Hey, [His Name]

, | Australia | At The Checkout, Funny Names

(At my deli we have a worker named Naim. We pronounce it exactly the same as the word ‘name.’)

Customer: “How long till the hot chickens come out?”

Coworker #1: “I’m not sure. Hey, Naim, do you know?”

Coworker #2: “Half an hour, I think—”

Customer: “That’s INCREDIBLY rude! Are you just too lazy to learn his name?”

Coworker #2: “But… that is my name.”

(He shows the customer his name tag, and she immediately brightens and apologises.)

Coworker #1: *starts laughing* “If I call anyone Nametag then I’ll be in trouble.” *turns to me* “Right, Nametag?”

(I can’t help but giggle, and the customer just rolls her eyes and walks away.)

Taking The Ham-Fisted Approach

, | Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work in a supermarket deli, and whilst we’ve never had any real problem customers, we do get plenty who come across as a little dim. One of my coworkers is getting sick of it.)

Coworker: “I don’t get it. How many people can there possibly be who can’t just READ the labels?”

(At this point, a customer walks up.)

Customer: “I want that ham.”

Coworker: “Sorry, which one?”

Customer: *points* “That ham.”

Coworker: “I can’t see where you’re pointing.”

Customer: *points again* “That ham.”

Coworker: “I can’t see where you’re pointing. Which ham are you pointing to?”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “That ham.”

(My coworker indicates to the top of the case, which is metal, she starts talking very slowly.)

Coworker: “See this? This is metal. I can’t see through metal! You’re going to have to READ the label.”

Customer: *points frantically* “Right there! That ham!”

(At this point, my coworker gives up, grabs a random ham, weighs it up and hands it to the customer, who snatches it and walks away. My coworker turns to me, wide-eyed.)

Coworker: “I’ll be surprised if I don’t get a complaint for that…”

Me: *shakes head* “You’re crazy.”

(After that outburst she was in a much better mood. She never did get a complaint but she scared herself into being a little more patient after that.)

Genetically Modified Turkey

| MI, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Geeks Rule

Customer: “Hi, yes, could I please have a pound of mystique turkey please?”

Me: *not quite catching what they said* “I’m sorry, did you say mesquite turkey?”

Customer: “Yes, mystique turkey!”

Me: “Actually, it’s mesquite smoked turkey, Mystique is a character in X-Men.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, just get me some mystique turkey, please.”

Me: “Mystique turkey coming right up! And I’ll change it blue for you, too!”

Winging For More

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(It is late morning and I’ve just put out a fresh tray of barbecue wings in our wing bar. A tray holds 30-40 wings, or 4-5 pounds. As I’m walking back behind the counter, this happens:)

Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

(I turn around and see that the man has taken the entire tray of BBQ wings.)

Me: “Uh… I can make some more. It’ll take 15 or 20 minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

(Feeling annoyed, I fry and sauce another tray’s worth of BBQ wings. When I put the new ones out, the customer again scoops every single one into buckets.)

Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

Me: “How many wings do you need, sir?”

Customer: “I dunno, like 200 or something.”

Me: “Uh… to make that many, it would take me at least 45 minutes, probably an hour.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

Me: *screaming bloody murder inside* “Uh, next time, sir, you might want to call us and place your order ahead of time, for your convenience.”

Customer: “Yeah, right. Who has time to do that?!”

Hamming Up The Translation

| Orlando, FL, USA | Language & Words

(One of my coworkers is Turkish, but because of her skin tone, she is often mistaken for Hispanic.)

Customer: *in Spanish* “Can you get me some ham?”

Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.”

Customer: *in Spanish* “Don’t lie to me, you b****. I want some ham right now!”

Me: *in Spanish* “I can help you, sir.”

(He looks at me with bewilderment, obviously not expecting a white person to be able to speak Spanish.)

Customer: “Sorry, I no speak English.” *to my coworker, in Spanish* “I told you to get me some ham!”

Coworker: “I don’t understand, sir. I not Spanish; I am from Turkey.”

Me: *in Spanish* “She doesn’t speak Spanish, sir. She’s actually from Turkey. I can get you some ham if you’ll tell me what kind you want.”

(He slams both hands down hard on the counter.)

Customer: *in English* “What kind of store is this?! The Spanish person doesn’t speak Spanish but the white person does?! I’m not shopping here!”

(He stormed out of the store, almost breaking the glass door.)

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