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    So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    Little girl: “My mom seems unemployed, but I think she’s some kind of secret agent.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Little girl: “I found handcuffs in her drawer behind the makeup. I can never find her gun or anything else, though.”

    Weekend Roundup: Kids Say The Awesomest Things

    , , , , | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Kids Say The Awesomest Things! This week, we share five stories that show that kids are not only our best customers, but can be an employee’s best friend!

    1. Ah, Children:
      A misbehaving customer gets put in the time-out corner…by a toddler.
    2. They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine:
      When Blade meets The Little Mermaid, awesome ensues.
    3. Making A Hug(e) Difference:
      Every store needs a kid like this…seriously, can Not Always Right adopt this boy?
    4. Vocabulary, Meet Veracity:
      Proof that kids hear everything parents say.
    5. They Grow Up Too Fast:
      When the rubber hits the road, Ultimate Driving Machines come in all sizes.

    Don’t Fool Around With Daycare

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Family & Kids

    Caller: “Hey, you take care of kids?”

    Me: “Yes. What ages and times are you needing?”

    Caller: “Well, I got six kids and I need them outta here while I do my thang.”

    Me: “Your ‘thang’?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I can’t get my mack on with all them d*** kids runnin’ around. So, could you take them from like…8pm to 3 or 4am?”

    Me: “I don’t do overnight care, sir. I’m sorry.”

    Caller: “That’s okay. By the way, are you married?”

    Momma Likes To Wine And Whine

    | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am working at a daycare and eating my lunch while the kids are having nap time. One of the kids, a two-year-old girl, has woken up early this day.)

    Child: “[My name] drinking Diet Pepsi?”

    Me: “Yep, I’m drinking a soda.”

    Child: “Daddy drink Diet Pepisi.”

    Me: “Daddy drinks Diet Pepsi?”

    Child: “Yeah.”

    Me: “[Child’s name] doesn’t drink Diet Pepsi, right?”

    Child: “No, [child’s name] drink juice. Daddy drink Diet Pepsi. Momma drink wine.”

    Me: “Momma drinks wine?”

    Child: “Uh, huh. Momma drink wine. Momma drink a LOT of wine.”

    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5

    | Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (Note: 40 degrees Celsius is about 104 degrees Fahrenheit.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hi, I’ll need you to come and pick up your son right away. He’s not feeling very well.”

    Mother: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “He’s running a 40 degree temperature.”

    Mother: “Oh. No, he’s fine. That’s normal.”

    Me: “Uh, I’m sorry?”

    Mother: “Don’t worry about him, love. That’s normal. He’s a werewolf, you know. Werewolves run hot. Didn’t you know that?”

    (It takes me a few moments, but I realize she’s perfectly serious.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I still think you need to take him to the doctor.”

    Mother: “Ugh, fine. I’ll come and get him, but the doctor will only say what I told you!”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

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