November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Genetically Modified Turkey

| MI, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Geeks Rule

Customer: “Hi, yes, could I please have a pound of mystique turkey please?”

Me: *not quite catching what they said* “I’m sorry, did you say mesquite turkey?”

Customer: “Yes, mystique turkey!”

Me: “Actually, it’s mesquite smoked turkey, Mystique is a character in X-Men.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, just get me some mystique turkey, please.”

Me: “Mystique turkey coming right up! And I’ll change it blue for you, too!”

Winging For More

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(It is late morning and I’ve just put out a fresh tray of barbecue wings in our wing bar. A tray holds 30-40 wings, or 4-5 pounds. As I’m walking back behind the counter, this happens:)

Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

(I turn around and see that the man has taken the entire tray of BBQ wings.)

Me: “Uh… I can make some more. It’ll take 15 or 20 minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

(Feeling annoyed, I fry and sauce another tray’s worth of BBQ wings. When I put the new ones out, the customer again scoops every single one into buckets.)

Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

Me: “How many wings do you need, sir?”

Customer: “I dunno, like 200 or something.”

Me: “Uh… to make that many, it would take me at least 45 minutes, probably an hour.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

Me: *screaming bloody murder inside* “Uh, next time, sir, you might want to call us and place your order ahead of time, for your convenience.”

Customer: “Yeah, right. Who has time to do that?!”

Hamming Up The Translation

| Orlando, FL, USA | Language & Words

(One of my coworkers is Turkish, but because of her skin tone, she is often mistaken for Hispanic.)

Customer: *in Spanish* “Can you get me some ham?”

Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.”

Customer: *in Spanish* “Don’t lie to me, you b****. I want some ham right now!”

Me: *in Spanish* “I can help you, sir.”

(He looks at me with bewilderment, obviously not expecting a white person to be able to speak Spanish.)

Customer: “Sorry, I no speak English.” *to my coworker, in Spanish* “I told you to get me some ham!”

Coworker: “I don’t understand, sir. I not Spanish; I am from Turkey.”

Me: *in Spanish* “She doesn’t speak Spanish, sir. She’s actually from Turkey. I can get you some ham if you’ll tell me what kind you want.”

(He slams both hands down hard on the counter.)

Customer: *in English* “What kind of store is this?! The Spanish person doesn’t speak Spanish but the white person does?! I’m not shopping here!”

(He stormed out of the store, almost breaking the glass door.)

Having Beef With Telling Porkies

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like a pound of chipped beef.”

Me: “So a pound of roast beef chipped?”

Customer: “No, chipped beef.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only have roast beef and corned beef.”

(The lady dismisses me, and then scans our meat selection.)

Customer: “Here! Chopped ham! That’s what I’m looking for.”

Me: *surprised* “Oh, I thought you were looking for chipped beef.”

Customer: “That’s what that is. You take the chopped ham and chip it, and then it becomes chipped beef!”

Gives New Meaning To ‘Can I Take Your Order’

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am in line at a deli. You place your order at the front counter, they make it, call out your name, and you pick it up at the back counter. It’s lunch time, so the line’s out the door.)

Employee: “Susan!”

(A male customer in a business suit walks up to the counter.)

Customer: “What’s the order?”

Employee: “Chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese.”

Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

Employee: “Jerry!”

Customer: “What’s that order?”

Employee: “Do you not remember what name your order was under?”

Customer: “Nah, I just don’t feel like waiting in line, so I figured I’d just wait until a ham and cheese came up, and grab it.”