it sliced. Just cut me a piece about 1 inch long.”

    Husband: “So, about this much.” *holds up two fingers about 4 inches apart*

    (The wife and I both grin.)

    Customer: “That isn’t one inch!”

    Me: “Well, we all know how men like to exaggerate about the size of their meat.”

    Half Cooked For The Half Minded

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like half a chicken please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we seem to be out. The next load should be ready in about 15-20 minutes.”

    Customer: “But I just want a half, not a whole one!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about the wait. As soon as they finish cooking, I will cut you one straight away.”

    Customer: “But I just want a half! Can’t you just get one out of the oven now and cut it for me?”

    Me: “Um, no. If I took one out early and cut it, it wouldn’t be cooked in the middle.”

    Customer: “But I only want a half chicken! It should take less time to cook than a whole one!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I have to wait for them to finish. I promise I will cut you one straight away.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re making this so difficult for me to buy half a chicken!” *storms off*

    Getting Pork(ed)

    | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “I would like a pound of vagina ham.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “A pound of vagina ham, please!”

    Me: “Don’t you mean Virginia ham?”

    Customer: “Virginia ham, vagina ham, whatever! Just give me a pound of it.”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “Yeah, slice it real nice.”

    What You Don’t Nose Can’t Hurt You

    | Pannawonica, WA, Australia |

    Customer: “Can I get forty cents worth of Chicos?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I start putting gloves on.)

    Customer: “Oh, you don’t need to put gloves on.”

    Me: “Are you sure?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure you don’t pick your nose anymore than I do.”

    Her Head’s Up Where That Sandwich Is

    | Kirksville, MO, USA |

    Me: “Hi, can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like about a pound of honey maple ham, shaved.”

    Me: “Alrighty.”

    (I start slicing.)

    Customer: “I just want you to know, honey maple ham sliced by your hands is like eating a sandwich made of clouds.”

    Me: “Um, thank you?”


    Page 3/812345...Last