Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver
    (1,731 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    A Close Shave With Stupidity

    | USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I would like four half pound packages of bologna. I want three regular, and one THICK. I would also like a half pound of turkey and a fourth of a pound of roast beef SHAVED.”

    Me: *repeats order*

    Customer: “Thi-CK.”

    Me: “Yes. thick.”

    Customer: “Very well, then. I’m going to go shop around and come back.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I cut the order and the customer comes back.)

    Me: “Your order is all set, ma’am.”

    Customer: *examines it suspiciously* “This doesn’t look shaved.”

    Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag so you can take a look at it?”

    Customer: *threatening* “I just may.”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag, ma’am?”

    (There was another pause before the customer walked away with her deli order clutched tight. Customers often assumed cutting meat shaved is an exponential force multiplier leading to grand heaps of deli meat despite having only ‘cleverly’ ordered an infinitesimal amount of actual meat.)

    The Best Trait(or) Of A Good Customer

    , | Australia | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

    (I work for a well known supermarket that has exactly one equally popular competitor in Australia. It’s a well known ‘feud,’ if you will. A customer I don’t recognise comes in and starts looking closely at all our items.)

    Customer: *muttering to herself* “Um… can I ask you some stupid questions?”

    Me: *chuckling* “Of course.”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “I usually shop at [Competitor]…”

    (She seems like an understanding type, so I take a risk.)

    Me: “Traitor. We don’t like your kind.”

    Customer: *flails* “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me!”

    (We find everything she’s looking for and she starts walking away.)

    Me: “Thank you for shopping at [Store]!”

    Customer: “I might even come back! “

    Repeated Lottery Numbers

    , | Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    (I’ve been working here for two years and never been jokingly asked for the lotto numbers before.)

    Me: “Is there anything else today?”

    Customer #1: “The winning lotto numbers?”

    Me: “Aha, sir, if I had them I doubt I’d be working here.”

    (The customer laughs and walks away. About six hours later I’m serving someone else.)

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer #2: “Oh, yes, I’d also like the winning lotto numbers!”

    Me: *pause* “Huh. You know, that’s the second time I’ve been asked that today!”

    Customer #2: “Ha, weird. So do you have them?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I gave them to the first guy. It wouldn’t be fair to tell you as well.”

    Customer #2: “Touché.”

    All Manner Of Meat With No Manners

    | CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer approaches the deli just as I’m about to shut down the department to clean it. She takes a number and spends the next few minutes looking over the meat selections.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Uh, yes… I would like half a pound of pastrami, please.”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (I slice her order and hand it to her. She thanks me and looks at the package. Just as she’s about to turn to leave, she looks at the package.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! But this isn’t what I f****** ordered you stupid piece of s***!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you asked for pastrami and that’s what I cut for you.”

    Customer: *scoffs* “Well, that’s not what this is!” *points at the glass case*

    Me: “Are you pointing at the pastrami?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am, you dumb a**hole! You should be able to f***** see that!”

    Me: “Actually, I can’t. One moment.”

    (I walk around the counter to where she’s standing.)

    Customer: “See, this is what I want.”

    Me: *sigh* “Ma’am, that’s not pastrami you’re pointing at. It’s salami. It clearly says it on the wrapping and on the sign under the product.”

    Customer: “I know that, you f****** idiot!”

    Me: “If you know that, then why did you ask for pastrami? They’re not even close to being the same product. In fact they’re in different color wrapping.”

    Customer: “Hey, stop being an a**hole and give me what I want! You’re making this more difficult than it has to be and you’re wasting my time!”

    Me: “Sure, hold on. Please be advised that you are the one that placed the wrong order which is prolonging your stay here.”

    Customer: “I don’t f****** care! Hurry up and finish my order!”

    (I quickly slice her order as the deli is now closed and I want to go home.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you. Was that so f***** hard?”

    Me: “Yes, it was about as hard as reading a sign that says salami and confusing it with pastrami.”

    Sodium And So Dum

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    Customer: “I’d like a half-pound of the [Cheap Brand] low-sodium ham, please!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have [Cheap Brand] low-sodium ham. We do have the [Premium Brand] low-sodium ham, though.”

    Customer: “No, you do have the [Cheap Brand] kind. It’s right there.”

    (She points to the Cheap Brand boiled ham, which is the lowest quality meat we sell, and is loaded with salt and fat.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid that ham isn’t low-sodium. Actually, that’s the highest-sodium ham we have.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! I’ve been eating that ham for three months because I thought it was healthy! My doctor said my blood pressure was dangerously high!”

    Me: “Um… that’s not good. Did one of the employees here tell you that ham was low-sodium?”

    Customer: “No! I just assumed it was!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you probably should have asked someone here about that.”

    Customer: “SHUT UP! IF I HAVE A HEART ATTACK IT’S YOUR FAULT!”


    Page 1/912345...Last