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    Hamming Up The Translation

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Language & Words

    (One of my coworkers is Turkish, but because of her skin tone, she is often mistaken for Hispanic.)

    Customer: *in Spanish* “Can you get me some ham?”

    Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.”

    Customer: *in Spanish* “Don’t lie to me, you b****. I want some ham right now!”

    Me: *in Spanish* “I can help you, sir.”

    (He looks at me with bewilderment, obviously not expecting a white person to be able to speak Spanish.)

    Customer: “Sorry, I no speak English.” *to my coworker, in Spanish* “I told you to get me some ham!”

    Coworker: “I don’t understand, sir. I not Spanish; I am from Turkey.”

    Me: *in Spanish* “She doesn’t speak Spanish, sir. She’s actually from Turkey. I can get you some ham if you’ll tell me what kind you want.”

    (He slams both hands down hard on the counter.)

    Customer: *in English* “What kind of store is this?! The Spanish person doesn’t speak Spanish but the white person does?! I’m not shopping here!”

    (He stormed out of the store, almost breaking the glass door.)

    Having Beef With Telling Porkies

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like a pound of chipped beef.”

    Me: “So a pound of roast beef chipped?”

    Customer: “No, chipped beef.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we only have roast beef and corned beef.”

    (The lady dismisses me, and then scans our meat selection.)

    Customer: “Here! Chopped ham! That’s what I’m looking for.”

    Me: *surprised* “Oh, I thought you were looking for chipped beef.”

    Customer: “That’s what that is. You take the chopped ham and chip it, and then it becomes chipped beef!”

    Gives New Meaning To ‘Can I Take Your Order’

    | PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am in line at a deli. You place your order at the front counter, they make it, call out your name, and you pick it up at the back counter. It’s lunch time, so the line’s out the door.)

    Employee: “Susan!”

    (A male customer in a business suit walks up to the counter.)

    Customer: “What’s the order?”

    Employee: “Chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese.”

    Customer: “No, that’s not it.”

    Employee: “Jerry!”

    Customer: “What’s that order?”

    Employee: “Do you not remember what name your order was under?”

    Customer: “Nah, I just don’t feel like waiting in line, so I figured I’d just wait until a ham and cheese came up, and grab it.”

    The Front End Is Affronted

    , | Saratoga, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a grocery store in the back in the deli. We have telephones in each department to call other departments and customers and for them to call us. In the summer the deli stays open longer for the tourists than the rest of year. It is now fall so we are closing earlier. We are in the middle of cleaning the department. The phone rings and my coworker answers:)

    Coworker: “Hello, deli department.”

    Coworker: *pause before he answers* “We closed at eight.”

    Coworker: *another pause, then:* “No, we currently close at eight.”

    (He hangs up and then several minutes later it rings again. He picks up again.)

    Coworker: “Hello, deli department.” *pause* “No, we do close at eight. We are not open to ten. We are open to eight.”

    (He hangs up and turns to me:)

    Coworker: “It was the same person and I am going to lose it if they call again!”

    (The phone rings a third time and this time I pick it up.)

    Me: “Hello, deli department. [My Name] speaking.”

    Customer: “The other guy told me you close at eight. I know you close at ten.”

    Me: “We used to close at ten. We are currently closing at eight. We were open later for summer but we are now closing at eight.”

    Customer: “You should be open until ten!” *hangs up*

    (The worst part was the customer was an employee from the front of the store!)

    Giving You No Middle-Ground

    | WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like that ham, please.”

    (The customer makes a vague gesture toward several trays of ham.)

    Me: *pointing to the ham closest to her hand wave* “This one?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: *pointing to another ham* “Was it this one?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Can you tell me what ham it says on the tag, ma’am?”

    Customer: *very rudely* “It’s the one in the middle!”

    (I look at the six trays of ham. There is no middle. This exchange goes repeats until I eventually point to the ham she wants.)

    Customer: “You should probably be more attentive, miss. I need some cheese now.”

    Me: “Of course. What kind would you like?”

    (The customer waves her hand toward the case containing over twenty kinds of cheeses.)

    Customer: “Give me two packages of that.”

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