(I volunteer at a daycare. The daycare is very Christian, so we have a Christian radio station playing at all time. A song the teacher likes comes on. Note that it is a very slow “Praise the Lord and His angels”-type song.)
Teacher: “I like this song!”
Little girl #1: “Me too! Mommy has it on all the time!”
Teacher: “What about you, [Little girl #2]? Do you know this song?”
Little Girl #2: “No, but I know ‘We Will Rock You.'”
Me: “Close enough.”
In addition to our weekly roundups, each month we’ll be sharing our most popular reader-voted stories.
March Monthly Roundup: This month, we share five stories that show that customers can be bad, but at least they’re not boring!
- She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2:
Think you’re going to buy booze for your underaged, 16-year-old daughter? Not on this liquor store employee’s watch!
- When Press Comes To Shove:
A blustery customer counts on berating an employee to get his way; what he didn’t count on: the employee’s 6’5″, 250-lb. fiance waiting in the back.
- The Height Of (Mt.) Misogyny:
Misogynists really should go jump off a cliff, but this sexist customer probably couldn’t make it to the top anyway.
- Weeding Out The Dumb Ones, Part 2:
Either this guy’s in the wrong shop, or those are the LARGEST. BONGS. EVER.
- So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon:
A little girl learns that although diamonds are forever, mommy’s handcuffs are for her eyes only.
Little girl: “My mom seems unemployed, but I think she’s some kind of secret agent.”
Little girl: “I found handcuffs in her drawer behind the makeup. I can never find her gun or anything else, though.”
Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.
Kids Say The Awesomest Things! This week, we share five stories that show that kids are not only our best customers, but can be an employee’s best friend!
- Ah, Children:
A misbehaving customer gets put in the time-out corner…by a toddler.
- They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine:
When Blade meets The Little Mermaid, awesome ensues.
- Making A Hug(e) Difference:
Every store needs a kid like this…seriously, can Not Always Right adopt this boy?
- Vocabulary, Meet Veracity:
Proof that kids hear everything parents say.
- They Grow Up Too Fast:
When the rubber hits the road, Ultimate Driving Machines come in all sizes.
Caller: “Hey, you take care of kids?”
Me: “Yes. What ages and times are you needing?”
Caller: “Well, I got six kids and I need them outta here while I do my thang.”
Me: “Your ‘thang’?”
Caller: “Yeah, I can’t get my mack on with all them d*** kids runnin’ around. So, could you take them from like…8pm to 3 or 4am?”
Me: “I don’t do overnight care, sir. I’m sorry.”
Caller: “That’s okay. By the way, are you married?”